He needs "a break" ... does this necessarily mean it's over?

[stoppedmakingsense]

Exactly that ... together for less than a year, long distance, all pretty intense and positive. But very odd flare-up at end of last week, prompted by me responding too emotionally, and now he wants time without having to second-guess my emotional reactions.

I see where he's coming from, but can't help but think the time / break is his way of saying he really doesn't want to deal with me any more and this is simply a breather before I get, to be blunt, dumped.

AIBU to even imagine there might be some more positive outcome?

It is exhausting. And you're right, I have been vague, but not because I want to obscure my own behaviour, just because to explain the situation specifically would be so outing.

I don't think we can get past the cross purposes; I'd be prepared to have the tough conversations needed to come out the other side of this, but that can't happen if he shuts me down. (In fairness, he probably thinks the same, but v.v.)

It's a sorry mess, and I'm sad, but nonplussed that he's prepared to discard what was (I thought) something pretty good between us.

As so many are saying, the only work I can do is on myself and my own self-awareness. Thinking I know what's going on with him might feel like an insight, but it doesn't change anything.

@stoppedmakingsense
@HeddaGarbled

Sounds like this relationship could be unhealthy intense and claustrophobic neediness and this could be the reason factor of stepping back and reflecting whether he wants this to continue in this kind of vein

Over act to me sounds like code word as in lcan be a bit too much or quite hardwork = head work at times!

@stoppedmakingsense

Thank you, you're entirely right. No more knot-tying for me! It's such a waste of energy and headspace, I know that.

Yes, it was a headmaster's office experience, which is so absurd it's almost funny. Unfortunately I don't think I received any specific homework so it'll be difficult to know if I've got an A+ or a C minus for my efforts. Perhaps some KPIs and a schedule of milestones will be forthcoming to give more focus to my remedial behaviour correction strategy.

Time to dust myself off from this particular crashlanding and step out of the path of the unsuitable men for a while.

Yes, it's not even code really! I can be hard work, I'm aware, but have also been working really hard to be decent, measured, calm, etc - without it being false or a front, just keeping myself in check and aiming to behave in a way that's adult and coherent rather than like a nightmare of neediness.

He's definitely stepped back to consider if he wants to continue, and i think the answer is a resounding "no thank you" (though I'd maintain the reasons for that aren't just about me being an intolerable pain in the arse).