Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stepson been in dressing room

71 replies

Anon900 · 10/04/2024 12:48

WWYD and AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about this… I have a dressing room separate to my bedroom and yesterday evening, while everyone was out of the house except for my 13 year old stepson, it was clear that someone had been in there as the blind was pulled down and I know for sure that I didn’t do it. The dressing room is quite a private space and I sometimes leave underwear out etc so it’s not a room I expect my stepson to use. I feel a bit weird that he was in there when no one else was around and am wondering what he was doing in there that he felt the need to pull the blind down?!

OP posts:
Evenstar · 10/04/2024 12:49

I would put a lock on the door

DreadPirateRobots · 10/04/2024 12:50

Hate to tell you this, but kids, especially curious teens, do this. They go through your stuff. You can tell them not to, but unless you lock it up they're probably gonna.

ByUmberViewer · 10/04/2024 12:52

Ask him not to do that.

Cazpar · 10/04/2024 12:55

It was clear that someone had been in there as the blind was pulled down and I know for sure that I didn’t do it.

The most likely explanation is that you did do it, you just don't remember.

If you're worried however then get a lock on the door.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/04/2024 12:58

I wouldn't get a lock, I'd just ask DH to have a word. He'll probably say he didn't go in there and that'll be that but hopefully he won't go in again.

Flamingogirl08 · 10/04/2024 13:03

Kids snoop, it's just one of them things. I don't have any rooms that are off limits to the kids but if you do want that either lock on the door or you or DH tell him it's your private space.

Catza · 10/04/2024 14:29

It's his house though. I would feel weird having a room in a house that my stepkid is not allowed to go into.

Andthereyougo · 10/04/2024 14:34

Tweens/Teens are nosy. My visiting nieces used to lock themselves in the bathroom and go through the cabinet. Toothpaste, Calpol and the odd box of tampons were apparently fascinating. 🤷‍♀️
Get DH to have a word, Dss has his private space you won’t snoop through so he shouldn’t go in yours.

LadyKenya · 10/04/2024 14:37

DreadPirateRobots · 10/04/2024 12:50

Hate to tell you this, but kids, especially curious teens, do this. They go through your stuff. You can tell them not to, but unless you lock it up they're probably gonna.

This. The solution is a lock, which has been suggested already.

CelesteCunningham · 10/04/2024 14:44

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/04/2024 12:58

I wouldn't get a lock, I'd just ask DH to have a word. He'll probably say he didn't go in there and that'll be that but hopefully he won't go in again.

Exactly this.

Personally, I wouldn't like to be locking a bedroom or dressing room door unless there were very extreme issues, which doesn't include a snooping teen.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 10/04/2024 14:55

Fit a lock?. Let's be honest, if there was a room in the house that I was not allowed in . As soon as the house was empty, I'd be having a snoop.

Original poster
Anon900 · 10/04/2024 16:16

Thanks - it feels a bit OTT to fit a lock at this point. It’s not so much that he’s not allowed in there as I don’t really see any reason why he needs to be in there, and it feels weird that he waited to go in there until we were out. I guess I wouldn’t have expected him to go snooping in there, especially as he’s my stepson and he’s only recently moved in with us!

OP posts:
Cbljgdpk · 10/04/2024 16:19

It’s normal for kids I think and it’s worth saying you’d rather him not go in there without permission as he may not realise. I was surprised when DSD mentioned once going to get something out of our en suite and felt the same so we said if she needs something then to ask us

penjil · 10/04/2024 16:21

Do you suspect he's dressing up in your underwear?

He could be developing a fetish, or even identity issues.

If you confront him about going on there, he could be embarrassed and feel shame.

Unless you have 100% positive proof he went in there, I wouldn't say anything. The blind being pulled down could be a mistake....it could have been you.

Just keep an eye on the situation.

MrsO3 · 10/04/2024 16:23

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/04/2024 12:58

I wouldn't get a lock, I'd just ask DH to have a word. He'll probably say he didn't go in there and that'll be that but hopefully he won't go in again.

Agree. This is the best suggestion IMO

BestMug · 10/04/2024 16:25

Just ask your DH to explain that that's a private place for you so can he please not go in. No biggie.

helpfulperson · 10/04/2024 16:30

I also think it's likely you pulled the blind down and forgot. I agree teenagers snoop, possibly also go through things they shouldn't. But pull a blind down, unlikely.

TheSnowyOwl · 10/04/2024 16:46

Anon900 · 10/04/2024 16:16

Thanks - it feels a bit OTT to fit a lock at this point. It’s not so much that he’s not allowed in there as I don’t really see any reason why he needs to be in there, and it feels weird that he waited to go in there until we were out. I guess I wouldn’t have expected him to go snooping in there, especially as he’s my stepson and he’s only recently moved in with us!

He probably wanted to see what was in there and the fact he doesn’t feel allowed made it all the more appealing.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/04/2024 16:47

Ask him if he's questioning his gender, and if he wants to borrow a bra he needs only ask next time. Or better still you'll take him shopping.
He should get the idea to stay out.

Mischance · 10/04/2024 16:51

I would just let it wash by. He has recently moved in - you were all out - and he took the opportunity to have a bit of a nose. You will be getting off on very much the wrong foot if you start giving him the third degree about it.

Cut him a bit of slack - his life has changed and he will be needing support and love, not a heap of questions. Just forget it.

Flamingogirl08 · 10/04/2024 17:02

Anon900 · 10/04/2024 16:16

Thanks - it feels a bit OTT to fit a lock at this point. It’s not so much that he’s not allowed in there as I don’t really see any reason why he needs to be in there, and it feels weird that he waited to go in there until we were out. I guess I wouldn’t have expected him to go snooping in there, especially as he’s my stepson and he’s only recently moved in with us!

It actually makes more sense if he's only just moved in. Just taking the opportunity to have a nose!

Motheranddaughter · 10/04/2024 17:03

We have a lock on our bedroom door

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 10/04/2024 17:04

I wouldn’t read too much into it. If he’s just moved in, he was probably curious. It’s a lot of change for a child, and it must feel strange having a room in his own home that he’s not allowed to see inside. I dare say now he’s seen it, he’ll have lost interest.

if you are going to mention please tread carefully, and with the acknowledgement that you could be wrong. My stepdad accused me of going in his study when I was 15, he ‘knew’, because his computer and lamp were on. I was the only person home, but I really didn’t go in. He refused to believe me, and it completely ruined our relationship. (And the one between him and my mam. He even brought up the fact that she refused to ‘punish’ me years later during marriage counselling. My mam has told me since that it was then she decided to end the relationship). It was 2 decades ago, and I still remember how frightened I was, knowing I didn’t do it, but having no way to prove it.

dolphinette · 10/04/2024 17:10

Probably just curious, not a big deal

Original poster
Anon900 · 10/04/2024 17:14

Thanks all - not planning on making a big deal of it but thanks for the advice. I know for sure I didn’t do the blind as I never put it down - I don’t really need to. So it was obvious when I came into the room that someone had been in as it’s never ever down. I guess that’s what freaked me out as I wondered why on earth he needed to put the blind down if he was just snooping… but hey ho, will leave it now and see if it happens again…

OP posts: