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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can a sensible 15 year old (year 10 and 15.6 months A*student) look after younger sibling 12 with Sen for 2 hours?

67 replies

WineLass · 07/04/2024 18:53

As stated, I have a 15 year old DC (A* student - the reason this is relevant as I think it shows how capable they are with decisions etc and in general to life)

DC2 12 has SEN but adores his DC. I normally work around school and child care and always there when school finishes but have been asked to attend an important meeting that only occurs 2/3 times a year. Normally I can get childcare but grandparents are poorly so my choices are to to say to work I can’t make it or to
leave DC 12 with DC15?

Part of me thinks well DC is 12 but well behaved and other DC will be 16 next so I’d more than capable of watching them for an hour or 2…. It’s not like they’re 7 and 3…..

I never leave them alone but think I’m OTT in general so why are your thoughts?

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 07/04/2024 18:55

Sounds completely fine to me.

loropianalover · 07/04/2024 18:56

It’s 2hrs OP… they probably won’t even look up from the TV or phones in that time. You’re massively overthinking it.

ErinAoife · 07/04/2024 18:56

Fine to me

FortyFacedFuckers · 07/04/2024 18:58

How does the 15 year old feel about it?

x2boys · 07/04/2024 18:58

Well I have left my severely autistic 14 year with his 17 year old brother for short periods since he was about 15 he coped despite not being a grade A student.

Candleabra · 07/04/2024 18:59

For 2 hours? Yes of course.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 18:59

Seems fine to me. Set some ground rules (eg no cooking, just in case it goes wrong) and make sure they know who to contact in an emergency.

pinkyredrose · 07/04/2024 19:00

As they're an A* student I should think they'll manage.

senua · 07/04/2024 19:01

Can you Zoom instead?
If the worst came to the worst, how long to get back home to the chaos.

Does DC1 want to do it?
Do a what-could-go-wrong 'risk assessment", have plans in place.
Do some trial runs (short time, gradually lengthening) to see if it works.

LizzieBananas · 07/04/2024 19:01

I’m mostly drawn to the fact you/another adult are always there for pickup.

Will the school release your son to another “child”? Some schools have policies on not releasing children to under 18’s but how they enforce this can vary. Is your son at a special school where they might have this policy or are they at the same school?

Would they then have to get themselves home in an unfamiliar route?

The actual “babysitting” will be fine though.

mynameiscalypso · 07/04/2024 19:01

I don't think being an A* student correlates to having common sense particularly but, that aside, yes, I would have thought it would be absolutely fine.

HVPRN · 07/04/2024 19:02

mynameiscalypso · 07/04/2024 19:01

I don't think being an A* student correlates to having common sense particularly but, that aside, yes, I would have thought it would be absolutely fine.

This :)

NoKnit · 07/04/2024 19:03

Is this just a one off or a regular weekly thing?

One off = fine
Regular = not quite sure it's fair on older child.

Also their grades at school have nothing to do with it. People who aren't academic are also good at making decisions same as smart people sometimes aren't. Your thinking there is a bit patronising to be honest.

Trickabrick · 07/04/2024 19:04

Your comments about their grades are ridiculous but otherwise, sounds fine to me.

PerfectTravelTote · 07/04/2024 19:05

Unreasonable to leave them or unreasonable to never leave them? The voting isn't clear.

I think you're ott to never leave them.

Candleabra · 07/04/2024 19:12

Sorry I misread and thought it was a year 10 and an A level student in charge. Not sure why the A stars are important in the title.
Should still be ok but depends how responsible the 15 year old is (grades don’t always correlate with this!)

iLovee · 07/04/2024 19:13

I don't see how their grades are relevant to looking after a child with SEN unless its in subject like Child Development?

Either way, if your eldest is happy to then it's fine!

Momstermunch · 07/04/2024 19:16

What is it about the 12 year olds SEN that might make it challenging for the 15 year old?

If nothing I'd say it's absolutely fine.

Dogball · 07/04/2024 19:17

How SEN are we talking? Complex medical/severe behavioural? Even so if they’ve grown up with each other it should be fine.
I leave my 12 year old with his D grade sibling quite often and they are absolutely fine.

Kalevala · 07/04/2024 19:18

Depends on the SEN, what possible behaviour prevents them from being left alone and could the 15 year old handle that? I was a teen with SEN babysitting a preschool aged sibling at 14/15.

LizzieSiddal · 07/04/2024 19:21

How far away are you and could the 15 yo phone you if they needed you to come home asap?

underscorer · 07/04/2024 19:21

Of course they can. There are 15 year olds who are parents to their own children.

Why are the grades relevant?!

NCFTS · 07/04/2024 19:23

Of course they can! Madness to think they couldn’t - no matter what grades they get in school!!

Mylobsterteapot · 07/04/2024 19:24

mynameiscalypso · 07/04/2024 19:01

I don't think being an A* student correlates to having common sense particularly but, that aside, yes, I would have thought it would be absolutely fine.

I think it does correlate, but in a negative way. I know some very clever teens, but some of them have the common sense of a teaspoon.

Rockfordpeach · 07/04/2024 19:25

It's fine, I left my seven year old with my 14 year old (not A* or anywhere near) for half an hour today