To ask why you sought an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood?

[terriblyangryattimes]

Many of my friends (ages late 20s to mid 40s) have in the past year or so sought an ADHD diagnosis. More often than not privately due to extended wait times. Some of them have kids who have SEND which made them think more about their own brain and how it works, a couple have stated it was purely off the back of watching social media videos of other people diagnosing themselves or their professional diagnosis.

I too have seen these videos and can relate to many of the 'symptoms' - although my own husband got an ADHD diagnosis in uni 18 years ago and we are not alike at all - but it presents differently in a female brain so I am led to understand.

My Q's for those who have received an ADHD diagnosis is what did you gain from it? Has it changed anything? What do you do differently in life because of it? Do you need/get adjustments at work? Are you medicated?

I do not mean to be goady or inflammatory at all here, I am genuinely curious and I'm asking what is the benefit of having a bit of paper stating you have ADHD rather than just assuming you have it.

I went for an assessment as 2 of our 3 children have been diagnosed with ADHD. I was assessed via right to choose around a year ago and am still on the waitlist for medication.

I am very similar to my eldest DC and I thought it would help my DC to know that I also have ADHD. Since my diagnosis I am less critical of myself. I have told my manager at work (she was not surprised) but I haven't told HR as I manage my workload well (I hyper focus and struggle to switch off). I haven't told friends or anyone outside of my immediate family but I am generally a private person.

Following with interest for the difference it's made to peoples lives. On a personal note, I have just recently started the process of an assessment for ADHD. It's important to me because I have spent my entire life feeling somehow "different" and like a failure and have developed a lot of negative thought patterns and view of myself. A diagnosis I hope will be the first step in unpicking this and learning to accept myself. I hope to see some positive posts from women who are a bit further down the diagnosis route and how this has positively affected them.

I got an autism diagnosis in my 50s. Massive relief. I understand myself better and others understand me better. i I am now able to explain to people that when they think my behaviour is off, that it is not me being deliberately awkward, it is in fact my autism.

It was suggested to me 20-ish years ago that I be assessed for ADHD by the CPN I was seeing, but I ignored it at the time. I just thought I was 'mental'.
After having my twins in 2018, a lot of my symptoms became worse and, eventually, I decided I owed it to my children to do whatever it took to sort myself out.
Fast forward to October '22, I had saved enough for assessment and was diagnosed with severe, combined ADHD.
I trialled the medication route and, honestly, it's the best decision I ever made, both for myself AND my daughters.
Also had the Autism assessment that was suggested to me many moons ago. And, was diagnosed.
Mine has been a fairly positive story, and it has helped me understand myself AND my daughters better. Twin 1 has had her Autism assessment and Twin 2 has had her ADHD assessment. Both diagnosed. Twin 1 is awaiting ADHD assessment and Twin 2 needs an Autism assessment.
It's not like diagnosis and medication alone have helped me to start to turn my around: I have worked my butt off on myself.

Had an autism diagnosis at 55 by the nhs on the back of my DD’s diagnosis after it was suggested .One of the outcomes of my autism diagnosis was that I should have an adhd diagnosis too. Having both has been life changing. Finally I have answers and can be kinder to myself! I’m also now getting treatment for the adhd.

I recently visited my doctors to see whether the 'symptoms' I have picked up in myself are what he deems worthy of an assessment. He decided so, for both ADHD and autism. Much as you've described, self diagnosis via social media.

I went through right to choose as the NHS waiting list in my area was 3 years, from them receiving the referall to my first appointment next week, it has been 3 weeks. I am first being assessed for Autism.

I have always struggled and wondered why I am different, since having two children, things got worse. I just thought 'it's just who I am and everyone is different' I didn't realise it would be something of a medical diagnosis until lately. Maybe I am wrong, but I am hoping that a diagnosis, and the medication that will follow, will help my brain relax, thus making life all round more bearable.

What did you gain from it?
Not so much what I gained, but that suspecting and not knowing was consuming every bit of peace.
I had masked and got away with it for life up to the point when I had a 2 year old and was trying to work as I had always done. A lot of life prior to that depended on workarounds, hyper focus, self medicating sometimes, and having a lot of time to rest when things were almost coming off the rails. That's not a sustainable thing to do with a 2 year old. Then add a pandemic and the WFH imperative.
Things are not perfect but it does make you work at regulating yourself.
What do you do to help life? You are aware of what will make things better and worse, especially in terms of work habits.
How does the piece of paper help? Can it? As well as helping, it can have an effect like a grenade and a shock wave to work with as well. There is nowhere to hide, not in whatever year of your age you are, nor lots and lots of hindsight. You notice what pushes your buttons and the memories of how, as well. If there are some who might see it as a validation, then good on them, but for most it's a bit gruelling to read your report and see the results of your tests pinned down. Your 'scores' are more than just a nice report of a quirky but charming subject. Some of the things I was assessed on - this took in other developmental assessments - put me impressively high up in some abilities, but in the bottom 2 percent of the population for others. Two Per Cent. I tell you, that takes some swallowing. You wonder things like whether you're a danger to yourself and others. You realise things aren't as hard for most, as you thought they were for everyone.

What everyone has said above plus so I can access medication.

It's about knowing yourself and being able to contextualise and understand things that might have affected you from childhood into adulthood, and having an explanation for why some things for you seem different or harder than they are for the majority. I don't have adhd, and don't suspect I have it either. But a diagnosis of autism and adhd in my son has helped me to understand difficulties I had in childhood and difficulties relating to others that I still have today. I'm not formally diagnosed, but I'm 100% someone with ASD (in my own belief) like my son. It used to really harm my mental health, but now I have a better understanding, I can be kinder to myself. And be better at taking recovery time from social interaction. I also now understand why I'm good at my job where others struggle (because it involves being firm with people and holding them and organisations to account, which most non-ASD folk find socially awkward and embarrassing).

Thank you so much for your insight, it's really helpful to read. Everyone's in fact (hence 'thanking' all the replies thus far) but this one especially was really useful. I'm glad you have the clarity now @Ormally

Following to read later as I've had my forms about a year and not gone back to the Dr!

It is something I am seriously considering now.
I am seeing a MH health peer support worker, and she is saying I should be assessed. She has ADHD herself, and we are so alike it is ridiculous.
I have spent my whole life thinking I am broken, lazy, that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. My life and house is chaos, and I can't work.
For the record, I don't use Tik Tok or anything like that, so I have not been influenced by videos on there.
My DP has ASD, and said he felt drawn to me as he assumed I was ND. I have an EUPD diagnosis (which I now understand is now horribly misdiagnosed).
However, I am put off by the long waiting list, and the form filling!

Dunno. My therapist was adamant so I went for it.

Telling people isn't helpful because they ask questions like "what is the point at your age?"

I don't know how it is helpful. I'm still waiting for this magical support and understanding. Everything is more confusing for me. I'm 47.

@terriblyangryattimes this was so kind of you to respond that way. I'm very touched actually. I think there's still a lot of turmoil and buried 'steam' underneath it all, that is not all exorcised (another realisation that creeps up), but that could just be personality! It has helped, but slowly. It would help in battalions if I was concerned about another close relative I cared about.

Because I feel like a complete underachieving loser. I'm forever losing things and getting overwhelmed. I neglect myself, resulting in a sky high BMI due to compulsive eating and a loose tooth due to shite oral hygiene. I should be in some high-flying career (Oxbridge master's degree), but instead I'm a part-time teacher as it's all I can cope with. I want some validation that I'm not a pathetic failure, just different😥

I have been to the GP and am awaiting an appointment. I have spent my life feeling like there is something wrong with me that I can't put my finger on. I have struggled socially and at work. I've made terrible decisions and don't seem to learn from them. I'm often consumed by regret and guilt at how my actions and choices impact on my life and on people around me. I am very anxious a lot of the time. I've been accused of being lazy, disrespectful and careless, even though I feel like I'm trying really hard. A diagnosis would help me make sense of my life and hopefully be a bit more compassionate towards myself.

I was shown a list of symptoms because my dd thought they sounded like her.

I pointed out they also were exactly like me and all my family

Got a diagnosis. Meds have been a life changer

Simply because I was drowning in life and I couldn’t work out why I couldn’t cope like everyone else seemed to… I know people say oh life is busy, everyone struggles to keep their shit together! But I was on a whole other level of not coping, and I had literally pared my life to work, eating and the very basics of housekeeping - still fell apart and couldn’t manage.

Also I was struggling to progress in my career because I was inconsistent in my productivity and my professional development.

I was lying so much to cover my adhd symptoms I hated myself.

Also for as long as I can remember I was mildly depressed, even as a 5 year old.

When the pandemic hit my life imploded and i thought I had a brain tumour or dementia/alzheimers - then I read something and it all became very clear that I had adhd.

Took a little bit longer to confess to my partner that i thought I had it, I was worried he would not want to have kids for fear of me passing on my wonky genes (thankfully he does not think this and is wonderfully supportive in adapting to my adhd.)

I haven’t looked back since getting my private diagnosis (did have a little grief period because I felt that an earlier diagnosis would have made so much of my life easier and I felt cheated) and the meds have been amazing along with adhd coaching.

Obviously it’s each to their own but I don’t regret getting a diagonal or going private, for me it’s been an utter lifesaver - and I think that is absolutely why people seek a diagosis, to understand themselves and make sense of their struggles and feelings.

I have been wanting to contact the GP for an assessment as I struggle daily with just simple life tasks and I’m struggling at work. If I had a diagnosis (which I don’t really want, I’d rather be “normal”) then at least work would know why I am like I am.

However I’m too anxious to call the GP, I don’t know what to say and think they’d just think I was jumping on the bandwagon.

Same here. My GP fobs me off with anxiety for everything!
I don't have the spoons to fight tbh.

@Wotcher I'd recommend printing out a screening test for ADHD - the Adult Self Rating Scale V1.1 is a good one to use as it was developed by the WHO. The one you want has 18 questions.
To be diagnosed with ADHD, you need to have a certain number of symptoms. These symptoms need to have been present since childhood and they need to significantly affect your life.
If you meet the criteria for further investigation, take a copy of the test to your GP appointment along with some concrete examples from childhood and now, and a list of ways in which your symptoms are significantly negatively affecting your life.
You'll feel more confident if you can go to an appointment clutching some solid evidence, and the GP will be more likely to take you seriously.

Even if you don't have ADHD, though, it might be that you could benefit from a bit of support with your executive functioning skills (brain processes that enable us to plan, prioritise, organise, inhibit our responses etc.) EF skills can suffer for all sorts of reasons other than ADHD - stress, menopause, illness etc.

Good luck! X

@XenoBitch see my response to Wotcher above. I'm sorry you're feeling exhausted, you poor thing - it is so exhausting. Good luck to you too. X

@XenoBitch that’s rubbish (and other rude words)

One practical thing I do for my adhd best friend is advocate for her, it’s easier to do than doing for myself. Do you have someone who could do this for you?

Sorry to hear about those who feel they won't be believed by their GP, or feel that they will be seen to be 'jumping on the bandwagon'

It's particularly important to look after ourselves as we age, and if this involves looking into possible neurodivergence, then that should be taken seriously.

I 'managed' most of my life, but started to fall apart when my physical health fell off a cliff, approaching 50. Menopause can also be a massive trigger. It amplifies Autistic and ADHD symptoms. This partially explains why a lot of women seek diagnosis as older adults.

I feel particularly sad when I see threads with faux naivety around the 'explosion in diagnosis' It's been under diagnosed for years. It's been misunderstood and women (largely) have been thrown under a bus over the past few decades, as most research went into typical male presentation.

The charity Young Minds estimates that 1 in 20 young people have ADHD. If we are to think of that and apply it to us as adults (then add in any physical health issues or menopause that makes it even harder to cope with every day life) then there's our answer. Thousands of middle aged women with neurodivergence, most of whom have been struggling for years, many of whom have been misdiagnosed previously, and many of whom have never been taken seriously.

It's exhausting, but my heartfelt advice is to see your GP armed with evidence. Fill in the official online screeners (can be found on the ADHD UK website) and this will assist with the process, as it forms part of the pre assessment anyway.

I was broken. I now understand myself and actually rather quite who I am now. I'm pleased I sought diagnosis, and I'm bloody proud of myself that I did it.

A lot of us women with Autism and / or ADHD find that we finally 'forgive ourselves' once we know.

Typo

Because I wanted some stimulants.