Is 2.5hrs+ of travel excessive expectation?

[ChildcareQ]

GPs live ~40 mins away.

They occasionally help out with odd day here and there of school holiday childcare.

Usually travelling to the family home and looking after children in their own home (so approx 80 mins travelling).

One parent WFH and has expressed this situation does not work for them. It's too disruptive. They want GP to look after children in their home. This was raised day before childcare had been arranged for, no time to rearrange/make alternative arrangements.

At short notice other parent arranged to drop DC off at GP house in the morning before work. Not ideal as GP house is 40 mins in wrong direction for work. Will make parent "late" for work (not an issue, parent works flexi). GPs will bring children home at the end of the day.

WFH parent is now incredulous and thinks this is unreasonable. GPs should pick up children and drop them back - so over 2.5hrs of travelling.

Other GP with a similar arrangement will drop and collect, but they live 20 mins away. Is WFH parent unreasonable to expect the same of other GP who live further away?

Before anyone says it, other parent is now planning to use holiday clubs in future for the odd days that GPs would usually help out. Not worth the hassle (although children will miss out on GP time and be sad as they would prefer to be looked after by GP).

Other parent does not think WFH parent is being unreasonable to find WFH with children and GP in home difficult. However expecting GPs to provide childcare, plus travelling 2.5hrs seems unreasonable.

WFH parent is being a dick. Yes, it’s a pain to have kids in the house when you’re working, so you need to be behind a closed door with good headphones on.

Can’t expect grandparents to both pick up and drop off kids! We’ve always taken ours to grandparents in the morning, they’ve generally brought them home but that’s an extra, we know it’s our responsibility really.
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WFH parent is being a dick. Time with GPs rather than holiday club is so worth a bit of disruption. Asking for 2.5 hours driving in addition to a days childcare is so very entitled and rude.

This is excessive for both the grandparents and the DC
How about, going forward, the whole family visit the grandparents for lunch on the Sunday & spend the afternoon there. Parents then return home (gaining a bonus children Sunday evening), leaving the DC with the grandparents. Grandparents provide childcare on the Mon & Tues and they meet somewhere equidistant early evening on the Tues and return the DC.

At short notice other parent arranged to drop DC off at GP house in the morning before work. Not ideal as GP house is 40 mins in wrong direction for work. Will make parent "late" for work (not an issue, parent works flexi).

Why was this “other parent”’s responsibility? Does WFH parent actually do any useful parenting or is he are they just useless?

I'm a GP. I am not going to drive 40 min to pick up kids, then return them at end of day. end of story.

WFH parent needs to find somewhere else to work. Its a home first, workplace second

This is bonkers.

My WFH arrangement with my employer is made solely to improve our family life. Less costs of commuting, more family time and flexibility. Better for the dc.

Dc go OUT for childcare. I need peace, not the dc and PIL being in the next room all day, nipping in to ask XYZ or to show mummy their drawing or whatever (which would definitely happen).

I would NOT be parking up in some random local cafe to work just to enable dc to stay at home. Much more logical for them to go to holiday club.

WFH parents is a cheeky fuck.

They don’t want the GP to come over.

As far as I’m concerned you should be dropping kids off and collecting them if you are not happy with them being in your house.

Clearly WFH parent hasn't phased it in a polite way but I kind of agree that childcare that requires anyone to do 2.5-3 hours of travelling is more hassle then it's worth.

It's absolutely taking the piss to expect the grandparents to do all that travelling on top of free childcare, so fare enough to want to stop that and really cheeky to have asked for it to begin with.

However as it was the established plan, not ideal that it was changed last minute, they should have said no from the start.

Totally understandable to not want to work with kids in the house, they won't give you a minutes peace.

Also understandable to not want a 1.5 hour drop of or pick up before and after work.

All that considered, odd days of holiday club seems like a fantastic idea, though I'd maybe shop around for a cheaper one. Children can still enjoy seeing grandparents when it's not childcare, maybe find some nice family venues somewhere between your locations, and meet there on a weekend, then everyone's only driving 20 minutes.

Thanks for replies.

So WFH parent is unreasonable to expect GPs do to 2.5hrs of driving to collect and drop children (seems to be the main consensus). WFH parent didn't understand why (on this occassion) I have arranged to drop the children off and not asked GPs to do four journeys!

That was the main crux of my AIBU - I don't think I worded it very well. I was trying to word it neutrally!

I am other parent, and the GPs that live 40 mins way are my parents.

WFH parents GPs live 20 mins away.

If my GPs provide no childcare at all WFH parent will be annoyed/make sarky comments that they CBA to help vs GPs on their side of the family. I feel like I can't win.

To be clear the childcare the GPs provide is minimal, but the odd day here and there across the year does help and they are happy to do it. As other parent I work PT so there are less days a week to cover in the school holidays.

WFH parent is also generally unhappy during the school holidays when they are working and the children and I are at home. Basically any people in the house, whether that is GPs and children or me and the children causes disruption. It's like walking on egg-shells (that's not the point of the thread I know).

Anyway, thanks for the replies.

Will continue with the drop off plan today and then re-assess for future holidays. WFH parent and other parent will be having a discussion!

I WFH and it is distracting when there is a lot of noisy disruption in the house, but I'd never begrudge those for being in their own home. You either suck it up, or go elsewhere (work in a cafe, for example). WFH parent is BU. You chose to WFH and have kids - you have to deal with your choices!

I am other parent, and the GPs that live 40 mins way are my parents.

Oh we never would have guessed OP 🤣

This would make no difference in many households though where money is shared. A cost to my husband is a cost to me.

WFH parent needs to remember its the HOME they ate working in, rather than the family living in their office.

It was pretty obvious it was your DH and the parents were your parents.

When DH had to work at home in lockdown the house next door, was bought by developers. It had been at the centre of an awful divorce and had not been occupied for about 5 years. It’s quite astonishing how quickly a house can deteriorate if empty. The noise for 4 months was terrible so he bought some Bose noise cancelling headphones. That’s what your DH needs to do invest in headphones and also have a period of self reflection on why he is such an awkward git.

WFH parent needs to be careful GPs don't quit minding his kids for free given his unreasonable conditions snd exceptions.

Maybe he sould cost some paid for childcare and discover the level of generosity and cost saving your parents are providing.

He sounds like an ungrateful knob tbh.

This. If he doesn't have a working space then it's not a suitable wfh environment.

Or if the kids are overly noisy / disruptive that's a parenting issue. Some general noise is fine - constant screaming or going into the study is not.

Can wfh parent go to an office during holidays? Or a co working space?

Your home is a home first and foremost. One member WFH does not get to dictate how other residents use the space as well.

If they need a more work focussed environment then they should go in to the office.

This.

WFH parent will have the same amount of travelling as the GPs

I can't believe WFH parent is being so selfish as to want GPs to drive double the distance and provide free childcare to give them peace and quiet at home. And are willing to make their kids sad by sending them to an childcare club rather than take responsibility for some of the driving.
They can surely find somewhere else quiet to work.

Both parents are unreasonable for expecting GP to do holiday childcare.
But it should be in GP home. Don't make them travel.

WFH parents it taking the absolute piss and needs to remind themselves of two things. 1. They are a parent, they are responsible for their own children. 2. They work from HOME . Their families home and have no right to expect an empty house to work from.

Kids must be very young if WFH parent can't handle parenting and WFH like many parents do. GPs are doing a huge favour

TBF I thought it was the GPs posting!

Can't your husband go into the office on the days the GPs come over?

Sounds like he'd benefit from getting out more.

My in laws are about an hour away they have DC occasional during the holidays - to make it worthwhile they have them have them for at least two days with an overnight. Drop off/collection will be shared so DH/me MiL/DH etc.

Would your parents be willing/able to do an overnight in future?

Does your DH have a dedicated 'office' at home that can be stressed as our of bounds during the work day or is he in the corner of a living space? If the former he needs to be firm about the children not disturbing him if the latter it is more difficult.

Could your parents come to you but take the children out for the day or are they only happy to have the DC in a home environment.

WFH parent has done a masterly job of ensuring everyone dances to their tune.

WFH parent can’t expect to work in a home with children without a bit of disruption during school holidays.

grandparents can’t be expected to do so much travel to do childcare.