Need help with daughters weight

[DarcyHargrove]

My daughter is overweight, weirdly just round her middle, with skinny arms and legs!

She’s always hungry! And so so lazy. She will not do any exercise. She hates going for walks, refuses to ride her bike, will not to any sports etc. Our diets are healthy but she just eats so much. She’s only 10 but already over 5 stone.

Any advice??

Yes.

What do you feel here is within your control as a parent? @DarcyHargrove

According to WHO growth chart, 5 stone is tracking 50th centile for a 10 year old girl. This doesn’t seem problematic?

Yes, I was going to say that 5 stone doesn't sound that bad?

She’s just get ready to change into an adult shape. Leave her alone.

Mine did this, then stretched right out 13

If she's doing little exercise then she will have little muscle in her limbs (or anywhere) and often children put fat on round their tummies. However, it's also possible she's just doing a pre-pubertal filling out prior to a growth spurt.

That said, from a lifetime health perspective, you and she need to work together on healthy eating and activity. As a child, she can only eat what you provide, and you can also manage the activities, particularly by role-modelling. For us, this means Sunday morning family ParkRun, lots of hiking, roller skates on the drive, swing all in the garden. Sweet treat twice a week only, otherwise it's fruit, crackers or plain yoghurt. I find this tricky, as it's not always what I want to do (I'd like a Sunday lie-in with bacon sandwiches and cinnamon rolls), but it's just one of the jobs of being a parent

Sorry I forgot to mention she’s incredibly short! Her bmi is 95th centile.

Does she like swimming. Especially now it is getting warmer?

Say nothing as this could really hurt her psychologically in the future but focus on making family meals that are high in volume for veggies etc and have very little oils, fats etc in them so she is still nourished and not hungry. Don't buy snacks if you can help it but don't say that this is why. If it helps I was a chunky kid then I went to secondary school and adjusted my habits myself upon being surrounded by grown and older students/peers who looked trendy and cool as most young girls do. If she's only 10 she is too young to really realise the benefit of looking after oneself. Is there anyway you could include walking that she doesn't see as just 'going for a walk'? Window shopping in a large mall can be a fun girly morning and walking around a big shopping centre can actually really add steps up. Could you get her to walk a neighbours dog to make it more fun or take her and a friend to a trampoline park? Good luck it's not easy as a mum.

Nope! There’s a not single activity that involves movement that she enjoys.

Is incredibly short and apple shaped normal for either of your families? Because it wouldn't be in mine and I would be really worried. But my friend's family, they are all that shape.

You need to change the way you talk about your daughter entirely.

You are being very negative about her, which will cause her harm.

A large belly with very thin arms and legs can be a medical issue such as constipation or other issues - it may be that you need to seek medical help from your GP about this.

Even if she were overweight, which she does not appear to be, the advice is to let her grow into her weight, - definitely no diets, and no negativity around food or what she eats.

I think you seriously need to look at yourself and how you parent a daughter about to go into puberty, who needs encouragement to like herself despite any difficulties/concerns about her body.

I haven’t said anything to my daughter thanks for your input…

No but she fine, there’s nothing medically wrong with her. I think if she was average height for her age she wouldn’t have the belly as she’s be all stretched out!

Glad to hear that!

Well it's forcing exercise and controlling food then! But with empathy, sneakiness and love.

Does she walk to school, walk with you on weekends, have a dog, like sneaky activities like trampoline, water park, building things, whatever? What is she doing for fun? Devices (get rid) or art? If so, walking around galleries and museums.

Adults can't outrun a bad diet but exercise does make a difference with children. DD eats like a horse but walks a lot so burns it.

She walks too and from school but it’s literally 30 seconds away ha!

Im just going to have to force her out walking I think and just block out the moaning.

My son is very overweight so you have my sympathy. He does Karate and cubs which involves walking a lot in nice weather. We are always out walking and I tell him to run to X run after your sister etc. All the time he can run I know he is still fit.

Is she conscious of her weight? I have a super sporty 10yo DD who also has a bit of a round tummy at times. I think she may have some sort of intolerance actually as she seems to bloat throughout the day. She does over 10hrs of physical activity per week & is often out on her bike etc at weekends so I assume as she gets older she will stretch & it will even out. It's hard as some of her friends are still tiny whereas she is already more developed which means curves. I don't mention it, neither does she but I do make sure she eats well most of the time. What does your DD like to do for fun? Does she have a bike? Could you try trampolining etc on the weekend? There will be something she likes it's just finding it.

My 9yo has just seen a paediatrician for other concerns, but I mentioned that in the past year he seems to get a bit chubby in his tum area and then he shoots upwards, and then it repeats again. The paediatrician said this is completely normal for children of this age, but the concerns arise when the child continues to gain weight disproportionately to their height growth.

If you’re concerned get professional advice from a dietician or GP. For exercise explore as many options as you can - what about dancing? There are so many different types like street dance, etc. Does the family have bikes? Just Dance game on a Switch? Fun family swimming.

If her diet is healthy I'd look at exercise and reframe that. I think many of us carry baggage from our school days around exercise and see it as negative. As a parent, I'd start to see it as as fundamental as sleep, teeth brushing, eating vegetables etc and at 10 you can start to frame it to her like that too. Look at the gov activity levels and make it a new household aim to start following them, obviously giving her lots of choice as to how. Does she do any extra curricular activities? Does she like bike riding, skateboards, climbing, swimming, dancing, martial arts?

Why does everyone on this thread think that teenage years will lead to their kids “stretching out”… it’s quite fascinating

I’d argue the opposite - that many of the youth of today are learning food habits young that then lead them to a ‘processed food’ look, no matter how much they’re outdoors or whatever. Which is all then exacerbated by the need to wear weird nude coloured tight sportswear clothing everywhere because presumably one of Kanye West’s partners did it once.

If she won't exercise the best thing you can do it control calories by diet (without saying that is what you are doing). Work out how many she's getting, how many she needs and have a look at portion sizes. Would she enjoy fun activities like trampolining? Swimming sessions with inflatables?

I personally hate most exercise but I do walk a lot....is there a way you could build more walking in - to the shops, around a park, to friends houses?

You say she "eats so much" so you know she is eating more than she should.

Stop giving her so much. Smaller portions.

You say she doesn't do much so you can easily control what she has access to at home..and yes you have to make her walk or cycle or swim. Not even for weight, just for general health and setting her up with the skills to take care of herself later.

Would she maybe enjoy something like dancing? Possibly something fun like street dance rather than something serious like ballet.

How tall is she? You say 5st like it's massive but my tall 5 year old isn't far off that (although he's off the charts for height as well)

You say she "eats so much" so you know she is eating more than she should.
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Stop giving her so much. Smaller portions.

i 100% agree with you @Notimeforaname . I actually said as the first reply to the OP, what does she feel is in her control as a parent? I was roundly ignored.

Until this is answered so to speak, everything else then becomes self delusion. So she can run a bit more, she could walk further , but you can’t outrun these kind of choices every day.