Gym membership causing arguments

[polkadot24]

As above really!

Husband gets to go 3x per week whenever he fancies. I'm stuck to everyone else's schedules and cannot go during work time or early morning. I cannot go most evenings due to his work. I feel it is unfair and he takes it for granted that I'm here for the kids whilst he swans about doing what he wants. He doesn't get it, and thinks I'm being unfair to say that if I cannot go then he shouldn't get the privilege either. Maybe I am unfair, I'm just sick of men 🤣🤦‍♀️

I don't have time around kids' activities in the evening to go out to the gym (kids are 5, 13 and 17). We are rural so everything is a long drive. I joined Joe Wicks and do weights and workouts from my lounge. It works for keeping fit and strong. I tried to join a gym (which is actually attached to my work) but getting home for the little one off the bus didn't work with those timings. My husband plays football at his work and is much more flexible with his timings. He's often away at weekends too. I decided to suck it up and find an alternative so I can meet my fitness goals. He's joined the Joe Wicks app too. Good luck with the juggle x

In this situation the "answer" should never be for the woman to set up her exercise routine at home, working around her other commitments, because inevitably she will end up answering the kid's questions, finding stuff for them, answering the phone/doorbell/whatever.

Her free time should be ring fenced the way that his is.

If the H gets to do 3 hour long work out sessions outside of the home, uninterrupted, child free and return to a clean home and children that are fed and entertained, then the OP should be able to do exactly the same thing; that is fair and equal.

He should be encouraging you to take that time by offering to get up at the weekend and look after the kids he's barely seen all week. Anything else makes for a shitty husband and father.

Pay for childcare. That removes his power. Any more nonsense suggest 50/50 childcare see if he gets the hint.

He’s a selfish prick.

Go on the weekends, both days. If he's neglecting them then and they need looking after he needs a talking to about that but don't let it stop you going. Mine just watch TV on weekend mornings til we get up though. And go whenever he is home on an evening and not working.

Well if he goes 3 times a week there are 4 other days, couldn't you go then?

when I was in this position, I used to go running at 6am - can you do that? And yes, as other posters have said, you just need to go to the gym at weekends, your H can do breakfasts and the rest.

I use a gym with kids clubs and a creche. We can work out at the same time because of this 👌🏻

This is also what we do. We work out between us so we can both go.

I'd get a babysitter a couple of evenings a week, then do some online stuff as well.

Hes not out of bed

Tough.

This is on him, and you just need to be strict. I'm off to the gym now .... kids have had thier breakfast / whatever and just go.

It will be difficult initually but stick to your guns. Im sure he works hard but you're not unreasonable in expecting some time to yourself.

Just go when he’s being lazy on the weekends and don’t come back until well after lunch both days. The git will have to feed the kids if they get hungry enough

Yep, i'd get a babysitter and he can pay.

I play a sport twice a week, it's essential to my mental health I have this time and exercise. If my DH can't be home in time (I wfh) then he knows I will book a sitter and it comes out the joint account. You are both entitled to your time out.

Is there a swimming baths at the gym so kids could have swimming lessons while you alternate, the gym sessions or go swimming with kids, involve them in the exercise somehow. It may work, it may not!

Sit down & work out times when he's in etc so you can go. You must communicate otherwise your resent him & that ain't good but you both need your me time. Hope it gets sorted

I'm wondering whether to find a babysitter and he can pay for it

Yes. Or, have two half days where you're not looking after any children. Meaning, that you're not childminding, and your kids are with another childminder. You need to create some free time for yourself.

My partner isn't working, but the kids still go to a childminder and nursery.

You’re unfair to say he can’t go because you can’t

instead you need agree when you get to go (weekend mornings), and he’ll have to get up with the kids.

How close are you to the gym?

The first class in my small gym is at 5.40am and over at 6.30am.

Maybe too early or not leaving enough time for you to get home for your mindee, but most of the gym in my area are open early and don't close until 10/11pm

Surely there has to be a way.

This is where you went wrong in your life. He is not a good partner. If you don't get that then there's no point in explaining it to you. Btw your kids are old enough to make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal or have some fruit. My ds is 7 and can do all of the above. For 2 hours no one will starve.

Unfortunately there's women who will just not and ever see it this way.

I’ve been in plenty of relationships where the woman is a selfish cow too - they come in all flavours.

OP, you don’t have a man problem - you have a DP problem. My wife and I (like many couples) schedule together and make sure we can fit each other’s respective activities into our plans.
Sometimes I miss stuff, sometimes she misses stuff - but overall we meet in the middle somewhere.

Modern life is so hectic that fitting everything in is a nightmare and you both need to compromise when planning.

Really?
Pick your battles. See how it goes.

of course YANBU! Why is your leisure less important than his?

It's unreasonable and childish to expect him to stop going if you can't go. However it is reasonable to expect him to be fully present with your kids on a regular basis, being around is not the same as being fully present. However you need to approach it in a way that validates his stress and emotion, else you will both get into a defensive cycle. I highly recommend the book "hold me tight"