To ask why you sought an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood?

[terriblyangryattimes]

Many of my friends (ages late 20s to mid 40s) have in the past year or so sought an ADHD diagnosis. More often than not privately due to extended wait times. Some of them have kids who have SEND which made them think more about their own brain and how it works, a couple have stated it was purely off the back of watching social media videos of other people diagnosing themselves or their professional diagnosis.

I too have seen these videos and can relate to many of the 'symptoms' - although my own husband got an ADHD diagnosis in uni 18 years ago and we are not alike at all - but it presents differently in a female brain so I am led to understand.

My Q's for those who have received an ADHD diagnosis is what did you gain from it? Has it changed anything? What do you do differently in life because of it? Do you need/get adjustments at work? Are you medicated?

I do not mean to be goady or inflammatory at all here, I am genuinely curious and I'm asking what is the benefit of having a bit of paper stating you have ADHD rather than just assuming you have it.

I am currently awaiting a doctor's appointment about this very thing. I have always thought that I was "different"; didn't fit in in social circles; struggled with off the charts procrastination, zoning out, etc. I remember at age 21 I was with a boyfriend and we were at a theme park and I suddenly realised that he was eating an ice lolly. I asked him where he had got it from as I had no recollection of us buying ice lollies. He laughed and said oh I bought us ice lollies from the ice cream van while you were doing that thing you do. I said what thing I do? He said, when you "zone out". Looking back it all makes so much sense now.

About a year ago I stumbled on a pod cast with the actress Geena Davis. She was talking about how she had been diagnosed with ADHD in her fifties. She gave an example of how a boyfriend had split up with her because she had a dining table but never bought dining chairs to go with it. She just kept putting it off. I thought Oh My God....it was like a light bulb moment. I looked around my house and saw the blind I have never put up in the bathroom, the shelf that lives on the floor in my bedroom, the six handbags I have on the go at any one time. The constant lost keys and letters I need and constant losing and breaking of mobile phones. The putting off of the most simple tasks like texting someone back to the point that they think I'm cross with them. Starting the washing up and then finding myself in the paint shop buying paint and brushes to decorate a room that never gets finished. But spending hours and hours hyper fixated on something like who really was Jack the Ripper or what made the Titanic sink. All the while the piles and piles of laundry are threatening to rise up and take on a life on their own and consume me.

I drive myself mad and doing my job is hard, hard work. It's so hard to focus and yet when I least expect it, I will hyper focus on something that really isn't urgent but that I become obsessed with. It's no surprise that people with ADHD are often diagnosed with OCD and/or depression. Because it can be bloody depressing and feels like you are obsessed with certain things. That's why it has lifted my spirits to read here that I am not alone and that not everybody thinks that ADHD is a made up condition to make lazy and scatty people feel better. I am hoping that a proper diagnosis might make me feel that I am not a failure.

@Sharptonguedwoman to some extent, yes it was possible to work out what was “off” and put in coping strategies but not for everything, What’s more it can be very tiring to do this, so it is better to ‘come out’. There are quite a few things where it is impossible to ‘cope’ eg meltdowns, not recognising faces (common with autistic people) or sensory issues.

Some people - many people - benefit from Protection.

By this, I mean that their employer then won't do any of the following;

Insist they work in a loud, crowded office where there is no chance of being able to concentrate because there are five separate conversations going on, constant visitors to other staff, flickering fluorescent lights and no natural daylight, a huge amount of clutter, a radio going all the time, stuff on the walls and visual noise shrieking at them all the time (including situations where they've previously been working in a more or less ideal environment but somebody else decides that everybody should be in the same area and it's not fair that one person gets a 'privilege' to have their own office).

Ban people from getting up and moving around. 'The only time people leave their desks is during their designated break. If you want to get up, you agree in advance with the manager that the rota will be changed and you can take your lunchbreak at 11.30am from then on.'

Expect them to have lunch at their desks or to miss lunch/come back when summoned. 'Oh no, there's work to do, if you go over your time for lunch, you don't get to take it later'/'Where are you? What do you mean on lunch? You're needed back immediately, there's work to do'.

Impose changes with zero notice 'Oh, we've decided you're working over there from now on, next to the person who has constant visitors all day/the fridge that buzzes and will have people going to it and complaining to you that there's no milk like it's your problem, you've got fifteen minutes to move and then we'll expect you to be running at full capacity', 'No, from now we've completely changed a process and you now have to go in and out of three separate apps and everything has to be manually input because copy & paste won't work but we haven't written this new process down or thought that this way makes another aspect impossible'

Insist that everything is done in a rigid way that doesn't take into account a preference for visuals or simple logic - such as a phone list that is ordered by Mr A - Z, then Miss A - Z, Mrs A - Z, Ms A - Z and is a word list converted to PDF, so can't be edited and done properly colour coded/reorganised into a logical system.

'Why can't you answer right now? Don't you know? Why haven't you done it? Why haven't you said you've done it? I've emailed you fifteen times in the last hour requiring other things, why haven't you done the first thing yet?'

'Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way about the new office setup, but we are not going to give anybody special treatment, so we'll go forward with you reporting to x person with a written account of your activities by 9.05 every morning and an hourly written update and then a written account of what has been finished, what is outstanding, what you are doing to resolve them and how many minutes it will take for you to complete them so we can see where you're going wrong by 4.10pm every day'.

Those things may well affect everybody, but the protection that a diagnosis gives, it's less likely to be happen because a) they know it's a bad idea, b) they might listen if somebody says it won't be helpful due to their ADHD whereas an alternative works because or c) they would be at risk of getting into legal hot water due to deliberately doing those things to make it unbearable for the person to remain - so constructive dismissal - or to set them up for Capability Procedures to manage them out.

I haven't coped my whole life and when I tried talking to my GP about my symptoms over the years she was largely dismissive or focused on trauma / mental health. Can't cope with housework 'Get a cleaner' Over decades I was referred to treatment for depression, anxiety and PTSD but no amount of therapy helped me cope with everyday responsibilities. Taxes years behind, struggling with basic self care, housecare and socially. At one point I employed some-one to assist me with the most basic of things. I felt a lot of shame. Simultaneously I was running a business and excelling in other areas of my life.
Then menopause hit and the systems I’d put in place no longer were enough. On most days I hit a wall at around 2 in the afternoon and from that time onwards struggled to do anything including taking myself to the loo.
At this point my marriage was also rocky for the first time.
It never ever occurred to me I might have ADHD. I’d bought the idea that it was about overactive badly behaved little boys. But before the ADHD bandwagon arrived in a random conversation I heard some-one rattle off the symptoms and I thought “That’s ME!”
Diagnosis was expensive and took a long time and to my surprise I was diagnosed with both ADHD and chronic fatigue.
I’m not a fan of medication and was quite petrified about taking a tablet. I think maybe it would change who I am or take away the things I am good at.
The first pill worked like magic - after about an hour I felt calm and focused and a constant feeling of doom was gone. And my body felt different - often my muscles felt rigid and I moved awkwardly - but now I felt fluid. I had no idea it would affect more than my brain. And I was no longer reaching for sweet things to eat constantly throughout the day.
I felt grief like a PP. It was quite overwhelming - I cried a lot for all the lost decades. I think I felt like I’d been robbed as there is no way to turn back time.
I am very private and have not shared my diagnosis with many people at all (I'm feeling very hesitant in sharing this even now) but it’s been life changing. I don’t mean that things were immediately easy but I am now making good progress on rebuilding my life. I still struggle to start things and complete things but I’m more open to asking for the help I need.

You sound exactly like me. All being well I will have my ADHD assessment this summer. It would explain soooo much. Hugs!

My DD’s secondary school picked hers up when she started. She found the transition horrendous and I was so desperate to help her we went to a private paediatrician for assessment. (She’d be doing GCSEs if we waited for the NHS.). That was 4x 1 hour appts, reports from both schools etc.

The paediatrician strongly suggested I seek diagnosis too. I spoke with a clinical psychologist I worked with and she was amazed I didn’t know I had it. Again, ridiculous waiting list so I went private. Top marks across every measure. School reports, questionnaires from my parents and colleagues, 3 hours of assessment.

Life suddenly made sense.

I spent 6 months doing all the non-medication stuff: coaching, exercise, diet. And 2 months ago I started medication. It’s been life changing.

I can support DD. I can manage life better. Sometimes I mourn the opportunities I may have had had ADHD in girls been better understood in the 90s. But actually, I’ve done okay.

I had my ADHD diagnosis at 38 and made the personal decision not to medicate.
Like many people have said, it's helped me accept myself. I'm not a failure/lazy/thick (I have a 1:1 degree...hello hyperfocus!) Up until 4.5 years ago I had a successful career but had to give this up due to different, physical, disabilities.

At the grand old age of 46 I'm finally beginning to like myself & accept me for who I am. I know I'm wired differently to NT folks and that's OK.
Ironically, my diagnosis has been incredibly helpful in supporting my 13 Yr old DD as she is currently going through the pathway. Whilst our ADHD manifests in different ways there's also a number of crossover elements that I feel equipped to support her through.
My partner recieved his diagnosis at 49 and chose to medicate. His diagnosis & medication have been an absolute game changer for him.
Remember, there's a whole generation of us, especially woman who mask, that went through school flying under the radar x