Feel ashamed of my house

[Wantitnicearoundme]

Like the actual house itself, it’s in a lovely area, good size, gardens etc…it just needs so much doing to it. Last painted everywhere inside during covid, but desperately needs doing again, walls seems dirty. Garden ok when Dh does it, but our large tree needs cutting right back (tree person did it in the past)
We’ve not had new furniture since we moved in 14 years ago. There’s just so much that needs doing.
Last summer I saved up to do the outside area and made it quite nice, but feel like I’m forever tidying and DD’s things make it a mess.
I can’t afford to do it all, alongside Dds birthday, party, clubs, clothes, any short breaks etc. Even though we earn ok.
I’m embarrassed to invite anyone over.
Where do I start

Get rid of it. If you can afford to hire a skip then do so. You can't have your house unusable because of his hoarding.

Honestly just keep doing little bits and you'll get there. You might need to sacrifice some things if you are struggling to find the money. We moved to a house in a village 18 months ago, last serious decoration was done about 10-25 years ago and some rooms they've whitewashed everything to sell it including every radiator, light fitting and switch 🙄. Almost everything I mean everything was painted in a dark oppressive grey. I remember sitting in the living room the once and feeling depressed but not actually being depressed because it felt like the walls were closing in because they were so dark. We've worked on each room one by one and now at the point that it's the really big jobs now that we are saving for i.e ensuite, bathroom, driveway, garden, every internal door and eventually kitchen. Literally as every room gets decorated or something storage is put up I can feel my shoulders dropping and its becoming easier and more like a home.

One room at a time would be my advise. small steps = big progress.

Was going to say precisely this!

1. invite people over and have fun and accept that visitors really won’t see the flaw you do. Do you notice all the flaws at your friends’? No. The point of life is to have fun and SHARE life - have people over

2. declutter an area/room every day/week - whenever you can

3. repainting is quite cheap but have you washed the walls? Can make a massive difference

Wash the walls (and doors if needed). I just use Cif. Works great.
Loads of good points on thread though disagree a bit with a pp who said start in the bedrooms. Target either a room you want to feel comfortable in or that you want to be 'presentable' so maybe lounge or kitchen and enjoy little bits of progress.
I hate throws but one can be useful to put over stained furniture when people come round (then put away again because they look scruffy after a few hours).

Thinking about stuff and doing stuff is far worse than actually doing it in my opinion. I am a champion at procrastinating so I know this!. I have been looking at my dds room for months and it was getting me down,, really making me miserable.Today I have started and in 2 hrs have cleaned out 20 bin liners of old toys and clothes. It has made such a huge difference to me mentally. I feel so good.I am now spurred on to sort this house out. I like this feeling and all it cost me was 3 packs of binliners!! Start somewhere OP anywhere and I hope you feel the same as I do today cos its brilliant! x

I feel your pain. I recently had school mums around and my house is a mess compared to theirs... peeling wallpaper in the playroom, tatty stairs carpets...
I just try and make sure its clean and presentable as possible. I also do little jobs as i go. My whole kitchen needs painting but last week i just did the chipped skirting boards as i didnt have the energy to freshen up the walls... little bits at a time....

Just bite the bullet and do a massive declutter. Move all the hoarded stuff you can’t simply chuck into garage or attic. If no space, box it up in removal boxes and stack the boxes somewhere annoying for dh eg right next to the Tv, behind sofa, on DH’s side of the bed, in front of “his” wardrobe space.

Wash the walls
Repaint one wall each weekend
Buy good quality paint and
Do at least two coats so that later you can easily repair damage to the walls (see below)

When you invite people over it will be clear you are redecorating

For future - get those sponge rubbers that will remove marks from walls. Godsend for a quick spruce up.

Next tips: declutter bathroom and buy a big deluxe leafy indoor plant (£15). It’s amazing how much like a zen spa it feels when you can’t see all the spare loo rolls, bottles of product and toothbrushes. These can be kept in cosmetic bags in bedrooms/ laundry cupboard.

Bathroom has been my easiest and most satisfying win so far!

Just enjoy your home - it doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s as long as you’re comfortable. Painting? Who cares - wait till kids are older and/or you actually have time to do anything.

If you do start, just do a room at a time.

What a weird attitude. 14 year old furniture isn't old!!! 3 or 4 years is not a long time ago to have repainted the whole house. How are things so grubby in just 3 years that the situation is "desperate"? I think its far more likely that your house is completely normal, and you just have a warped view of how other people live. What has lead you to think that your house is disgraceful unless it contains brand new furniture and freshly painted walls? Id guess that you need therapy more than you need to decorate your house.

I feel the same. We redecorated downstairs last summer but doors and door frames need sorting. I tried sanding to paint them, then tried paint stripper and they still aren’t in a state to be primed and painted. I’d replace if I could afford.

Sympathy from me. We have little storage so our pram goes under the stairs and juts out, our hallway is really narrow and always feels dingy even though it’s been painted a bright white and has a good light fitting. Shoes everywhere, the kids just kick them off and there’s no space anywhere for proper storage. The walls are covered in greasy handmarks and smears of food from the children which I’ve made worse trying to rub off.

DP has a fucking annoying obsession with not throwing things away properly. Food jars are rinsed and simply left on the kitchen windowsill. He keeps the empty cardboard boxes from everything - the iron, the baby bouncer etc - and they just live in random places around the house ‘because if we sell them on marketplace the box will come in handy’. It DRIVES ME MAD. He starts DIY and doesn’t finish it - we had a stepladder living in our bathroom for 6+ months, I regularly find nails and screws on windowsills which I go insane about because I worry they’ll roll off and the baby will pick them up.

Have a look at ‘A Slob comes Clean’ on YouTube. She declutters in a way that doesn’t create more mess.

I would start with rooms people would actually see. When people come round here for a cuppa we often stay in the kitchen diner so I prioritise keeping that that presentable. Or the lounge might make you feel better. I always feel so long as I have one space that's nice I can ignore the rest til I get to it.

Have you been spending a long time on Instagram or Pintrest, looking at rooms which have been just done, posed but not lived in yet? I think this is a you problem, rather than a house problem.

Painted during Covid is really recent by most standards, your furniture isn't very old and everybody last did their garden last summer as we've only just got rid of winter. Maybe go to real life houses more and get off line?

I bought a house myself in 2022 that hadn't been done up since the 1980s and have managed to do quite a lot to improve it, despite not being a dab hand at DIY (I am learning though!). I did pay for a new kitchen, which used up all my savings, but have done the rest myself. Painted everywhere. Ripped out all the horrible carpets and had wood laminate floors fitted in the living room, but the bathroom and some of the other rooms I've used cheap stick down lino floorboards (easy flooring) which I got off Amazon. It looks pretty good and it's really easy to do. Painted the mouldy bathroom tiles with waterproof paint and replaced the basin cheaply with one from Wickes and it looks nice in there now - will do until I've saved up enough to get the bathroom ripped out and a new one put in. Got a lot of things off Vinted/Facebook marketplace. Put some nice rugs and pictures in and jobs a good 'un.

I also bought a hedge trimmer and lawnmower and if you keep on top of that, the garden pretty much looks OK (tbh I do a lot of gardening but anyway).

I'd love loads of money to spend on everything I want doing to the house, but I don't have that - but there's still loads you can do on a budget.

Walls we painted during Covid still look fresh, the room that really needs redoing was last done 9 years ago, and is probably a year overdue. Trying to understand why yours need painting again already? Have you tried washing the walls to see if that freshens them up?

If you do repaint, I'd buy a different brand of paint - even if you painted everything in the first week of lockdown it would only be 4 years ago,

Decorators varnish is really good. We used the dead flat Matt polyvine one, lasts ages. You just paint a few coats over painted walls/wallpaper probably up to halfway up and everything wipes off really easily without affecting the colour. Having said that we've just moved and the place is chaos!

It's Spring, perfect time for decorating & decluttering! Even if (like me) you can only manage to paint one wall or mask off and cut in around windows and doors a little at a time you can easily finish a room in a week. I find Dunelm paint covers very well and comes in lovely shades. See if you can make a start this weekend OP and take photos before and after to gloat over! DIY is a great hobby to get into, you'll save tons of money, have a lovely home to enjoy and feel so much happier x

Lower your bar a bit?

I've lived in my home for nearly 30 years. For various reasons I have to focus my efforts/money on absolutely essential maintenance - fence, replacing rotten doors and windows, broken bathroom, leaking radiators etc.
I need to replace the whole boiler and heating system this year.

I hate the sodding Artex. I've raised two children here, there are little holes in walls, and door handles that don't work well. The carpets are tired and worn.

I can't let these things bother me. I don't have the money to replace them.
The house is clean and pretty tidy. I'm not at all embarrassed by it - quite the opposite, I am proud that I am able to support myself and raise 2 children alone. Actually, I do have the money, but I choose to spend it on holidays and nice stuff, and I could make the time but I don't enjoy DIY, preferring to spend my down time either with my son or doing my own things (mainly sport) and also supporting older family members.
As long as the house is secure and functional then I'd rather have memories of wonderful times than a lovely new carpet.

I agree with this

I have the same issue op. I lived with my gran and my mum til I was 13. My gran kept a tidy, lovely house. My mum did nothing. I spent my teenage years growing up in clutter and an unclean house. It's clouded my view now as a parent as I'm so worried about my kids growing up in a cluttered / messy house.

I try to gut a room a month. Clear things out, throw things away and give the room a good clean everywhere (including things like under furniture, skirting boards etc). Makes me feel like I'm keeping on top of it

Chuck the lot out, if he hasn't needed it in 4yrs he doesn't need it. He's got no right to take over living space like that

Hire a skip - put it all in there and say he has a week until they collect the skip to decide what he wants to keep. And whatever’s kept needs to fit neatly inside the existing storage in the house (I.e not moved to the bedroom floor or back in the hallway) otherwise you’ll put it back in the skip.

you can’t put your kids childhood on hold because your husband is lazy.

Thanks everyone, it’s not cluttered really (v messy cupboard under the stairs though! I can’t stand clutter, it’s neat and tidy, but I have to keep constantly on top of it with Dd. I think the painting is definitely bothering me and I do need a new rug, some nice cushions, photo frames, lamps etc etc

Do you think I could do all of downstairs-the lounge and hall in 5 days, from 9.30-2.30 each day?