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Original poster

To think this friendship is over?

73 replies

lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 21:40

There is a girl I have been friends with (although I don't think we are anymore) for the last 20 years, we were close growing up and would say we were best friends.
I moved 45 mins away when I met my partner around 4 years ago. It was always me driving to see her, she never asked to come and see where I'd moved to and just didn't really show much interest in my new life at all.
I then moved a little further and am now 1 hour away. I have lived here for 3 years this year, she's never asked to come and see the house and has never made the effort to come and see me, it has always been me driving to see her.

I now have a little girl who has just turned 1. I really struggled becoming a mum in the early months, but she has never once asked how I am or how my little girl is to this day. She never asked to come and see her, or even asked when she could come and see her. She met her for the first time when she was 5 months old and that was me driving to meet up with her and not her coming to me. She has never seen her again since.
I know she had been going through some stuff and I made the effort to reach out to her and let her know I'm here for her if she wants to chat, but she never once did the same for me when I had my daughter. I have always been a good friend to her and been there for her, but it seems she can't do the same for me when the shoe is on the other foot.
The thing that really put the cherry on the cake for me, is she never wished my little girl a happy first birthday. This may seem trivial to some, but if she really saw herself as my friend let alone my "best" friend, she would surely wish her a happy birthday?
I am pretty sure the friendship is over and I don't know whether to remove her from my socials or just leave it. I am done being the one making all the effort and I'm not about to drag my little girl around to see someone who isn't bothered about seeing her.

OP posts:
Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 21:47

Well don’t see her then. But it is bloody annoying when friends or family choose to move away and then you are expected to keep doing the drives to see them because they have made the decision to leave.

You moved away, you then moved further away. Why has your problem then become her problem?

Lollypop701 · 06/04/2024 21:47

Just drop the rope… stop contacting her at all. See how long she takes to notice. If and when she contacts you… make a decision if you respond. If she doesn’t notice for 6 months then she deserves the same response time….

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 06/04/2024 21:51

Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 21:47

Well don’t see her then. But it is bloody annoying when friends or family choose to move away and then you are expected to keep doing the drives to see them because they have made the decision to leave.

You moved away, you then moved further away. Why has your problem then become her problem?

what a stretch... so what if op expects her friends to pop over once in a while. If you care about someone you make effort or if it's hard for said friend all she has to do is speak up.. she can say to the op, look you're a little far from me , can you come to me or can we meet in the middle. All it takes is a conversation. ITS NOT HARD!

Anxiouslump · 06/04/2024 21:51

Sounds like you’ve drifted apart.

It’s sad. I’ve had this happen with a couple of friends too.

No need to “end” the friendship. Just leave it be and emotionally let go of her, with no hard feelings, if you can.

You might find that you drift back into each other’s orbit in future and recommence the friendship. I always like not to close the door on people, metaphorically speaking.

But for now, move on.

Original poster
lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 21:54

Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 21:47

Well don’t see her then. But it is bloody annoying when friends or family choose to move away and then you are expected to keep doing the drives to see them because they have made the decision to leave.

You moved away, you then moved further away. Why has your problem then become her problem?

I never said I expected her to do all the driving to me.

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 06/04/2024 21:55

Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 21:47

Well don’t see her then. But it is bloody annoying when friends or family choose to move away and then you are expected to keep doing the drives to see them because they have made the decision to leave.

You moved away, you then moved further away. Why has your problem then become her problem?

That's silly.

Lots of people move around the country. If your a true friend then you put the effort in.

There are loads of people around who expect other people to make all the effort, friendships should be 2 way.
Leave her op, don't say anything and don't make any effort.
See if she contacts you.

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 06/04/2024 21:55

Op have you invited her to yours and she said no? What was her reason if so? As for not messaging on your little ones bday sometimes ppl forget but I understand why you're upset. I would be too but that could be a genuine mistake. How are things when you go to her? Have you tried speaking to her about any of these issues ?

Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 21:56

lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 21:54

I never said I expected her to do all the driving to me.

Show quote history

“It was always me driving to see her, she never asked to come and see where I'd moved to and just didn't really show much interest in my new life at all.
I then moved a little further and am now 1 hour away. I have lived here for 3 years this year, she's never asked to come and see the house and has never made the effort to come and see me, it has always been me driving to see her.”

…well what does that mean then???

Newgirls · 06/04/2024 21:58

Does she need to be a best friend? Why not just a friend who you prob have a bit less in common with now you’ve moved? No need to make a big deal out of it and definitely focus on making new friends where you live now.

Original poster
lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 21:58

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 06/04/2024 21:55

Op have you invited her to yours and she said no? What was her reason if so? As for not messaging on your little ones bday sometimes ppl forget but I understand why you're upset. I would be too but that could be a genuine mistake. How are things when you go to her? Have you tried speaking to her about any of these issues ?

I have invited her to come to me but she ends up suggesting we meet elsewhere so I just think she doesn't really want to come over. I agree and go to meet her as I have wanted to spend time with her.
As for my little girls birthday, I put posts up on socials that I know she had seen and she still said nothing. She didn't even acknowledge the posts.
I haven't spoken to her about these issues as it's been about 3 months now since we last spoke as I thought I'd leave it and see if she contacted me to meet up but nothing, and now I feel it's gone too far and it would be awkward now if I was to bring it up...

OP posts:
PennyPickles60 · 06/04/2024 21:59

The friendship is over OP. It’s sad… but it’s time to move on and make new, better friendships. You have a whole new life ahead of you. Don’t look back 💐

Original poster
lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 22:00

@Hotdogity “It was always me driving to see her, she never asked to come and see where I'd moved to and just didn't really show much interest in my new life at all.
I then moved a little further and am now 1 hour away. I have lived here for 3 years this year, she's never asked to come and see the house and has never made the effort to come and see me, it has always been me driving to see her.”

…well what does that mean then???"

It means I've always been the one driving to see her, arranging to meet up, and she has never done so once!

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 22:00

PennyPickles60 · 06/04/2024 21:59

The friendship is over OP. It’s sad… but it’s time to move on and make new, better friendships. You have a whole new life ahead of you. Don’t look back 💐

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 22:01

lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 22:00

@Hotdogity “It was always me driving to see her, she never asked to come and see where I'd moved to and just didn't really show much interest in my new life at all.
I then moved a little further and am now 1 hour away. I have lived here for 3 years this year, she's never asked to come and see the house and has never made the effort to come and see me, it has always been me driving to see her.”

…well what does that mean then???"

It means I've always been the one driving to see her, arranging to meet up, and she has never done so once!

But you chose to move- she didn’t. Why should she do a 2 hour round trip because of your life choices?

Mary46 · 06/04/2024 22:02

Yes one sided friendships do fizzle out.. I find the same if you dont see them regularly. Its hard op agree

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/04/2024 22:02

It’s so tough @lovelyxbones but you’re right, the friendship is over. Don’t block or unfriend her, just let go and maybe mute her on SM. Consign her to the past. Who knows what her problem is but yes, the reality is she is no longer a friend. I’m sorry, it is painful, but you will move past it.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 06/04/2024 22:03

I dropped a mate when I was doing all the travel. Her dc were at school all day. I had a baby. Cherry for me was when we planned my hen do and she asked her ds to pick me up instead of her. House full of women and her adult ds. Wasn't quite as planned...

Original poster
lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 22:05

@Hotdogity It means I've always been the one driving to see her, arranging to meet up, and she has never done so once!

But you chose to move- she didn’t. Why should she do a 2 hour round trip because of your life choices?"

Because regardless of where I choose to move to, surely your real friends should still support that and want to maintain a relationship with you? I made the effort to do a 2 hour round trip to see her, why didn't she want to do the same for me?

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 22:07

Thank you everyone for your replies, it has definitely fizzled out. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being OTT about it all...

OP posts:
5128gap · 06/04/2024 22:23

Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 22:01

But you chose to move- she didn’t. Why should she do a 2 hour round trip because of your life choices?

Show quote history

Quite right too. If Hampton on the Widdle is good enough for you it should be good enough for them. No one asked them to go gallivanting off to foreign parts when they had everything they needed where they were. So if they think you're going traipsing down that bypass for an hour only to traipse back again, they've another think coming.

PlasticOno · 06/04/2024 22:28

lovelyxbones · 06/04/2024 22:07

Thank you everyone for your replies, it has definitely fizzled out. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being OTT about it all...

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable — she’s not bothered about seeing your house. Why not suggest somewhere in the middle? And honestly, wishing a baby a happy first birthday on social media would never occur to me.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 06/04/2024 22:34

Bin her. I bet when you do see her she never asks any questions about you.

BringMeSunshine8 · 06/04/2024 22:35

I'm in a very similar position.

I recently reached out for the last time and just said I'd love to meet up, give me a shout when you're free. (Having not heard from her in 6 months)

In my heart, I know she never will, so as sad as it is, I know the friendship is over. You can't force these things.

PassingStranger · 07/04/2024 11:42

Hotdogity · 06/04/2024 22:01

But you chose to move- she didn’t. Why should she do a 2 hour round trip because of your life choices?

Show quote history

Because that's what a good friend would do.

People move all the time. Weird response.

Horticultured · 07/04/2024 12:46

You are now at different life stages.

I'm just thinking about it from the other side, do you talk to her about anything other than the baby? I've had similar happen to me and it gets boring very quickly.