WIBU to have asked this date to leave?

[PlumPavlova]

I travelled to another city yesterday and had booked a hotel. Saw a friend early afternoon for some shopping. Then I met up with someone I'd been speaking to on a dating app.

She was larger than her photos showed. Fine, not a dealbreaker in itself.
We went to the bar. I got a GnT. She ordered a double rum straight up and a pint of "the strongest lager you have".
We had another round of the same.

I was already feeling off however on the way to hotel (to drop some stuff and go straight back out) she bought a bottle of wine (to avoid having to pay for drinks in bars).

At the hotel she poured a large glass of wine into a tumbler and topped it up with red bull 😧.
She then tried to convince me not to out but to stay in the hotel room for the rest of the evening.
At this point I told her I was very uncomfortable with her drinking and that we were clearly on very different pages and I didn't want the date to continue.

I tried to be supportive and give her the chance to talk about her (obvious) issues but she just kept shaking her head.
She left. I offered to call her a taxi but she declined.
I went out and this morning saw that I had 3 missed calls and 19 whatsapp messages from her.

It wasn't nerves btw as she herself said she didn't view it as a first date but rather us "finally meeting" after a few months of chatting.

She seemed very normal before yesterday. Very intelligent with a professional job etc.

WIBU?

You dud exactly the right thing. I wouldn't give it any more thought.

It's totally up to you what you are and are not comfortable with. It sounds like this was all a big turn off and she isn't like minded. Absolutely listen to your instinct and go with what it's saying.

Why mention her size? It had nothing to do with the issue.

YANBU.
I would have been very uncomfortable in that situation and would have done the same. What were the tone of the messages the next day? Personally I'd block the number and move on.

I don't really understand what she did that bothered you but if you were uncomfortable and wanted her to leave then that's fair enough.

Wine and red bull is blowing my mind. What wine?! Not that it makes it any better.

I'd say she's a strong stomach to down neat rum, strong lager, and a bottle or wine mixed with red bull. On an empty stomach?
It's clear it didn't go well. There's a chance this wasn't her usual behaviour but the damage is done. Just don't speak to her anymore.

@hottchocolatte She was pissed to the degree of slurring her words and wanted to change the whole plan for the evening (which was quick stop off and then out to some bars). I didn't want to go out to more bars with someone who has already plastered when I had only had 2 drinks. It was clear she would've drink the rest of the bottle of wine and probably would've passed out on the bed.

I didn't want to waste my rare child free night and fancy hotel room babysitting a drunk.

@WhamBamThankU It was malbec. Bizarre combo tbf 🤣

She's obviously a heavy drinker if she can stomach all that. I think her wanting to stay in and drink the shop wine over going out for a date would put me off anyway, comes across as being a bit tight.

What a charmer. You did the right thing. Tell her you are sorry it didn't work out but you aren't compatible. Wish her the best and block.

Red wine and Red Bull.sounds even worse than Calimocho (red wine and Coke). You did the right thing and you don't owe this person anything.

Because it’s a put off? I know we’re all meant to be body positive nowadays, but not everyone finds fat people attractive (or skinny people for that matter). I don’t know how many photos he’s seen of her, but they’ve been chatting for months and she obviously wasn’t what he was expecting at all. It sounds like it started shit and went downhill very quickly

Sounds grim. Please value yourself enough to not feel guilty about ending the date.

You can end a date for any reason whatsoever; you don't need to justify yourself.

@Fiddlerdragon I'm a woman 😊.

And yeah I mentioned her size because it wasn't what I expected based on what I can now see are cleverly angled and/or older selfies.
She mentioned being worried that I wouldn't fancy her if I knew she was bigger so she kept it from me.

Really?! She clearly has a drinking problem. And who in their right mind drinks a tumbler full of wine topped up with red bull? Spending time with someone like that isn’t my idea of a fun night out.

How do we know he? I’m assuming she? Either way you are entitled to say no at any time and end anything you feel uncomfortable with

Eugh that concoction has gave me the ick.
She can't enjoy wine and red bull surely? Just drinking to get hammered, it would have been a nightmare date by the sounds of things.

To what ends would it have served you to spend a whole evening with someone who isn't capable of concealing that she drinks red bull and malbec?

None. You have every right to cut a date short.

Well done. Can you imagine ??! There are people out there who don't cut dates short out of a false sense of having to uphold an agreement. Where does it stop ? Marriage? Can you imagine??? Well done. I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of your evening.

I’m fat but if I was in a dating situation I wouldn’t try to hide it, what’s the point? It’s not like it wouldn’t be immediately obvious. That said, I think that’s more of a 🤷‍♀️ issue but the drinking would really put me off to the point I would want them to leave immediately. Not being attracted to someone because of their appearance isn’t an immediate date-ender but having to deal with someone drinking and behaving chaotically absolutely is.

Well OP says it wasn’t a dealbreaker, so it’s neither here nor there. My question had nothing to do with finding fat or skinny people attractive.

Because she used photos that didn’t reflect reality. I’d be a bit pissed off if there was a big age/size difference etc. It smacks of dishonesty.

Sounds like she was on a mission to get hammered. Maybe nervous, but I’d find it very off putting and it’s not safe, is it? Having to deal with someone very pissed, not going out in public as previously arranged.

Then why follow that it was ‘fine’ and wasn’t a dealbreaker?