Stepson been in dressing room

[Anon900]

WWYD and AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about this… I have a dressing room separate to my bedroom and yesterday evening, while everyone was out of the house except for my 13 year old stepson, it was clear that someone had been in there as the blind was pulled down and I know for sure that I didn’t do it. The dressing room is quite a private space and I sometimes leave underwear out etc so it’s not a room I expect my stepson to use. I feel a bit weird that he was in there when no one else was around and am wondering what he was doing in there that he felt the need to pull the blind down?!

What I don’t understand is what are your specific privacy concerns if the room is empty. Fair enough you don’t’ want kids to walk in on you shagging but to completely forbid access to an empty room or an empty bathroom seems like a needless power trip for the sake of it.
I always had and still have access to all areas in my parent’s and grandparents’ house. I have zero issues maintaining boundaries and privacy. I am very grateful though that I was allowed to feel like an equal member of the family growing up and not having the details of home ownership waved in my face for the sake of asserting dominance.

@Anon900 your repeated use of the word 'snooping' suggests that you are, at least subconsciously, assuming some sort of nefarious purpose. If he's moved in with you and isn't used to living somewhere where certain rooms are off limits, it's natural that he'll feel entitled to spend time in any room. That doesn't mean you and DH can't gently set boundaries, for example by conveying the message that your dressing room is basically an extended wardrobe and is private. But your DH does not 'need to deal with this firmly' as suggested by a PP 🙄

Good for you. They have no reason to need to be in here. End of really.

they have their own rooms and loads of bathrooms to use so I really fail to see the issue, it’s not a power trip it’s just maintaining privacy in a blended family house.

You could jump to conclusions about cross dressing but there could be lots of other reasons he was in there - looking for chocolate? Great wifi? Hide and seek with friends? Looking for a confiscated item? I know it's probably not exactly those but it could be something else. If he WAS trying on clothes then having left the blind in a different position, perhaps he was wanting to encourage a discussion about it. So much speculation though - just get DP to ask him.

Well, that’s an unnecessary jump.

I think you need to ignore it, you have no proof he was in there and so what he f he was, it’s his house too.

as far as the blind goes it’s possible that it moved without human intervention I don’t think you can jump to conclusions here

I can understand him having a snoop around while he was in the house on his own, especially as he's only just moved in but why pull the blind down unless he's trying on clothes or whatever. Do you share the dressing room with his dad?

Exactly this. I don’t think it’s even worth saying anything unless he goes in again.

I'm sure you've have various variations of "its his house though, he can go wherever he likes"

However, posters are also very quick to tell you you shouldn't be entering teen SCs rooms and so on..

There is nothing wrong with wanting private space in your own house.

I'd lock it.

@GrumpyPanda I wasn't suggesting the Op leave a few pairs of her knickers about just in case! I was suggesting a possible reason why her DSS might have been in her private dressing room, not saying he should be in there. If a lock on the door would make the Op more comfortable then no reason she shouldn't have one fitted.
Her DSS has only recently moved in, there's going to an adjustment period for both of them. I suggested she ignore this one occasion rather than blow up their relationship.

Kids snoop. I went through everything when I was a teen ☺️. I'd just leave it this time. I wouldn't even mention it to your husband. It sounds like on this occasion you aren't too sure if someone has been there or not. If it was your own son, would you mind? It isn't to criticise, it's just a question worth thinking on.

If you think that he is going through your drawers and sniffing your pants later down the line then of course address that.

Get a Blink camera or whatever and leave it on when you're out. If he's up to anything inappropriate you can confront him with the evidence. Chances are he's just being nosey or not used to being in an empty house. When I was first old enough to be left home alone I was always looking in rooms when there was a strange noise - not to be nosey, because I wanted to know what the sound was and whether anything was wrong. Part of it was the feeling that if I'm at home alone and a picture fell off the wall or something (by itself I mean), I'd be the one to get the blame so if there was an unexpected creak or bang that was probably outside, I'd go into all the rooms to check nothing was out of place. If it's a new home to him, this sense of uncertainty over strange noises would be heightened I'd imagine.

@Dotjones can I just check that you're joking about the camera? I assume you are but just wanted to check.

Typical. S huge leap as always. Stepson explores in out of bounds room in his new home and it is automatically assumed by some posters to be sexual and he's apparently rummaging through his stepmothers underwear drawer. It's exactly what any teen would do if told you can't go somewhere - you go. Op doesn't even have any proof that he did go in there.

He was probably just trying on your undies. If I was you I'd check them all to make sure none of them are stuck together, particularly around the gusset.

WTF, @MrsBosomworth?

Me too. My dressing room IS somewhere I'd consider "somewhere private" and if I had a feeling someone had been snooping I'd certainly put a lock on it - or a keypad if having to lock it and remembering where the key is was a nuisance.

How separate is it from your bedroom - is it completely separate off the landing or do you off the bedroom itself? 🌹

@Newestname002 a keypad?? We're talking about a walk-in wardrobe, not GCHQ!

🤣

But surely it’s different with a stepson and stepmother, especially when the boy is going through puberty. If it was my eight year old biological daughter or my ten year old biological son, or if it was a stepson going through his stepdad’s shirts and suits, or a stepdaughter going through her stepmother’s make up, that would be different. A 13-year-old boy going into the room of a woman to whom he isn’t related however…no, sorry, that’s different.

I wondered why on earth he needed to put the blind down if he was just snooping I would have wondered the same.