Stepson been in dressing room

[Anon900]

WWYD and AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about this… I have a dressing room separate to my bedroom and yesterday evening, while everyone was out of the house except for my 13 year old stepson, it was clear that someone had been in there as the blind was pulled down and I know for sure that I didn’t do it. The dressing room is quite a private space and I sometimes leave underwear out etc so it’s not a room I expect my stepson to use. I feel a bit weird that he was in there when no one else was around and am wondering what he was doing in there that he felt the need to pull the blind down?!

It’s his own home at the end of the day, I’m not sure many of us prevent our own kids going somewhere in our own homes, but equally there’s discussions to be had about personal privacy….out of interest, would you go into his room or does he have an expectation of privacy? Perhaps his dad could have a discussion about your dressing room being your private space and that you wouldn’t be going into his room without asking first because that is his private space.

He's a teenager, just ignore it.
I think you could end up causing way more harm than good.

If he has moved in with you it has become his home and I assume he was just curious. If he's never been in the room he probably just wanted to see it. Why don't you ask him.

If you're sure you didn't leave the blind down then it probably was your DSS. I know it's not a nice thought but he's 13, he's hit puberty and a lot of boys his age will have a rummage in their DM/DSIS underwear draw because they find it a thrill, quite a few grown men will confess they did the same thing as teenagers. It's not anything perverted and doesn't mean he's trying your clothes on or is trans, it just means he's at an age when his sexuality is new and a bit urgent and he's looking for an outlet for it.
The fact you're one step removed by being his DSM eases his guilt a bit but I'm sure he'd be mortified if you mentioned it to him, the closing the blind shows a fear of discovery. If the idea makes you uncomfortable I'd move anything of an intimate nature out of the dressing room to somewhere private and then pretend nothing ever happened.

Oh dear. If he closed the blinds he was probably having a wank in there.

I used to snoop in my parents' drawers and it had nothing to do with arousal. It's just that age when you suddenly realise your parents are adults who do adult things and all the trappings of adulthood and adult bodies - sex and romance, alcohol, even medication and toiletries - become strangely fascinating.

I can’t see him pulling the blind down TBH.

Arrgh I couldn't stand this! My privacy is really important to me. He's obviously been in there and it's your private space with some very personal things in it. I'd have to get a lock for the door.

Yup, me too. Some areas are off limits and my dressing room would defo be one.

This would make him even more curious, I would think!

It’s the OPs house. No kids are home owners.

my bedroom, dressing room and bathroom are no go zones for all the kids. Privacy is important and should be respected.

your husband needs to deal with this firmly and clearly,

I agree with this

Fuck me this is sad. Do you treat kids like guests in your house? I suppose that also means they have no responsibilities to look after it, help out with chores etc. And do you similarly respect their privacy and their room is no go zone for you? No? Didn’t think so…

Why would my kids come into my bedroom? I have a husband he isn’t their dad. His kids don’t come in either. I don’t understand why they need to be in there? Privacy and boundaries are so important.

as for their rooms, if they are in, I’ll knock but essentially I’m the parent and we are the bill payers so we will have access to all areas of our home. They are responsible for tidying their rooms and helping clear after dinner. They don’t need access to my room for any of that!

Good decision. Least said, soonest mended.

If there are places in the home (that is now his too) that you do not want him to go in, then maybe tell him. He can't know what he doesn't know.

Aw, this makes me feel a bit sad. I loved getting in/on my parents’ bed and having a mindless chat about life, up to the day I moved out. Was very cozy and I never felt like a nuisance to them, though I appreciate all family dynamics are different.

When I was married to their dad we of course did this and they came into our room etc . but it’s not the same with a step parent and this was a rule from day one of us living together, if they need us they knock and wait. It’s best for everyone.

I would just casually ask him if he had pulled the blinds down, without any accusatory tones. It would give him an idea that you know he's been there but aren't making a big deal out of it, and that will probably be the end of that.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally That sounds really sad. The kids sound like tenants in a rooming house, look after the place and knock to see the landlord.

This. I’d rather a 13 yo than my 2yo, although I guess she may at 13 be even better at emptying my makeup pots and smearing them on my carpet, walls and clothes than she is now.

So if they could walk In And jump into bed with me and their step dad at any time MN would he ok with that would they? This place is wild sometimes!! Of course there needs to be privacy! Im sure you’d all have a problems with my teenage girls walking in on my husband in bed / getting out of the shower etc! Honestly!

This. As a teenager it would never occur to me to pull a blind down when entering a room.

I've heard it all now. Women, just shut up and provide wank material to be kind. Just out of interest, where and how do you suggest OP carve out "somewhere private" if her private dressing room isn't respected, and how should she ensure this private-space-within-private-space remains thus when the merely private space isn't?

I wish people would stop gaslighting the OP and telling her she pulled the blind down.

OMG This!
What stupid comments regarding you are to dull to know what you did!

OP clearly says she k ow she didn't do it. So unless she's got an inconvienet poltergeist then she knows it was the child.

This is MN the step child can’t possibly in the wrong and the step mother is always wrong. It’s standard behaviour.