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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women would be annoyed by this

88 replies

Kaylasmum49 · 05/04/2024 19:36

My dp quite often talks about women he knows and has seen and tells me how beautiful or sexy they are. I feel annoyed when he does this as I think it’s unnecessary and he knows that I have issues with my self confidence. Is it just me being silly or is he being insensitive

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 05/04/2024 19:37

I wouldn't like it.

VanLife33 · 05/04/2024 19:37

Me neither

StephanieSuperpowers · 05/04/2024 19:38

I mean, what's his purpose in telling you this?

Desecratedcoconut · 05/04/2024 19:41

I wouldn't tolerate that. What does he think that he's achieving by doing this? Has he always been a negging twat?

Thunderinsummer · 05/04/2024 19:42

Definitely insensitive And quite frankly if he knows how you feel unkind.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/04/2024 19:43

Sounds like a complete prick. Start saying how youve seen some hot guys

Linedbook · 05/04/2024 19:45

I think it depends what he's like in the rest of your relationship. I don't mind when DH says someone looks lovely, but our relationship has never been based on how I look, he tells me often what he gets from our relationship. We both appreciate beauty when we see it

MrKDilkington · 05/04/2024 19:46

Ignoring your question slightly, this is just plain odd behaviour from you DP. How does this even come up in conversation? Can you share an example?

MillshakePickle · 05/04/2024 19:46

What's quite often? I don't think it's unusual to notice attractive people. Both H and I comment on whether we've seen someone who's exceptionally attractive. Both male and female. Nothing sexual about it, just general admiration. We also mention if we met people who were kind, rude, funny etc

If he's making comparisons, or it's making you feel devalued. Then it's definitely a problem.

Have you tired speaking to him about it? Let him know how it makes ot you feel?

Hippomumma2 · 05/04/2024 19:47

Tell him a new hot guy has started working in your office and he is sooooooo cute…. See if he likes this.

Original poster
Kaylasmum49 · 05/04/2024 19:52

Today he was in a shop and he was talking in general about some of the people that were there, a couple in particular and that the man was very quiet but the woman was chatty and very sexy. I don’t have a problem with him telling me that someone was beautiful but when he says they were sexy it upsets me

OP posts:
Churchview · 05/04/2024 19:56

He's either insensitive or he is doing it on purpose for some reason. It's not a very nice thing to do and I wouldn't like it. I don't think it's a case of 'most women would be annoyed by this', I think most men wouldn't like their partner saying other men are sexy.

mycatsanutter · 05/04/2024 19:57

It's disrespectful of him to tell you he finds another woman sexy it's like he's trying to irritate you or make you feel crap why would he want to do that ?

Growlybear83 · 05/04/2024 19:57

That sort of thing doesn't bother me in the slightest. Of course my husband will find other women attractive, and I find other men attractive, but we're married and made a commitment to be faithful to each other. So long as neither of us has ever been unfaithful in any way then I don't have a problem in my husband appreciating another good looking woman.

DetOliviaBenson · 05/04/2024 19:58

It's disrespectful and he sounds like a lech.

RobertaFirmino · 05/04/2024 19:58

'Oh, she's sexy is she? Well fuck off back to her then!'

RosaBaby2 · 05/04/2024 19:59

The guy's an idiot.

KeepingItUnderTheRadar · 05/04/2024 19:59

It's not normal op.

It's odd and disrespectful. He's either as thick as mince with the emotional maturity of a dead frog or he's trying to push your buttons and wind you up.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/04/2024 20:00

It sounds like he's deliberately trying to make you insecure. I had an ex who used to do this. He was a prick.

xyz111 · 05/04/2024 20:00

It's very strange. I'd be giving him a taste of his own medicine about all the handsome men out there!!

LimoncelloSpritz · 05/04/2024 20:00

My dh is allowed to fancy Kylie. We joke about it as she's the same age as me. If he did this repeatedly about multiple women, he could fuck off.

DetOliviaBenson · 05/04/2024 20:00

Growlybear83 · 05/04/2024 19:57

That sort of thing doesn't bother me in the slightest. Of course my husband will find other women attractive, and I find other men attractive, but we're married and made a commitment to be faithful to each other. So long as neither of us has ever been unfaithful in any way then I don't have a problem in my husband appreciating another good looking woman.

Neither do I! Nor does it bother me when he comments on famous people, I do it too. But there's a way to do it. We don't bother telling each other every time we've noticed a person of the opposite sex who is attractive! We certainly wouldn't be commenting on how sexy a person on the street is! It's called tact!

KidsandKindness · 05/04/2024 20:01

I think telling your wife, girlfriend or partner that you think another woman look's sexy, is definitely asking for trouble, even if he thinks it, he should surely have the brains to realise how uncomfortable that would make you feel, especially if you're not very confident.

I would be up front with him and tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable about him saying things like that, as it makes you feel as if he wants to go to bed with them, or whatever, and if he doesn't stop doing it, your relationship will be over. Then be true to your word, as if you've told a man how something he does makes you feel unhappy, and he continues to do it, it's clear that he doesn't care about your feelings, and is therefore unworthy of your time or love.

NecessaryNC24 · 05/04/2024 20:01

I wonder how he would feel if you started commenting things like "that guy's so fit" or pointed out a broader-shouldered, taller guy and commenting on it?

If he would be fine with that then fair play - but I doubt it.

KeepingItUnderTheRadar · 05/04/2024 20:01

So long as neither of us has ever been unfaithful in any way then I don't have a problem in my husband appreciating another good looking woman

Neither do I. Only a fool would think their significant other never notices another attractive woman.

Coming home and telling me about all the 'sexy' women he's encountered that day is another matter though. Boak.