Feel like ballet teacher is judging my parenting

[Stopfeedingthedog]

Dd is 5 and asked for ages to try ballet, she loves to dance, but is very high energy, not massively great at following strict rules, so I thought she may not enjoy. I let her have a try anyway and she did four lessons, she had some friends there and enjoyed it the first few, but last week, days before ballet, she started asking me if she had to go to ballet. I asked if she liked it and she said she liked seeing her friend from school and didn’t want to stop because it might make her friend sad, but that it was a bit hard and she didn’t like it and didn’t want to go. I asked her if she was sure/if she wanted to try one more time etc and she said she didn’t. I messaged the ballet teacher, who is an excellent teacher from Russia, but strict I feel for little ones. I apologised and said I don’t think it really suits Dd and there was no point doesn’t something she doesn’t like 100%
She didn’t reply for a couple of days, but then sent a message saying she was disappointed that she was just giving up and feels that a child like my Dd would benefit from discipline and that we can’t just give up on things in life…she’s 5 years old

Who is right here?

Goodness. She is 5. These things are meant to be fun. If she isn't loving it then stop. She has given it a go.

You’re the parent here, and your child has spoken. I’d listen to your child. It’s meant to be fun. There’s time for ballet later.

She’s 5….I mean not sure what you want to know. If she doesn’t want to do it there’s no point in my eyes forcing her to do so.

I don’t really know if the teacher being Russian has anything to do with it…

Lots of kids that age realise that dance classes are a bit hard and they don't like it. It's not wrong to let them try something else, it is sometimes worth saying they need to keep it up until end of term or whatever but that's your call.

I had similar from a similar extra curricular. Honestly I think they were just trying to guilt me into keeping my child there, and paying the subs!

I used to do ballet as a kid and hated it, never told my mum as I felt guilty but admitted it to her as an adult. She said she wished I'd bloody told her as she'd spent a fortune on those lessons! I'd just ignore OP, of course she wants your DD to continue, she wants your money. Maybe a different type of dance might be more fun for her?

It's your decision based on what you think is best for your child. She can judge as much as she likes, it doesn't matter. Probably she just wants to fill the class and have the payment.

She’s overstepping. She wasn’t entitled to share that opinion.

Both of my dc are ballet dancers, and I wouldn’t have sent them to a Russian school at 5. They both love Russian teachers now that they’re older teens/adults, but the strictness wouldn’t have been right for them at 5. At that age it should always be about doing it because it’s fun.

My take is that the teacher is probably too strict & makes it a bit of a miserable experience for her

My dsis was a ballet teacher and there’s no way she would have sent this!

Nobody’s wrong. You’re interpreting the same situation differently.

Eh? Everyone’s entitled to an opinion!

At this age it should be fully focused on fun. This doesn't sound like the right teacher for your Dd.

She's not entitled to share her opinion on a customer's child. Very unprofessional.

I don’t think it’s a criticism of your parenting, as such. It sounds to me she’s just very blunt and giving her unsolicited opinions. Which is rude, clearly, but not really an attack on your parenting. And even if it was, who cares? You know what’s right for your child, she doesn’t. Sod her!

It sounds to me as if she’s a very old school ballet teacher who takes it extremely seriously and is all about the discipline and sacrifice more than having fun - which isn’t what I’d want for a five-year-old, personally.

If your DD is full of energy, maybe she’d like to try something like gymnastics instead? Or a kids’ musical theatre group if she likes the performing element.

Dd asked to go back to gymnastics and trampolining, at 5 I only want her to do what she enjoys or what’s the point

I agree. Send her back to that then

Unless you’re a helicopter parent, I don’t think that the dual differences of the discipline required for serious ballet as well as the culture of Russia would sit well with your child!
There are ballet schools that cater to younger children, and present ballet as fun, then there are some (and unfortunately the one you chose seemed to fall into the following category) whose only aim is preparation of only the most naturally gifted children for the Royal Ballet School and beyond…
Its sad because it’s likely to have put your DD off.

@Anyotherdude I think that’s true, Dd said she liked the teacher, but thinking back, I remember after the last lesson
she was all nervy and hyper/silly, she sometimes gets like that if stressed, but I wasn’t sure. When I initially asked if she could start lessons, the teacher said she’d have to see what she was like first 😬
Should have chosen somewhere more casual/fun

Dd said she had to hold her leg up for a long time and it hurts and the lesson is too long

My daughter (4) tried ballet recently. She initially enjoyed it and went long enough for me to buy the whole kit and pay for the next block of 8 more lessons, but ended up not wanting to go back. Absolutely fine (though the money lost was eye-watering), no pressure from us, and that was that. The teacher was very understanding about it too and said she's welcome back in the future if she changes her mind. That's the way it should be.

I wouldn't give it another thought. She probably has lots of people leave because they don't like it. That's on her.

My DD got selected for some kind of ballet trial. We went along and I was dreading her being selected. But she came straight out and said she didn't want to do it. I was more than happy with that!

There's a ballet teacher close to us who is very strict, even at that age. 5 year olds who were scolded for not wearing their hair in the correct bun. Mine were never interested, but I know one child who stuck it out for a few years before quitting. Even her mother was scared of the ballet teacher.

Edit to add: yanbu to let your daughter quit. She should be trying lots of things and doing the ones she enjoys.

At 5 the lessons should be fun...they don't sound like they were and that's the teachers fault.

Maybe she would prefer tap lessons if there are any in your area..my dd did them at 5 and still does them 8 years later!