Feel ashamed of my house

[Wantitnicearoundme]

Like the actual house itself, it’s in a lovely area, good size, gardens etc…it just needs so much doing to it. Last painted everywhere inside during covid, but desperately needs doing again, walls seems dirty. Garden ok when Dh does it, but our large tree needs cutting right back (tree person did it in the past)
We’ve not had new furniture since we moved in 14 years ago. There’s just so much that needs doing.
Last summer I saved up to do the outside area and made it quite nice, but feel like I’m forever tidying and DD’s things make it a mess.
I can’t afford to do it all, alongside Dds birthday, party, clubs, clothes, any short breaks etc. Even though we earn ok.
I’m embarrassed to invite anyone over.
Where do I start

Go onto Instagram and follow Orjenise. She's really sensible and realistic and will give you achievable goals. She's not stealthily trying to sell you discounted cleaning products either.

I feel your pain. We moved 4 years ago to a lovely village but we massively compromised on internal and external storage. My husband still hasn’t bothered to sort out his crap, which fills the kitchen and one of the reception rooms. Unfortunately, you have to walk through said reception room to get to all of the other rooms downstairs. My poor DS can’t have friends over to play because the house is a fucking disgrace. There’s always some excuse for my husband not to sort it out.

How much do you spend on your holidays? Give one of them up and spend money on your house? It's cheap to repaint.

I would start by changing your attitude. People don't care about the state of your house. They come to see you. Children care even less so no need to avoid inviting your kid's friends over. Furniture doesn't need replacing after 14 years - this seems like an instagram-related issue.
I am only just getting quotes for replacing a kitchen from 1989. We have people over all the time and nobody mentioned our outdated kitchen yet, I just feel like it is at odds with the rest of the house. However, I am only doing it because I can afford it right now and if I couldn't, I would quite happily live with it for 5-10 more years. It's in perfect condition, just very dated.
Have people over, nobody cares.

List jobs in priority order.
Work out what you can do yourself then put aside time in the calendar.
Work out which jobs need a tradesman in and price up and start saving.
We decorate one room a year (January because not much happens then).

start off in the bedrooms and be ruthless.

if it doesn’t fit, if it’s broken or just not you anymore, either bin, charity or eBay.

i always think hallways/stairs make a place look more untidy than it actually is, so look at the walls and flooring on that at the beginning too.

once that’s done enjoy it, then do dining room, living room leaving kitchen til last.

if you have little cupboards under the stairs, paint them up and put shelves in, and the downstairs loo will be very quick and easy to do too.

No offence but I've seen people do up their place and its trashed within days, months or soon after

We have white walls everywhere bar kitchen and bathrooms - with dark mahagony flooring, looks great, oain is years old and some people that come to give quotes etc think its only a few years old just like the kitchen

need to look after it, tidy up.

As another FM stated, pain is cheap as is a roller - but be aware if you pain a room, if you have older carpets/furniture, it will look older

As I said we have white and wood almost everywhere - 4 seater sofas x 3, large tives, and a few items and those blueshi grey floor to ceiling wardrobes - hardly a pics on wall few massive mirrors - less is more - add large, floor to ceiling windows really adds to any place especially if not overlooked as no blinds etc needed, de don't even close the curtains inn the nighttime as we are not overseen in lounge etc

look our for sales on engineered flooring, darker type, 3 for 4 etc - relatively cheap to do up a room is budget/time is limited.

You could always declutter, if there is clutter, everything looks better when there's less of it. Then it's easier to paint and clean as well.

Paint is cheap (ish) and transformative. Honestly, start in a small space and give it a go.

Second hand furniture - I furnished a lot of our house with Face book bargains. We live in a place where people often move here for work for a couple of years and often can't take furniture with them when they go. Some nice things.

Interest free credit for sofas.

If time is a problem - it is for me because I'd rather be out walking the dog than decorating - you'll have to be a bit disciplined. But think how nice it will be when done.

And @Catza makes some very good points. They want to see you.

Who is going to see it ? It's up to you who you let in and quite frankly if they are going to judge you by the contents of your house then that's on them.

How can it need decorating if it was one during covid? That's not long ago. I don't decorate that frequently. Or is it kids/pets messing it up.

@FrenchandSaunders Walls just look dirty/untidy, some drawing from when Dd was little, not sure how to explain it, just looks not nice and needs doing. I think the main thing is that it needs painting, I’ll start there

Could you clean the walls, rather than repaint?
People always recommend sugar soap, although I've never tried it.

I bet you could clean some of the dirt off the walls. We had a massive clean up last year for estate agents photos and it was just hard graft that made the difference. Cleaned all the skirting boards, edged the lawn, cleaned the decking, cleaned the window frames, made it look really lovely. I think day to day with kids it can be hard work to keep it looking lovely.

How’s your storage? Having everything put away makes a world of difference. Then a lick of paint.
Do one room at a time. Do you need to replace furniture? I don’t know what your budget is like but when I moved into my house I got living room furniture from Roseland than looks nice and has lasted well, and it wasn’t very expensive. Each time you buy a piece they give you a discount for the next piece, so I got 20% off most of it.
Alternatively look at marketplace.

Hairspray is good for pen marks. I have to say when my dc was little and drew on walls or sofas, I would sort it immediately. There’s no way I’d live with pen marks on the walls. She used a black permanent marker on white walls once. I Went out bought new paint and took three coats to cover it.

I would start by decluttering, it’s a good time of year to throw out / donate clothes. Just by taking out six jumpers that are too shabby / too small it’s freed up my chest of drawers.

Then pay the tree person to cut back the tree. Get on to your DH to mow the lawn. Throw out any of DD’s garden stuff that is grotty from the winter.

If you can’t stretch to new furniture, go and spend a few hundred quid in IKEA on new rugs, cushions, plants.

Can you just start putting all his stuff in the garden or something? Surely it can't be ok for him to just leave it and your DS not be able to even have a friend round?

Teens revising / away over Easter so I just blitzed. Got rid of crap in hall way got better storage painted skirting boards washed walls deep cleaned nooks and crannies and kitchen. Was exhausting but soo satisfying and you really notice

Agree with pp re walls you didn’t paint that long ago reckon the walls just need a good scrub

A flat mop is great for cleaning walls. makes a surprising amount of difference.

Give him a deadline and stick to it - do you drive and have access to a car? If so, tell him the whole lot will be off to the tip if it is not sorted out and decluttered.

Paint the rooms and then see what needs to be done. A throw and cushions can make all the difference. And declutter.
Also look for used stuff on Facebook so many people give nice furniture away.

Honestly, it will seem so much worse to you than everyone else.
I own a 300 year old house which is quirky (two staircases, stone floors, wonky doorways etc etc) and I seem to be constantly painting and fixing and plastering and so on. I can see tonnes to be done, but if I have guests they can never see the faults I see until I point them out. Frankly, nobody really cares or pays that much attention!
I'm fussy so stay on top of things generally, but I find making a list and working through it helps. Pick a job a day (or a couple if you have time) and tick it off. I weeded my garden today and planted a few new plants. Tomorrow I need to paint the feet on the bathtub upstairs. Get some magic sponges (miracle workers) and use those on the walls. Really help on hallway scuff marks. A declutter will make you feel so much better so I'd tackle that first. When painting I stick on a decent playlist or audio book and it really helps get me through! Good luck, get stuck in.

"whoops it walked out of the car and into the tip"

Four years, surely he must not know what's in those boxes now?

I think what you need is a set of fresh eyes. When you're a long time living in a place, you're overly emotional about what needs doing, and often can't see the wood for the trees. Do you have a friend/relative with a particularly good eye for interiors? You'd be amazed what could occur to you when you discuss ideas out loud with someone else - can really help you to forge a concrete plan of action. In my experience, it is more about being clever/considered than spending a lot. I have a relative whose house is incredible looking - she has bought absolutely nothing new ever - just has a really good eye, keeps constant watch of local buy and sell and freecycle groups, and enjoys upcycling by painting furniture etc. I run everything by her as she has an excellent grasp on space/light/colour. You just need to find the equivalent around you to bounce ideas off and begin to hatch a plan.

Hire a skip, get it all into it when he's not home, put a rain-proof cover on it and tell him he has X number of days until collection. That amount of junk in a living space is not fair to anyone else living there.