Autistic Son roaming the streets at night. WWYD?

[MumofASDSon]

DS is 21 with autism and a mild learning disability although is very able. 6ft 4 and despite his challenges, he’s pretty streetwise.

He liked to go for walks at night as prefers to go when less people about (social anxiety) and has over the last few months been going for hours often not getting home until the early hours. This evening, he went out at 7pm and has now been insisting he’s on his way back for the last two hours (still not back)! He prefers to walk in forested areas just to make it worse!

He had refused to have a location tracker in his phone and found the one I disguised on it and deleted it. He has no fear, says we don’t live in ‘the hood’ (not far off it though), thinks he’s perfectly able to handle himself and we are being ridiculous when we’ve lectured him about risks to his safety.

He definitely isn’t meeting anyone and isn’t doing anything wrong, he just likes to walk for miles and take pics of things as he walks. He refuses anyone to go with him as he says he finds it calming and gives him some peace. DH used to try to follow him but he’d run off!

This is a massive safeguarding risk IMO as he’ll often ignore texts and calls for hours on end. I have great anxiety that something will happen to him as there have been some violent incidents reported round town and he’d be a big target from the groups of youths getting up to mischief in our town. Even just that he might fall somewhere and we can’t find him. I’d never forgive myself. I also have to stay up until he’s back as obviously can’t go to bed until I know he’s home.

Me, his Dad and siblings have all told him he has to stop, we encourage him to go out in the day but he won’t. Nothing’s ever happened but that just may be luck. I’ve threatened to get the police to look for him on numerous occasions as he is very vulnerable.

I am considering contacting adult social services for advice but not sure they can do anything. We can’t lock him up (he’s an adult and we do try to treat him like one). Concerned Social Care may say we are putting him at risk, letting him do this, and will try to put him in a home though. He’d probably do the same there anyway unless they did physically restrain him and that thought is horrific.

WWYD. It’s causing me a lot of stress!

In some respects I’d kind of rather he was out drinking and clubbing like other young men his age but sadly he has no friends.

My youngest ds does this, he's in his 20s with asd. It's worrying but it gives him pleasure to be outside when it's quiet. I leave him to it but insist that he takes keys and phone and i put a torch on on keys. He has a tracker on his phone.

Once, in daylight, he came across a woman having a pee in the woods. He stopped and faced the tree while she did it, he thought this would be more respectful but when he told me about it it made him look like a peeper. It's this kind of thing that worries me.

I would turn this into a positive and find him a night job or night volunteer job. How would he feel about helping out at a homeless soup kitchen or a security job where he walked around outside checking security?

Totally!

Mine too!

This is exactly what my adult child does. Also autistic.
They need to walk to de-stress and process what’s happening in their life, what went on during the day. Between 3-5 miles several times a week.
Tend to walk between ten and two am, and yes, they have been challenged a number of times by people scared because they can’t cope with difference.
Large bloke wearing black. Standard response is ‘I’m an artist, this is my best creative time to think’ and so far that’s worked. Helps that they have a posh accent and a calm delivery.
Got stopped by the police a couple of times, but their manners are exquisite, so that’s not been a problem either.
But they always carry a phone, text if there’s a problem and understand the logic of keeping communication lines open. It’s my expectation, and they recognise the practicality. It’s reciprocal.
We have a key safe.

Ah, a key safe is a great idea! I'm going to get one

Also I was thinking about a laminated card saying I'm autistic, any questions phone my mum on xxxxxx

The card is for the police really

This is what my son has. I’m sure they’re available in other areas: https://tripleaproject.org.uk/autism-alert-card/

https://www.npaa.org.uk/alert-card-schemes/

Oh i hadn't a clue! Thank you both, that'll be a big relief. I do worry. We all worry.

This is such a good idea

Yes. I am aware Autism is a spectrum 🙄. My teen son has LD.

Not an excuse to be unreasonably controlling and putting trackers on people's phones without their consent which is abusive, to do to an adult, whether intentional or not.

He likes being in nature and taking photos.

He's 21 and OP won't be there forever to protect him.

He will be fine OP. Let him get on with doing what he loves

Just wanted to say that my DB is exactly the same, and although he has no learning disabilities he’s definitely not streetwise. He has different sleep patterns to NT people and loves to go out roaming at night with his camera. I can completely understand why you are concerned. But it’s his life and his choice - I’d work on risk mitigation strategies (like pps have suggested) rather than trying to stop him, not least as it might have quite a significant protective value for his mental health - it certainly does for my DB.

Plenty of people walk around late in the evening, either walking dogs or going to/from work. It's not especially dangerous. You could suggest he goes in the early morning ie 5 am - he would see more wildlife and fewer people.

My biggest fear would be what others could accuse him of, if they wanted to

Fellow ASC parent here.

This is his special interest and so to restrict it would cause enormous distress for him. Maybe the thing to do is to lean into the trekking side of it and see if he would accept using a Garmin InReach device? It also gives you lots of interesting data about how far you have walked, elevation etc which might appeal.

What about helping him to do trekking and camping trips at the weekends? Bushcraft skills? Does he work? Could he combine this passion with work or volunteering?

My biggest fear would be what others could accuse him of, if they wanted to

Yes, hysterical paranoia and aggression on the part of others to an innocuous stranger not fitting their definition of ‘normal’ is a concern for many of us with adult children with an invisible disability.
We talked through and role played a number of challenges and responses when he was a teenager. He developed mental scripts to respond to different possible encounters, to try and defuse and make the situation safer for him.
Also things like physical presence, he’s over 6’ and very solid. Personal space, cross over the road if you end up walking behind a lone individual…and each time he encountered something new that worried him, we’d talk about it and I’d interpret for him.
Can’t stop him walking, I just try and support him in minimising the threat that society poses to him. A good night is when he’s walked miles and seen no one.
The police, btw have always been brilliant, empathic and supportive.