Why can’t they spell my son’s name correctly

[Itstakeawaynight]

Our son is 26. The shortened version of his name, which is the only version we’ve ever used since the day he was born has three letters. The female version has two letters.

My sister in law, every single time, every birthday card, every present label is always spelt the female way, with two letters. It’s really pissed me off over the years, but she’s highly sensitive to criticism so I’ve never corrected her. She’s still just done it again on his birthday. Would I be unreasonable to say something.

Love this.
Well said

@Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy

🙏🙏 🙏 Start keeping a list of the ways it has been said & written!

Haha.. I know an Aoife. Constantly pronounced AY-OH-FEE.

but nicknames don't have a spelling.

My Grandma god bless her always wrote the male version of my name. I never did anything but chuckle.

Is it joe? I always wondered why its jo for a girl.

My daughters name can be shortened, either the first part or the 2nd part. We go with the first. However that is a name in its own right, but spelt differently. My gran 9 times out of ten will spell it wrong. Shes even been known to use both spellings in the same text msg to me 🤣

I voted YABU because you have never corrected her. How is she supposed to know?

If you had politely told her the correct spelling every time that your son received a card or present with the incorrect spelling, then I'd have voted YANBU

Genuinely couldn’t get worked up about this.

My mum family in Ireland always spelt my name phonetically. I don’t give a shit. I was appreciative they sent a card.

How lovely she's still sending him birthday cards (presents?) at 26. I hope he sends a nice thank you.

Is she Scottish? Maybe she's just using 'Jo' as a lovely (unisex) term of affection, and not meaning it to be short for Joseph or Joanne at all!

I think they do if you (the name-bearer) choose to spell them a certain way, when they're used to address or refer to you.

I have a friend called Olly (obviously short for Oliver, but only his parents call him that!), but everybody else I know spells it 'Ollie' in WhatsApp groups. I'm no amazing clairvoyant name expert; I just asked him how he spells it when I first met him.

What does it matter? You've left it a bit late, and anyway surely it's more important that she has given him all these gifts rather than how she spells his name on the card.

Jo/Joe is not a nickname for Joseph, it is a diminutive.

A nickname is something like Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff.

Let it Jo/e

You would not be unreasonable to say something. In fact, it would be my mission to spell and pronounce her name wrongly EVERY DAMN TIME: see how SHE likes it! Passive aggressive to the extreme but it works because I’ve done it 😇

If your son is 26, he should say something if it bothers him. In any case, I know a Jose (pronounced Joe’s, not Hozay), and a Jonah, who both go by Jo. Let it go, OP.

I think a lot of PPs are being a bit harsh here. Some of the comments criticise OP for never correcting SIL but presumably OP has sent numerous cards, messages etc to SIL with DS's correctly spelled name in that might be a good clue for SIL!

I've an aunt who spells my name wrong 37 years later too. Yep, it's annoying. No, I've never corrected her. She's seen my name written down plenty of times for her to work out the correct spelling. It doesn't really affect my relationship with her but I do see it as a bit careless on her part.

Your SIL still sends birthday cards to your adult son? How lovely! She sounds a great aunt. So what about the spelling!!

Not sure that is very common.

I ALWAYS got my dil's name wrong-I have a best friend with the same name spelled the other way (a very simple 3 letter name). I would have over a present or press "send" on a message and think "shit, did I do it again?" This year I bought her a particularly lovely monogrammed present (which I knew she wanted!) but checked with ds about 10 times before I ordered it! I am determined to get it right from now on.

Isn't Jo the aspirational spelling? Has she got Hyacinth tendencies?

I think I am the female version of that name and they never get mine right either. Always add the last letter to make it male. Drives me nuts.

its a nick name

I kind of get it. My kids have Irish names and I'm always really touched if someone makes the effort to spell them correctly. I'm quite accepting of misspellings and mispronunciations but maybe if they were called Joe I wouldn't be.

Anyway you can't correct her after 26 years, the ship has sailed.

I have relatives who spell my DS’s name wrong. I just ignore it now as they were told. It’s just rude.
But then my FIL always said my DD’s name wrong as he didn’t think we should have had another child 🙄

He’s 26, that ship has sailed.