Is it ok to buy someone a self help book?

[FlowersInAFlowerBed]

What's your opinion on buying someone (specifically an ex) a self help book? Nice sentiment? Passive aggressive? How would you feel to receive one? Someone called me bitter for not seeing it as a nice gesture..

YABU - it's fine

YANBU - not a good choice of gift.

Only if they asked for one. If not, rude.

Passive aggressive unless they've mentioned wanting that exact book!

I’d be offended unless it was a family member genuinely trying to help (e.g. with anxiety) or it was a book they found intriguing and wanted to share. Otherwise yes I think rude. Especially if a parenting book or something like that!

Rude unless they ask for it

What everyone else said

But obviously we want to know what the book was.

I think it's not a great gift to give unless the person has asked for it. Nobody really wants to be given a 'how to be a nicer person' type of book!!

Nah that’s rude. I’d be well fucked off. It would likely cause an argument.

Patronising

Rude, intrusive, weird, pointed, pathetic ... you get my drift.

This isn't like my dad sending me a newspaper cutting from his newspaper about some supposed new miracle cure for eczema or whatever, trying to be genuinely helpful.

It's a mean and unnecessary dig.

Don’t do it

I think the OP is the one who was given the book

Hmm these comments are very different from the ones I received on another group? Everyone said it was a nice gesture and I was obviously feeling bitter and nothing wrong with trying to improve as a person

There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve as a person as long as you’re the one deciding you need improvement.

Having been on the receiving end of such a "gift" I can tell you I was quite upset & offended to receive it!

But we're Rock

What was the book? Or the issue it addressed if too outing. And how is your relationship with the ex?

Someone called me bitter for not seeing it as a nice gesture..

Buy them this. Express surprise if they are offended.

For my 40th birthday pub lunch with about a dozen friends, a now ex-friend arrived late and handed me a card and book (unwrapped) in front of everyone seated at the table. It was called something like “How To Be Happy” and had some long-winded subtitle on finding your inner happiness etc.

Ex-friend was very fond of self-help books herself, although sadly they never did her any good, but I was very offended. I don’t get offended easily but I thought what a shitty present, and giving me that in front of everyone was embarrassing. Three friends later said what a bloody awful present etc.

My sister did this. Its rude

Someone I dated very briefly bought me a self help book which was called something like 'how to be more successful and effective'. It was unsolicited and I was highly offended. Especially as I have a really busy job (and had never considered myself to be either ineffective or unsuccessful) and he was working part-time and cash in hand, living with his mum and borrowing her car. The absolute nerve of him. That was the end of that shit dalliance. Total negging behaviour.

'Recognising the narcissist in the mirror' - bit rude

'Celebrating your inner goddess' - bit dippy but not rude.

Depends what it was - no one wants a copy of "Get Confident, Stupid"

I bought one for a friend who was in the middle of a genuine mental health crisis and it was one of many things I did to try and help. Her situation was pretty extreme though, it's not something I'd do normally.

"Never give somebody a present that suggests they need improving" was my mother's advice (possibly from her own mother I think).