To not know how I’m going to get through the day

[moreminieggsplease]

With my toddler. I was in tears by 8am. I really don’t know how to get through to bedtime without absolutely losing it.
every single thing he has done since he woke up has been to push a boundary and I get it, that’s what they do but it’s constant and I just can’t hack it today. If he’s not doing something he shouldn’t be doing, he’s having a huge fucking meltdown because he’s not doing it.
DH is at work all day, I don’t have any family or friends locally. None of the groups are on. It’s pissing it down. It’s always fucking pissing it down. Yes, we could go out in the rain and we do, otherwise we’d never leave the bloody house in the past 3 months but he currently only has one pair of shoes which are already wet (only started walking recently and has chunky feet so hard to find other shoes that fit). Won’t keep a pair of wellies on and he’s probably not ready to wear them yet if I’m honest. I’ll take him out in pushchair for a bit but he hates being in it too long now.

I just feel like I’m losing it today. And the realisation that it’s only 9am is basically awful. There are a lot of hours left in this day.

Toddlers can be little bastards op. Have you got a pets at home/pet shop nearby? Mine used to look at the fish and the small furry animals for ages.

i would also take him out for a run in his wellies. Take spare socks.

This is the worst age. My life was more or less total misery when my kids were this age.

And you know what? All I needed (apart from a trip out BY MYSELF) was for someone to acknowledge that this was hard, actually it was harder than most mothers have it, and not all toddlers are quite as difficult as this.

So I’ll say that to you.

Of course, it's hard. The toddler who made my life hell now cooks me dinner and makes me coffee. And gave me the most beautiful print for my birthday recently. You hang in there, OP! This too shall pass.

I like the idea of a den with cushions, sheets and the dining table chairs for him to hide in. Mine used to like that.

Oh I remember days like that 😫. And yes, it is much worse when it rains and yes, it has been raining forever.

I found indoor walks in shopping centres, train stations, the Barbican...anywhere we could just keep trundling around for hours without getting soaked or stopping, at which point the head melting behaviour would immediately reappear.

All I can say is that it doesn't go on forever and you sort of forget the worst of it after it has passed. Also if you have friends with similar age children to plod around with, that massively helps.

I remember those long days where you feel like you have been born, lived and died, all before 9 am in the morning! 😃 Toddler time can really drag so slowly. I really feel for you op.

Have you got, or can you acquire, a big cardboard box? Electrical appliance shops have them sometimes. Draw and cut out windows and doors. And decorate. And put cushions and toys inside. It should give you the odd twenty or thirty minute break.

Also, he sounds active, could you take him to mother and toddler swimming classes?

Have a hug. The toddler of mass destruction phase is exhausting. I used to put DS in his playpen whilst I sorted the kitchen in the mornings. Once he learned to climb out it was a total nightmare as he would make a beeline for anything that was noisy, dangerous or messy. I couldn't fathom what had happened to my perfect child who had chuckled happily whilst chewing duplo only weeks earlier.

The day he climbed out of the playpen and I climbed in it for some respite was a particular low point.

What helped us was being out and about; Swings, garden centres, duck feeding, indoor shopping centres in the rain. Basically, whatever kept him moving and active. It got better once his language improved and he could be entertained with cartoons.

Oh and I was never against staying in, watching TV, snuggling on the sofa, building dens, and all the other stuff people on Mumsnet recommend. But my son had no interest in that, if the TV was on he certainly never sat still to watch it, snuggling would last three seconds then turn to squirming, then flailing. The house would be destroyed to make a den and then he would be sick of that and on to the next thing in five minutes. We went out, every day, for as long as possible. That is how I retained my sanity (well that and going back to work and letting nursery do it all).

I’m glad you said this as I always wonder on threads like this. If I took all the sofa cushions off to jump on it would take about two minutes out of the day and then for six months or more Ds would be knocking them off the sofa!

More solidarity from here. Not much to offer with ideas, I genuinely look back in amazement that I made it through - but it's BRILLIANT when they get a bit older. Last push now really.

Water play, they liked bowls of water with bubbles (washing up liquid), straws, toys to float in it. Music on was essential for my own sanity but they also got quite the education! We went out onto the muddy fields and kicked a ball about for at least an hour every day - again, for my sanity!

Dancing. That was a brilliant one. I danced a lot with my boy on my hip, we found fun.

And when it was all too, too much (and especially when I had two of them under 5), Shirley Hughes stories were my lifeline. My never ending whirl of an energy machine would actually curl up for an Alfie story and I would calm myself by the end of the book and recognise her implicit meaning that, behind the picture book loveliness of raising toddlers is so much work but we're in it together and it does pass.

I see you got a plan for today but I second long morning baths and the library for other days. I found nature programs held my LO's attention longer than anything else at that age so we watched millions on the wet days. Or walk to the shops. Make cakes or biscuits before lunch, decorate them after lunch? Then he goes for a nap. Then at the end of the day if it's still felt impossible at least there is cake. This phase doesn't last forever, OP but it feels like it does while you're in it. Strong consistent boundaries for the throwing and things you don't accept, let the other stuff go (he's stuck? Then let him unstick hinself, even if he wails, he'll get there. Similarly dont fix the train every time, he will work it out!) You'll both get through it.

The day he climbed out of the playpen and I climbed in it for some respite was a particular low point.

I do feel for you. I remember it well. I, like you am also sick of rain!!!! I always used to find getting out easier and the days went much quicker. Would be fall asleep in the car? Sometimes I used to drive to somewhere a bit further away for a play or visit somewhere and then they'd fall asleep on the way home. Agree with others about soft play. Wil wear him out if nothing else. Hopefully the weather will improve soon which will give you more options.

You need to get out the house, even if it’s a local shopping centre and let them have a run around, or a local garden centre with animal? Both free options if you’ve got transport!

Our local garden centre has a soft play in it and it's got a little fence around it with a gate that only unlocks from the outside so they can't escape! It's right next to the cafe so you can sit and have a coffee in peace and watch them while they play. Is there anything like that near you, OP? My youngest also dropped his nap at 18months and wasn't remotely interested in TV so I feel your pain.

Shaving foam with a few drops of paint in kept my youngest entertained for ages the other day. As did a big bowl of water with ice cubes in
Soft play if you can but I personally find it hell on earth so I wouldn't blame you for avoiding it.
A film preferably with lots of songs. My kids really like Moana and Encanto for the music.
Bake some bread! It might turn out shit but they love kneading it.
Day time bath kills some time.

Hang in there. Toddlers are the worst sometimes.

Shopping centre - coffee out
Soft play
Cinema

I’ve just remembered riding the trams to the end, getting it to look at what we could see, then riding back again.

Some children need constant newness to look at. I reconciled myself with DS1 that it was a sign of his great intelligence (he is, though not without challenges). DS2 was really content and also very intelligent. It helped at the time, though!

During lockdown we rode the tram more times than I would like to remember!

My youngest was like that - the only thing he’d watch was Fireman Sam so I bought a DVD and watched it on repeat on those days when I couldn’t function 😩. He’s late teens now and the most active kid you could meet - and rarely watches tv! It’s pure survival in the toddler years - do what you can to get by 😬. Good luck!

Please please, don't judge yourself, I had super active toddler and honestly, I used to cry every single evening. I don't have any family in UK, just couple of friends. Husband used to work very long hours and we had very tight budget,so soft play was not an option.
We used to go outside every single morning, after breakfast,even in pouring rain. My son then was tired and I was able to cook some lunch, tidy up, while he was with tablet. After lunch - local library had some story readings. And then again, he used to be tired when we back and I was able to eat, take quick shower, etc.

Does he like trains OP?
When mine were little we’d sometimes drive to the nearest railway station and just watch the trains. Sometimes we’d go on a short journey. My most restful times were sitting on the train! I’d even get a cup of coffee.

One of our regular trips was to drive to station, get a train to the airport, watch the planes, watch the trains, come home 4 hours later!!

So many of us have been there. It's worse when it's raining. I used to break the day up into 30 minute chunks (or even 10 minute chunks!). Go for a walk. Maybe collect leaves, pebbles, etc to make something with later. Snack. Painting. TV. Lunch. Nap. Errands/ quick wander round the shops. And so on. There is always someone here to chat to, if you need some adult interaction.

One of mine would also play on her own for quite a while if I put her on a step stool, filled the sink with soapy water and gave her some plastic cups and containers to play with. She might have been 2 by then, and still had to be supervised, but at least I could make a cup of tea, put the dishes away, etc. You could do similar with a washing up bowl in an area that you don't mind getting wet, e.g. kitchen floor/ garden.

Solidarity Op, I’m exactly in the same boat. Have a 15 month old who started walking 2 months ago and will absolutely lose it if I’m not 100% focused on him at all times. I put him in his playpen for 5 min this morning to strip down the beds and he screamed so much, it was insane.

I'm reading this thread and getting flashbacks to those days.

Mine are thankfully18 & 24 now so way way in the distant past.
It was by far the hardest months/years.
It will not get any harder than this!!
All I could do somedays was to breathe and survive.
I just used to live day by day, hoping tomorrow would be better than today.
Don't forget that for every push back you get, they're learning something.
You will get through this.
One day you will realise that these years have created the most beautiful human you have ever met.
And it will have been ,in part ,created by these challenges and the love you've shown them.
Just breath and survive. For now that's enough