To not do anything for unwell husband

[Pitapata]

Husband has been poorly for some time. Very chesty, lots of horrible coloured phlegm, complaining of chest & rib pain along with breathlessness.

I have been doing absolutely everything house, kids, work etc.. whilst he's been unwell.

I finally managed to convince him to go and see the GP who told him she thinks he needs to go to the hospital he refused to do so and so she prescribed him some ABs in the meantime.

This was days ago, the ABs are yet to make any difference, unsurprisingly as GP thought he needed hospital but he is still saying no way to going and waiting hours and hours in an A&E.

Aibu to say that if he refuses to go to hospital as recommended by his doctor that's the end of my sympathy and ill be doing nothing else for him now whilst he lies in bed.

Oh dear. I really do empathise with you. People who are sick and ignoring advice are stupid and selfish. However he may be worried that he's really ill, going to be told off for exacerbating the problem by weight, smoking, alcohol or other.
Of course you don't want to help. You've got your job, the kids, the house and a moaning non contributing partner.
As previous posters have said. Sit him down and talk about banking, insurance, wills and ask if he cares about his kids. Because subjecting them to his illness and lack of concern for others is not how you wish your children to be bought up.
Make arrangements for the kids and call 111 and describe the symptoms whilst he's there and see what they say.
Good luck

He needs to go to A&E.

If he was a single man with no wife or children, I'd say he can do what he likes, but he's risking leaving you a widow and his children without a father.

I would sit him down and tell him that.

I worry for the people who think this isn't an emergency with his symptoms... However I was sent to hosp by a GP with similar symptoms and she referred me and I was wheeled straight in as soon as I was checked in. Perhaps call them back tomorrow and see if they'd do that.

He's very likely got pneumonia and needs a chest X-ray and IV antibiotics and quite possibly oxygen.

You don't have to sit and wait in A&E for a chest x ray!

The doctor refers you for one, and you go to the imaging department where there might be a short wait, but it's not a&e. My dad has been referred for chest x rays by the gp several times, as recently as last week.

100% I unknowingly had meningitis for about a week and when I finally got to hospital it was septic and I realise how bloody lucky I was.

That’s not A&E then. That’s referred for a CNN say x-ray, which can be same day with a little wait in the department.

It doesn’t sound like he knows what he was told to do or how it works. Go back to the GP with him.

But he is saying that he’ll have to sit and wait hours because the doc just told him to go to A&E.
And that is not what has happened. They call ahead and he’ll be taken through. Guy is just an idiot saying it’s an A&E wait etc.

GP probably thinking pneumonia……

It's too risky to wait until Monday.

He needs to be seen tonight.

You can’t help people who refuse to help themselves.

OP is nearly on her knees too, where’s the sympathy for her?

OP - he has to go. My dad was literally just in hospital with a horrific lung infection & he's very very VERY lucky he didn't end up with sepsis - it was close. He only went cos my mum essentially forced him, else he'd likely have stayed home & would probably just died on the sofa. I shit you not.

Has DH got a temp? Do you have an oximeter?

Gah, eitherway, get the kids to someone & put your foot down. He has a responsibility to his children & to you.

If the GP says go he needs to go. Chances are she wanted him assessed and bloods etc to organise correct treatment. We have a same day assessment unit that does this but a& e can too. Make.him go and point out of he deteriorated he will be in for much longer with a.much rougher ride. Does he want to be in 10 plus days or just a day vist with a bit of waiting?

What you just wrote is silly. If you are breathless and getting worse instead of getting hospital is the place for you. The gp cannot not fix breathless symptoms, this man could have respiratory failure which is serious which may be why gp told him to go.

Op ring 111 they will speak to your hubby and tell him what to do. Or go to a and e if gp said he needs to go then that's a sign he needs urgent attention especially as he has not improved .

What happened to ' in sickness and in health?'

You are being unkind. You need to try and get him to the hospital by any means.

It’s in ‘sickness and in health’, not ‘in stubbornness and stupidity’.

Stop making women responsible for men.

I don't mean to sound alarmist, but I know a man who was very unwell but reluctant to do anything about it. A cold turned into sepsis and he nearly died. He was in hospital for 6 months and had multiple limbs amputated.

A person, especially when a parent, has a responsibility to look after their health for the sake of their loved ones. If your DH has been told to go to hospital and AB's are not helping, I'd literally drag him out of the house.

Sounds like pneumonia. I hope you manage to persuade him.

Please, please, please try and persuade your DH to go to hospital - there are enough of us here who have told about the awful outcomes of partners/men who haven't
I'd do anything to have my baby brother back again, so we could argue about Leeds United vs Arsenal.

I currently have pneumonia (started with chest infection) and have truly never felt so ropey. Luckily my oxygen was just about high enough that I didn't get sent to hospital. I'm on strong antibiotics and starting to improve. Please get him seen before the infection spreads/turns septic! He doesn't want to mess with this.

I was referred to hospital for an X-ray by GP. I called, was given an appt later that day. Went, had it done and got the result straight away. He’s possibly got the wrong end of the stick. I didn’t go near A&E!

Mumsnet bingo!!

If a GP advised it, then its appropriate

If going for an x ray requested by Gp it can be booked for a set time. Mine has been,

When mine was poorly and wouldn't do a thing I just said you're a father and husband with responsibilities and you are being selfish by not being checked out. If that didn't work with yours I would be asking him where his will etc are just in case. You'll know if he's genuinely scared of being mortally ill but tbh if he does think he might be he is being even more selfish by not doing anything.

I would tell him one more time that he has to go in, ime Sunday morning isn't too awful at hospital, and then after that I'd leave the room every time he coughed, complained etc. but I would try once more to be persuasive as I'm assuming you don't want him dead.

Good luck.

He has a terrible chest infection so is there any chance he is delirious? Because this does not necessarily present as hallucinations, shouting and everything that people expect ( florid delirium). The person can become very withdrawn, while still experiencing awful fear and distress- and obviously, not cognitively normal. The fact that he can’t remember what the GP said is a bit worrying. Can you call 111 and give them the story, have them speak to him