Is it ok to buy someone a self help book?

[FlowersInAFlowerBed]

What's your opinion on buying someone (specifically an ex) a self help book? Nice sentiment? Passive aggressive? How would you feel to receive one? Someone called me bitter for not seeing it as a nice gesture..

YABU - it's fine

YANBU - not a good choice of gift.

I bet it was 'How to win friends and influence people', Donald Trump's favourite book.

Rude unless you know they would appreciate it. To an ex it’s absolutely not on.

No idea who your other group are but they sound like dicks.

Years ago my mother expressed interest in a diet book. It was hardcover and expensive and I bought it for her for Christmas, I was a young teenager. She opened it and looked at me and didn’t say a word, and put it down. To my knowledge she never opened it - I was very perplexed how I had offended her because she had expressed interest in it. Years later I realized she taught me a valuable lesson!

Actually a work colleague in a stressful job handed in her notice and passed on her copy of "The Life Changing Magic Of Not Giving A F*uck" to me. I read it from cover to cover, thought it really rather good, left that job a year or so later and am happier now than I was then. I kept the book in my bedside drawer and glanced at the cover before heading off to work quite a few times that year and it helped. I think of the donor warmly!

I dunno. If I'd said to a friend that I'm having trouble balancing life or whatever I think I'd feel touched in a way that they'd gone out of their way to be thinking of me to buy something that they think could help. However if it was unprompted and someone bought me a "how to calm down" book I'd probably ironically flip my lid

I generally don't get easily offended though

Sorry I missed earlier that it was from an ex. Makes it seem more likely it was done to annoy you!

It’s rude and presumptuous to give such a book to someone, even if they like that kind of book. I’d be offended and may say so.

Context matters somewhat, but usually a poor choice.

Care to share your scenario OP?

Shit No! Unless you don't like the person you are buying for...

Depends on the book and the relationship you have with your ex. If you’re good friends with the ex and the book is something that relates to a problem you’ve said you want to solve or an area of your life you want to improve, that’s fine. But if you aren’t on friendly terms and the book is called something like ‘How To Stop Being The Worst Person In The World’ or ‘Don’t Be A Cow’ that’s obviously a different matter.

What's the book? Depends what it is.

Just getting back to this, the book is called the secret, not sure if that changes anything?everyone said it was a great book and I wouldn't understand why until I had read it and I shouldn't make a judgement until I read the whole book, then I would understand. No we are not friends.

It could be seen as a positive gift. Helping you work out what you want from the next phase of your life.

Could also be a pass-ag way of saying you’re a negative cow who thinks the grass is always greener or that you don’t k ow what you want.

From an ex, I’d probably go with option 2 and YABU for being offended because you should have just laughed in his face!

Out of interest, did you instigate the divorce?

I'd err on the side of caution and say no but it depends on your relationship with them and how well you think they are likely accept it.

I have to admit I didn't know what the book was about at first so I didn't laugh in his face. I read a few pages and I got from it that my life isn't how I want it to be because I'm not positive enough?! Seemed a bit like he was trying to blame me for things that had happened. That's all I took from it that I need to be more positive but I stopped reading it as I didn't agree with the message and it seems to be quite repetitive. It felt quite hypocritical coming from him but apparently I need to read the whole book and then I would understand.

Like my mother who always mentioned 'oh X lost so much weight on Y diet'. Oh really?
Passive aggressive. If my mother had actually given me a diet book I would have been furious. It's not up to you to decide what needs improving in your friend.

Having looked at the book, and read that you're not on good terms, I'd say he's either trying to provoke you, or thinks that you'll have a sudden epiphany and apologize for absolutely everything because to him it's so obvious that it's all your fault. I suppose there is a slim chance he genuinely thinks it will help you and he's trying to build bridges, but it's definitely not my first (or second) thought.

@FlowersInAFlowerBed

It's a popular self help book out there,

It's essentially about how 🤔 to realise your personal goals in life in a bigger picture Holistic way type of thing,
Could come across as a bit spiritual aspect them running through the book,

i have heard of the book and have got it second hand charity shop,

It's sounds very much like your ex was being passive aggressive patronising know all type or type of thing,

However don't let the intention behind him giving you this book get to you, put you off..

have a read of it if you want to?

See what you think of it and how it can potentially help you,
if you feel like that about this book,

If you are just not feeling it about this book in whatever way?

then just donate to a charity shop or pass it on to someone else a friend etc who you know will apreaciate a book of this kind in some way..

Buying someone a self-help book is like gifting them breath mints or deodorant

Essentially it's like sending that long rambling text where you go through everything you didn't get on with and blame them for, without hitting delete.

He's making you wonder if every sentence is a reflection of you and your behaviour with him. I quoted part of Camu to an ex of mine because I knew he would have to look it up - it was definitely a passive aggressive thing for me to do as I wanted to show him what a cliche he was.

Unless you are an actual addict and he might actually send you a helpful book to change your life, he is just being petty and trying to one-up you.

What Self help Book ? , only one I'm reading is the love at first sight Jennifer e smith and ps I love you, I haven't read after you yet tho . Jojo Moyes one .

Rude and weird and a bit tragic

You are clearly still getting to them (if that’s in any way satisfying)

Jojo Moynes is a novelist

You ex is a butthead.

But you already knew that, I’m sure, given that he’s an ex.

You only buy a self help book for someone what has specifically asked you to.

Oh fuck me, the Secret is REALLY tragic

Scrap the rude and weird, they’re having a nervous breakdown