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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How close are you to your siblings?

105 replies

Lifesprettyweird · 07/04/2024 21:01

I live abroad and see my sister once a year or two and haven’t seen my brother for a few years. When we see each other, we get on but I sometimes feel awkward, it feels sad
Am I the only one?

OP posts:
Rainbow1901 · 07/04/2024 23:12

Not close to any of my siblings since my mum died really and that was 30 odd years ago. Mum was the kingpin that kept everyone up to date with everyone else.
Was never close to my brother as he used to bully and thump me as a kid - don't need that in my life. I might love him because he's my brother but I don't particularly like him.

In the intervening time, the family has split further as one is married to a degenerate who has served time and made the choice to stay with him although we do see her, without him being around by agreement.
The other has just instigated yet another rift - originally to do with her wayward child - said child is now a narcissistic adult and still causing problems and I can't be bothered with it anymore.
So it's far better for my mental health to step back from this one - I actually have come to this conclusion after therapy (which I should have done years ago) but ill health intervened and let them back into my life. Although I miss them to a degree - we all live a few hours from each other so it's not a huge thing for me now - I'm not going to run into them unexpectedly in town!!

Nextdoor55 · 07/04/2024 23:17

I have one brother and have seen him once in 15 years, my DH has two brothers, one died just before christmas, he hadn't seen him for about 18 years, and his other brother he's not seen for the same amount of time, so we aren't close to our siblings, which is a shame. But in my situation, I don't think it is entirely my choice, I don't think my DB wants to be close, so its not likely to happen

lovinglaughingliving · 07/04/2024 23:17

Very close to my sister, she's my best friend and I think she'd say the say about me.

🥰

Nextdoor55 · 07/04/2024 23:19

Forgot to say, my own children (I have 3) two see one another and have some contact, the other one doesn't have anything to do with the other two, in fact he won't have anything to do with any of us , his choice but very sad

Wordsmithery · 07/04/2024 23:24

Dysfunctional family. Low to no contact with 2 of my 4 siblings (their choice not mine; their ASD doesn't help, I don't think).
Regular contact with other brother, and occasional contact with other sister but she's abroad so only see each other once every ten years or so.
Very sad that we're not all closer but this is the legacy of our childhood and I don't think we can fix it.

ManchesterLu · 07/04/2024 23:28

I only really see my brother when we all get together as a family, but we get on really well, we just both accept that we have busy lives, but at the same time we would be there for each other and drop everything if it was needed.

Sleepandchocolate2202 · 07/04/2024 23:29

I have two you get siblings, brother and a sister. We speak most days and see each other at least once a week. My relationship with both of them is different but both are good and close (in fact that’s why I want to have three kids).
I think it’s sad that not all siblings get along or get to enjoy a close relationship but it’s not always that easy. I didn’t get along very well with one of my siblings as a teen (cat and dog) now we are besties - that transition was sped along by the death of a close family member.

Thursa · 07/04/2024 23:32

Not at all. Most of my adult life has been spent living in a different country to my brothers. Last time I did live at home was for two years, I spoke to one of them if we met on the street, the other every couple of months. That was 11 years ago, no contact since I left.

karma3 · 07/04/2024 23:33

DB38 haven't seen him since childhood (family drama)
DB39 not close but know he's there if I need him
DS34 very close
DS 35 we are close

DS32 we talk every few months but can be close
'D'S 27 don't talk at all (she slept with my bf at the time and got pregnant, shit time of my life)
'D'B19 don't talk at all we didn't grow up together and just found we don't gel but don't have any bad blood
DS 22 we are very close and grew up in same household together

I am 27. All are half siblings altho I never say 'my half sister/brother' they're just my siblings if in conversation.

RM2013 · 07/04/2024 23:40

1 sibling 4 years younger than me. Lives 3hrs drive away and has done since age 17. We weren’t close growing up and not particularly close now. See each other once or twice a year when sibling comes to visit parents. We get on but don’t have much in common. It’s sad but that’s just the way it is

juice92 · 07/04/2024 23:41

I have 3 siblings - I see them all to varying degrees, one maybe once a month, another once every couple of months and the other probably three times a year. We have periods where we speak fairly regularly in a whatsapp group, followed by periods where the group stays silent for weeks.

I don't really text any of them one on one though and I wouldn't say we were close. We're alright I guess.

DH has a brother, who he sees only when forced, normally once a year. He does not like him one bit and would rather he didn't have to see him at all.

I know very few people with siblings who are actually close to them.

caringcarer · 07/04/2024 23:47

I've got 4 sisters. 2 sister lives overseas. Last week I went to the town in grew up in 200 miles from where I live now. My sister flew in from overseas. Another sister drove 100 miles to get there and 2 of my sisters still live in the town we all grew up in. It's the first time we've all been together for about 4 years. 4 of us meet up twice a year though and my younger sister sometimes comes to visit me if she's passing for work. Maybe twice a year. I visit my 2 sisters in my home town 2 or 3 times a year. We all get on well. As we get older I think we are all aware every time we all meet up we have a photo taken because it's in the back of our minds it might be the last time we are all together. I absolutely dread losing a sister. 1 of my sisters is 12 years older than me, another 10 and another 8 years.

NotaNorovirusFan · 07/04/2024 23:52

Not close at all, we had a very traumatic childhood which seemed to push us apart rather than bind us in any way. My older brother and I began to spend more time together in our 30s however he relapsed into heroin use and died of an overdose. My younger brother is an extremely low functioning alcoholic and despite everything that’s happened with other brother I still cannot find it in myself to work on my relationship with him even though I know he will likely die of his addiction too. He has put me through so much pain and misery over the years I just can’t involve myself in his life anymore.

Runnerinthenight · 08/04/2024 00:03

This thread is very sad! I have one brother and two sisters. Am as close to brother as possible - he has health issues and would probably be 'on the spectrum' nowadays, ring him every other day. Sister next in age to me has gone NC. We used to be very close but she is equally balanced, with chips on both shoulders. It's a shame because I don't know my DNs and she literally lives round the corner, but it's her choice. DB endured a deeply traumatic event and she didn't once call to see how he was, and I called her out on it. Her response was to go NC, and it's not the first time.

I am closest to my youngest sister, and there's a 9 year age gap. Our kids are close too. My mum was pretty close to her siblings but my dad wasn't, in terms of how often they saw each other but blood was still thicker than water.

My own kids, in their 20s, are close. My elder two really are each other's best friends, and are in daily contact. They go clothes shopping together with my youngest!

Most of my friends are close to their siblings.

AffIt · 08/04/2024 00:13

My sister is one of my best friends.

We message at least once or twice a day, speak a few times a week and regularly go out / holiday together. We've lived together as adults, too.

MariaLuna · 08/04/2024 00:22

I feel less and less connection with my sisters as time goes on.

They are very critical about everything and everybody and I just can't be bothered with it. Because of course they expect me to think like them.

The good thing is we all live in different countries.

MariaLuna · 08/04/2024 00:24

Late 60's/early 70's.

Get to that age and you really can't be fucked anymore. I accept our differences and have minimal contact.

theduchessofspork · 08/04/2024 00:25

My sister and I weren’t close as kids but now very much so in middle age. It’s been lovely to have the relationship slowly build.

livelovelough24 · 08/04/2024 00:46

I only have one sister and we live in the same city. We talk once week and we mostly meet every Saturday, so I would say very close yes.

LongLaneLove · 08/04/2024 01:38

One is my best friend, the other I have a mostly affectionate but distant relationship with.

We never speak on the phone. We all hate it, like good MNers Grin

leenteme · 08/04/2024 01:46

I'm nc with my 3 siblings. Nothing in common with any of them and no shared values. I saw no point in maintaining a meaningless relationship that I gained no benefit from.

GabbyO · 08/04/2024 02:00

My sister is a totally toxic Narcissist - I haven’t seen her in over a year and ideally would never have anything more to do with her as she has such a detrimental effect on my mental health - she makes me wish I’d never been born! Siblings can be a blessing, or in my case a curse.

AlpacalypseLlamaggedon · 08/04/2024 02:12

My sister is my favourite person. Don't see her in person as much as I would like, but we always go away for a weekend to celebrate our birthdays. I speak to her on the phone anything between 2-5 times a week, and we text in between. Probably meet up every couple of months but we live in different countries.

ZombieGirl86 · 08/04/2024 07:39

Ive not spoken to her in about 6 years. Shes selfish, doesnt work, blames her life on everyone else and is an alcholic.

I supported her for years but reached my limit

LoftyTurtle · 08/04/2024 07:42

One brother who lives abroad. I do wish we were a bit closer but we talk often and get along well, he's a good uncle to my DC (he's childfree by choice). It is nice having somewhere free to stay for an abroad holiday!