To worry about my kid's intelligence?

[Booboobunnywoo]

I know this is sensitive, but honestly just looking for input because I don't know much about kids, I don't have close friends who are parents, and I don't spend a lot of time with kids other than my own.

Anyway, DD is 5 and an absolute delight, but I worry about her cognitive development. She has a very limited vocabulary, often mixes up words, and we still struggle to understand her when she's telling a story. Short sentences are ok ("I can't find my jacket") but any utterance longer than two sentences is usually incomprehensible.

She cannot seem to understand stories beyond basic picture books when we read to her. I've tried some chapter books, like My Father's Dragon and Magic Treehouse, and she sits and listens obediently, but she cannot answer any questions about them while we're reading or afterwards, and I don't think she is following along at all. She also has watched some Disney movies such as Cars, Frozen and Finding Nemo. Eyes fixed on the screen the whole time, but she's completely clueless about what's happening, often focusing on little details that are not relevant to the plot and completely misunderstanding (or simply missing) major events.

Counting's all right, at least up to 10, but she cannot write her name beyond a few randomly placed letters (about 3 out of the 7, in random order).

My question: is this normal for a five year old? Should I worry?

Hmm, sounds like you need to develop her language more than anything

Try word games - what rhymes with cat? Etc.

How's her alphabet?

Do you correct her when she does make errors?

, but she cannot answer any questions about them while we're reading or afterwards, and I don't think she is following along at all.

^

Are you pointing at the pictures at the same time?

Magic tree house light be a bit advanced TBH

Has school mentioned anything? I would speak to her teacher. By this point in the year they should have raised concerns with you if there are any.

Is she at school? I would have a discussion with her teachers. It does sound like her speech and language is somewhat delayed.

Is she in Reception? What have the school said? My DS is 5 in the summer and doesn't have the attention span for films but is okay at writing and reading. His speech has always been a bit delayed and still is compared to peers. He's very 'lumpy' in terms of his development which I think is true for a lot of children. The writing her name bit would concern me a little but only because I drop my son off at school and every child writes their name on the whiteboard when they get there and pretty much all of them can do it now. I agree with PP that making these things fun for her with games is a good way to get her engaged.

I don't think its automatically worrying at that age but could be indicative of some additional needs.

I think i would ditch the films and chapter books and stick to things that allow her to see through a story at a level she can comprehend. That way she starts to really grasp the concept of a story arc, characters etc and develop the comprehension that can later be translated up a level.

Just to add too, none of what you said correlates to intelligence really so please don't think that she's not as smart as other children. She just may need more support/time.

What have school said?

It does sound like she's a little behind where she should be. I wouldn't worry, but I would speak to the school and follow-up on your concerns. She may need a bit of extra support.

My kids are very bright but struggled to understand the "language" of movies, focusing on details etc, not understanding cutting between scenes.

The books thing... I can see why you're worried- if you tell her a story or relate an event not from a book, does she understand that? Could she indicate she understands even if her spoken language is limited?

Are you not friends with any parents from her class? Sometimes it really helps to be around small groups of kids/parents.

Yes, I did not want to lead with it, but her school voiced some concerns.

To be honest, I was quite shocked when they did because I assumed she was more or less normal for her age, and I responded defensively. But now I think maybe I've been in denial, especially since we have been so invested in her language development, so I know it is not from lack of input. Her father and I are big readers, and we've been reading to her from the day she was born, and often play word games and rhyming games with her... and she's always been inconsistent, rhyming cat with hat one day, and then with lass or shed another.

When I observe her with her friends (and she does have a lot of friends - she's a happy and sociable kid), I can tell they seem to be a bit more advanced, also in terms of motor skills (she still has a hard time getting dressed by herself, and she constantly falls over and bumps into things). I've been telling myself they're the exception, and DD is average.

The books thing... I can see why you're worried- if you tell her a story or relate an event not from a book, does she understand that? Could she indicate she understands even if her spoken language is limited?

She does better when I tell her a story, but that's because I automatically adjust the language to her level of comprehension.

Has she had her hearing checked?

I'd ask for a speech and language therapy referral, they will be looking at communication as a whole.

Do not correlate any of the issues you've mentioned with intelligence, it sounds like there might be a communication issue but this does not mean your dd isn't clever.

I’d talk further to the school, remember they see so many children each year and will be a good source of knowledge for how well children are developing and meeting mile stones. She may just need some more time and support but it could be indicative of a cognitive and processing issue as well as speech and language. I’d be getting some additional help.

I would speak to a doctor. With you mentioning being clumsy as well it could be dyspraxia. It sounds very similar. If you google it you will be able to read the symptoms for yourself and see if you think it fits.

Obviously it could just be something like she needs support. And I am not normally one to point to a disorder to explain things away it’s just what you said really rang a bell for me.

How is her reading/phonics?

Do not correlate any of the issues you've mentioned with intelligence, it sounds like there might be a communication issue but this does not mean your dd isn't clever.

But it is not just communication. For example: she does not understand patterns (we've had those activity books, for example, where you need to finish a basic sequence, like blue flower, red flower, blue flower, ... flower). She struggles with problem solving (how to get certain toys out when other toys are blocking them).

She cannot read at all; she recognises her name though. We've been practicing sounding out words and identifying sounds - it's hit and miss. Like w is for water (good!), wall (yes!), and mall ("no, that's the mmm").

Based on all the things you've said, she does sound like she needs some extra support and that there's ~something going on. I wouldn't like to guess at all. This is mainly going on the expectations of my DS in Reception - before Easter they were learning to write sentences and short stories for example.

I would really encourage you to talk with school again. You need to be in partnership to best support your DD. Explain that you were defensive when they raised issues before (very common - we all want our children to be perfect) and now you see what they're saying and want to work together to support DC. She may well be delayed - not unusual. The most important thing is getting support as early as possible.

Listen to what her school is telling you. Her teachers have taught hundreds of five-year-olds and they wouldn’t have said anything if they thought your DD was progressing within the parameters they’d expect. Take whatever steps are required to get her assessed. To be honest, I’d be inclined to start with getting her ears and eyes tested and then take it from there.

Don’t think of it in terms of ‘intelligence’. There are many reasons she might struggle with language, sequences, narratives etc but that doesn’t mean she isn’t intelligent. There are many kinds of intelligence, and it’s possible she might just need to be taught in a different way or have some specific support.

FWIW, my friend’s child could barely hold a pen to write at all when he was five and had zero interest in narratives like stories and films. He needed specialist support to get by. He’s now 17 and has just been offered a place to read Physics at Cambridge.

She sounds a bit behind and I would want an educational psychologist to have a look at her, and check for hearing and things. The school should be able to guide you.

It doesn’t mean she won’t be bright, so don’t panic, but do start addressing it

I think the point to be asking more questions is when the inputs are not equating to the outputs. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things to develops skills and abilities and so there may be a barrier to her developing accordingly. It’s unlikely school will test until 7/8. They don’t like to diagnose too early incase it’s developmental. Do you have any learning barriers in your family?

Work with the school and support her the best you can. We're in a similar situation, our DS is one of the oldest in his reception class but can hardly write any letters and is completely hit and miss with phonics and sounding out. He's in intervention and we do 'fun' reading and writing practice with him but theres slow progress. It's hard but its early days and they are still young. Keep as open minded as you can and be her cheerleader.

This!

I don't know if normal or not, but re books, I'd go simple. My kids loved Dr. Suess, really simple and got them involved, the rhyming and repetition seems to help their confidence with the words