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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To desperately ask what age you found like easier after having a baby?

92 replies

helppleaseeh · 10/04/2024 21:53

Just that really. 19 months and oh my god it’s too much. I really need my own space and time to function well and basically do not have much of this for obvious reasons. The tantrums, the nappies, the constant changes of clothes. When will it feel easier?

OP posts:

allfurcoatnoknickers · 11/04/2024 07:42

The plus side of finding the newborn stage an absolute horror show is that everything after that is a breeze. I really hit my stride once they can start on solids - so about 6 months.

I think everyone's different OP. I also work full time, so get a lot of "breaks" from parenting. I'd go insane if I were a SAHM.

Londonrach1 · 11/04/2024 07:44

Newborn to around 2 ish then struggled with 3-5. Aged 7 is great. I loved the newborn stage though. Everyone is different as is every baby.

rainontherooftop · 11/04/2024 08:02

I found mine easier after 18 months, because they were talking a fair bit by then so I knew what they wanted/there was less frustration. I could entertain them and they were learning new things all the time which was fun.

I was fortunate that mine didn't really have major tantrums, just the occasional strop if they didn't get their own way so we didn't have the "terrible twos" that can be such a nightmare for some.

SpongeBob2022 · 11/04/2024 08:04

For me...

18 months - finally slept through properly so wasn't exhausted, which made it a lot easier.

Pre-school age (3-4 ish) - got a lot easier and has been getting easier ever since (now 10).

I think it's nice when they start talking so they can communicate with you and you can enjoy doing stuff together a bit more...so you're nearly there in that sense.

I have so much respect for my Mum, who was a SAHM. I'm not and I would really struggle to be (work part time now but was full time early on).

I think everyone is different. I found newborn stage really tough and anything since then has been a breeze in comparison. My friend has found it the complete opposite.

Timeturnerplease · 11/04/2024 08:08

DD1 wasn’t very independent until about 3, whereas DD2 was ridiculously easy from 2 - walking, talking, taking herself to the potty, taking off own shoes/coat etc.

Now they’re 5 and 2.8 and so so simple. Every day out/activity we’ve been to this holidays has involved me sitting and chatting with friends while all the children run off and play happily together. A bliss that seemed impossible two years ago!

You're nearly there OP.

Roselilly36 · 11/04/2024 08:11

Caroparo52 · 10/04/2024 22:12

Mine are in twenties. Same shit just different shit

100% I often say, give me a toddler any day, much easier and less complicated.

Ahwig · 11/04/2024 08:13

By 2.5, he was out of nappies, able to tell me if something was wrong or hurt but best of all he slept. He didn't sleep through until he was 2.5 and would wake up every hour and a half. It was like torture. When he was a new born he would cry/scream all of the time. If he was awake he was crying. I once went to the doctors convinced there was something wrong with him as all of the babies from the anti natal group that I was in were smiling contented little souls. Nope he was absolutely fine , he was just " one of those babies". As a toddler he was delightful. My grandson was like a carbon copy, same screaming same non sleeping but once he got to 2 he was great.

TheMoth · 11/04/2024 08:21

6 and 8. That was pretty much when dc2 started sleeping all night, in their own bed.

Dc1 was pretty chilled. Best bits were 5- 18 m months. Dc2 was a fucking nightmare from birth until starting school. Drained the absolute life out of me with tantrums etc.

I look back at those years of early starts, everyone in the car by 730, home after work, tea, chaos, bed time stories, then back to marking/prep etc and wonder how the fuck I did it.

These days, they leave for school after me and can get tea started before I get home. They don't generate as much washing, but can also sort their own washing. They wake up after me at weekends. I get quiet time.

WoodBurningStov · 11/04/2024 08:36

I agree with lots of pp, once they start school it's easier, and I breathed a massive sigh of relief when they went to secondary school.

Cadela · 11/04/2024 08:39

Yes once they start school it becomes easier. Dd is 7 now and I can’t believe anyone with an older child say they get easier at 2!

Dd was a horror from 3.5-4.5 I thought I would drop dead with the stress of it all. Then she started school and it was like a storm has passed. Then just kept getting easier.

Nextbitoflife · 11/04/2024 08:44

It’s constant change. TBH and not what you want to hear, but it never exactly gets easier, the pressures just change and you sort of adjust. Wishing a stage away doesn’t really do much. There is great stuff and challenging stuff along the whole journey. Shifting mindset to realise that my life was permanently changed, in loads of good ways as well of tough ones helped me. Thinking ‘ I can’t wait to get back to normal’ was keeping me stuck. It does get less physically demanding def but the worries shift - are they doing ok in school? Do they have friends? Etc etc endless. Mine are now 19 and 26 and still occupy about 73% of my brain!

nutbrownhare15 · 11/04/2024 08:47

Around 2 years for me

Daisymae55 · 11/04/2024 08:52

I think it’s different for everyone. Now that my daughter is 2 I find life so much easier. She plays independently happily, can have a little conversation and figure out what she wants and lots of lovey kh hugs and kisses.
18-22 months was a real challenge. Things feel infinitely easier now.

Disturbia81 · 11/04/2024 09:55

3, 3.5 ish
They could walk, communicate, toilet, sleep through

VainAbigail · 11/04/2024 10:02

I’m thinking 18, once they’re out of the house…

@Chatonette

i actually lol’d at that! My eldest is 18 and we are firmly stuck with the unemployed lodger! My nearly 4 year old on the other hand is much nicer to around apart from wanting to eat all the time and stick his feet in your face 🤔

TargetPractice11 · 11/04/2024 10:05

Moier · 10/04/2024 22:08

Don't wish it away..
I didn't find motherhood hard at all..
It's as easy or hard as you want it to be..
Mine were born in the 80s and 90s though.. now age 40 and 32.

Comments like this are unhelpful.

People who breezily declare they find motherhood 'easy' likely have some combination of: family support/regular breaks/spare money/healthy and NT children/supportive spouse/good health themselves.

All privileges that many don't have.

It's not 'as easy or as hard as you make it's

AmyandPhilipfan · 11/04/2024 10:44

I suppose everyone is different in what they enjoy and what they find more easy/difficult to handle. Apart from worries over slow weight gain, I found newborn to about 22 months lovely.

After that my daughter got a bit more 'wilful' and I found it much more hard work until she was 6. Although actually she was generally very well behaved. But she hated getting ready to go out and went through a bit of anxiety about not wanting to do new things.

She's almost 7 now and honestly the last year has been fantastic. But, even though I found her hard work, I find myself missing her being little!

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