Feel like ballet teacher is judging my parenting

[Stopfeedingthedog]

Dd is 5 and asked for ages to try ballet, she loves to dance, but is very high energy, not massively great at following strict rules, so I thought she may not enjoy. I let her have a try anyway and she did four lessons, she had some friends there and enjoyed it the first few, but last week, days before ballet, she started asking me if she had to go to ballet. I asked if she liked it and she said she liked seeing her friend from school and didn’t want to stop because it might make her friend sad, but that it was a bit hard and she didn’t like it and didn’t want to go. I asked her if she was sure/if she wanted to try one more time etc and she said she didn’t. I messaged the ballet teacher, who is an excellent teacher from Russia, but strict I feel for little ones. I apologised and said I don’t think it really suits Dd and there was no point doesn’t something she doesn’t like 100%
She didn’t reply for a couple of days, but then sent a message saying she was disappointed that she was just giving up and feels that a child like my Dd would benefit from discipline and that we can’t just give up on things in life…she’s 5 years old

Who is right here?

Yes, I think that's the crux of it.

Don't overthink it. Nothing good can come from dragging a child to an activity they don't want to do

Everyone is entitled to an opinion it’s a natural thing. Everyone is not however entitled to express that opinion, if it has nothing to do with you nor affects you greatly or your child, I strongly believe we should keep our opinions to ourselves.

She sounds intense. Maybe she comes from a classically trained background where it’s taken incredibly seriously. I wouldn’t want it for my DD. It should be a bit of twirly fun at 5, surely.

This sounds just like my DCs music teacher (also Russian) - I think it’s just in their upbringing and background to be forthright and well exactly what you’ve said - very strict, direct, work hard, don’t give up. You know your child best and if ballet isn’t for her then don’t give a second thought as to what this woman thinks. I’m sure you will find a hobby that your daughter is better suited to. No point making her stick at something that clearly isn’t for her.

Well, I would hope a ballet teacher would come from a classically trained background!

My DD trained full time as a ballet dancer and now teaches. I think she would agree with me that Russian ballet generally has a different ethos and the teachers are often very strict. Which is fine, for serious ballet students but not really what most people would want for young children dancing as a hobby. I would look for somewhere else if your DD is keen to dance. Most dance schools will have a focus learning through fun at this age. It would be a shame for this one teacher to put your DD off what can be a very enjoyable hobby when she is so young.

Why not? She’s perhaps led a disciplined life and can’t understand parents not pushing. Maybe she saw something in the ops dd.

The op can reply or move on. I’d personally laugh it off as my oldest dd quit everything she tried. I push my youngest a little more because she enjoys her club.

I suspect there's a cultural barrier here and the teacher is yet to fully grasp what is culturally typical in the UK.

So neither of you is wrong but there is a problem with communication and understanding each other.

This is a class you pay for. It’s not school, they should be nice to you at all times. They are providing a service.

She sounds too strict for 5 year olds, she shouldn’t have said that, just take no notice.

Definitely let your DD do what she enjoys. The only non negotiable activity for us is swimming lessons.

Already answered! It’s not her place to express an opinion on the parenting of a child she barely knows!

If that was the case there would be no mumsnet!! Everyone is expressing an opinion on a child, parent and Russian ballet teacher they don’t know.

That op asked for. Big difference.

Yes but I didn’t realise we all had to have the same one as you! The op asked, I gave MY opinion. Just as valid as yours.

I spent some time working with children in Russia in my 20s. It's such a different culture. They made them rehearse gymnastics and dance performances until they were perfect. Much higher standard than we would expect of similar age children in the UK. There was no, "aww, little kids, aren't they cute"; it was all taken extremely seriously. If that's what you want for your five year old, go for it. Surely it's the perfect age to try a range of things and discover what you enjoy?

@Whatifthehokeycokey Its the opposite of what I want for her tbh

I agree with this.

Different people hold different opinions on parenting, on discipline, on methods of learning, and many other things.

Ballet is known for discipline, and being strict around what they wear and how they are expected to do their hair, and even what they call the teacher.

It's not for me, so I never took any of my dc there, but there are an awful lot of parents who choose to send their dc to such classes and choose to bring up their children with similar discipline.
Just because it isn't for you, doesn't mean that the teacher is judging your parenting, she is offering her opinion.

I did ballet when I was 4. I have distinct memories of hating it and my mother didn’t make me go back after a few lessons. My sister, on the other hand, adored it and carried on for years. Don’t make her do something she doesn’t enjoy.

@MsFaversham I didn’t, I took her out when she said

I missed that, I’m sorry. Good for you. Your parenting sounds perfect to me.

Ballet teachers are psychotic IME. My DD started ballet aged 3 and for 4 years she excelled, she was always at the front in performances, always got distinction in her exams etc. it she spent a good year begging me to let her quit. She hated it. I made her stick it out because I honestly just thought she couldn’t be arsed getting up so early on a Saturday morning but I could see she wasn’t enjoying it at all so quit when she turned 7. I also think when dancers are older they don’t promote a very healthy lifestyle.

I ended up having to tell her ballet teacher that if she continued to call email and text me insisting DD comes back I would have to call 101 and ask them if this constituted harrasment. It was relentless for weeks and she really guilt tripped me!

I love ballet, went right through the grades and still take classes however this sort of thing is rife.
Some schools are only interested in the naturally talented pupils and leave the rest just standing at the back. The teacher will not tell you that your child hasn't got much talent and will carry on taking your money and being a little mean until you clock on. My DD was out of there as quick as a flash, despite me dancing there for years once I realised she was being treated poorly due to lack of talent. No child deserves such 'discipline', or being ignored in the name of fun. It is a local dancing school not the Bolshoi Ballet.

I too got a snotty message from the school and requests to pay random fees. I can assure you that the teacher isn't judging your parenting, they are only interested in the best dancers and as you DD isn't one according to this particular teacher I'd find a kinder school or go back to gym.

Oh sorry maybe I was unclear! I was referring to the dance teachers opinion, not yours.

I would just respond and say , cheers,thanks. And leave it there.

As an adult I feel entitled to try out a new hobby and if I don't enjoy it, stop going. I wouldn't force myself to continue doing something I didn't enjoy so why force a child? Actually it's a good lesson to be able to say "actually this activity/hobby/relationship isn't for me" even if it's going to disapoint someone.