Is it ok to buy someone a self help book?

[FlowersInAFlowerBed]

What's your opinion on buying someone (specifically an ex) a self help book? Nice sentiment? Passive aggressive? How would you feel to receive one? Someone called me bitter for not seeing it as a nice gesture..

YABU - it's fine

YANBU - not a good choice of gift.

Ohh which Ex is it ? , it’s fine I just want peace and of this is her way of doing good .

I do have Tuesday and Wednesday free from
seeing friends and obligations.

Typo omission mistake
Spirit theme *

@FlowersInAFlowerBed not all reviews are positive

https://markmanson.net/the-secret

Ooft, it's kind of the same thing as offering a diet book to a fat person (like me ).
I just don't think it's a good idea, unless it was for bereavement or a specific, inoffensive cause.

Meh. People who are into The Secret get very fanatical about The Secret and want to share it everyone. I wouldn't read into this one personally. I'd see it more like 'Come and join my club'.

"just donate to a charity shop or pass it on to someone else a friend etc "8

No, don't give it away, give it back. With a cool, "thanks, maybe it chimed with you but it didn't really strike a chord with me and I can't think of anyone who needs it". Quite a lot of men- even the nice ones- get a little bit put out when you don't share their tastes and enthusiasms, but I think it's good when they occasionally get reminded that the women in their lives (or freshly out of their lives) are not merely an extension of them. If he gets snitty about it then you could always send him that link above about about why it is a bag o' shite (the bit about "harrowing narcissism" is quite funny) and then disengage. Or just disengage.

Talk about needing to have the last word 😂 "Actually I was right- as this books shows!" 😂

Oh, THAT book.

It's a complete pile of shite and is all about 'manifesting' and the idea that you can make things happen by thinking about it. It's complete bollocks and the people who are into it always seem to be really evangelical about it, like they've joined a cult or something.

It's a weird thing for him to buy for an ex you're not friends with, and YANBU at all to be irritated. Just bin it and tell him to mind his own business! Even if the book wasn't a load of horseshit, it's still not your ex's place to be trying to advise you on how to live your life. And calling you 'bitter' because you weren't interested in his stupid book, expecting you to be grateful for the wisdom he's bestowing upon you, is SUCH twattish behaviour.

He sounds like an absolute tool. Do you have kids together? If not, I can't see why you'd want to be in touch with him any more!

Ooof, this could feel very passive aggressive unless the book was specifically mentioned as anticipated. A friend of mine edited her ex out of so many photos she overall liked just to post them again (granted, it could be done easily in Photoworkd, but the dedication, though! 😂), and I can totally see her gifting a self-help book during the breakup just to spite the ex, but she admits she's petty, so it's most definitely a petty move.

Rude unless it is something they have openly said they need assistance with.

Rude unless asked for. I'd be annoyed.

Ugh, no. Just no.

The Seçret! Argh. One big gaslight. You can't manifest yourself out of a shit situation.

I have time for real self help, a lot of the big books are excellent, and written by people with phds even though the whole genre is maligned.

I might give somebody a book about the practice of self compassion. But privately.

Cringing at handing somebody "how to be happy" in public. Wow.

passive aggressive present, or indicates that the giver has gone woo. Small possibility that it could be a misguided attempt to show they hope for good things for you, and that they haven’t read it.

Recommend the If Books Could Kill podcast episode about The Secret. Funny and makes points similar to you about it, OP!

Just rude

I don’t think it’s bad. I do agree that it depends on the topic, the type of book, and maybe some of the context behind the gesture. Some people completely lack self awareness and are surrounded by people that will never be honest with them or help them grow. They also may be surrounded by enablers or emotionally immature friends/family. Growth has to happen from within and they need to do the work for that to happen. Growth also isn’t meant to be comfortable. It isn’t always nice. Yes, the person may be offended at first, however, it could be the one time that the issue has ever been brought to their attention. If the intent was because the sender genuinely cares, then maybe the recipient should take a look at themselves. Unless a person is just toxic, most people with good intentions don’t send books to hurt a person. They may see the potential in you that you don’t see in yourself. It’s uncomfortable to be viewed from another person’s lens but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. On the other hand, the person may be wishing to change and they just don’t have the tools to start. You could be the one person giving them those tools. A book is merely planting a seed and I think it’s great when done for the right reasons.

Keep planting seeds, you never know what may take root. -Ecclesiastes 11:6-