To not know how I’m going to get through the day

[moreminieggsplease]

With my toddler. I was in tears by 8am. I really don’t know how to get through to bedtime without absolutely losing it.
every single thing he has done since he woke up has been to push a boundary and I get it, that’s what they do but it’s constant and I just can’t hack it today. If he’s not doing something he shouldn’t be doing, he’s having a huge fucking meltdown because he’s not doing it.
DH is at work all day, I don’t have any family or friends locally. None of the groups are on. It’s pissing it down. It’s always fucking pissing it down. Yes, we could go out in the rain and we do, otherwise we’d never leave the bloody house in the past 3 months but he currently only has one pair of shoes which are already wet (only started walking recently and has chunky feet so hard to find other shoes that fit). Won’t keep a pair of wellies on and he’s probably not ready to wear them yet if I’m honest. I’ll take him out in pushchair for a bit but he hates being in it too long now.

I just feel like I’m losing it today. And the realisation that it’s only 9am is basically awful. There are a lot of hours left in this day.

Nothing wrong with this. All my kids had things they would watch on repeat and they're all highly successful, well adjusted adults

I am now ancient OP and I still remember those awful days. My advice is just to focus on the hour ahead, not the day ahead. And keep repeating the mantra, 'This Too Shall Pass'. And it does. I promise.

Pretend to do colouring in together
pretend tea party teddy bears picnic in lounge
put your favourite music on / radio on and dance , see if he wants to do a little silly dancing

Hope your day picks up. It’s hard when you’re tired and your little one doesn’t want to be bothered with what you have to do. it’s OK to take it easy and take a break

I remember those days. My youngest was very highly strung as a toddler and I just felt at the mercy of her tantrums all the time. More activity suggestions for you:

Use masking tape to make some roads on the carpet and drive you cars along them or build houses out of Duplo or whatever you've got

Get covered in bubbles. I use to do a big try on the floor in the kitchen and my kids would stand in it, but in the bath would work well too, just go crazy with the bubble mixture.

Build a den. Easier if you have removable sofa cushions but blanket over a broomstick is a good start if you don't. Then have a picnic lunch inside the den.

Have a disco in the lounge. I used to have a bubble machine for this but it's not essential. Just silly songs on YouTube and dance about.

First of all, don't be hard on yourself. I remember this, it was overwhelming, but it passes.

Some good ideas here. Train or bus or tram journey just for the novelty, garden centre, pet shops to see the animals, any shops really, bubble play, water play....and it's OK to have some extra screen time now and then on days like this.

. . . another vote for baths here. Fill it will toys, water squirters, plastic pourers.

My little one would play for ages in a bath. I would lie on my bed with the door open so he was only 6 feet away. Bliss.

It's soo hard.

One thing that personally helped me was reading a book called Buddhism for Mothers. It helped me allowa stuff to just wash over me and be less uptight and angry. His behaviour isn't going to change, so it worth changing your mindset a little and letting things wash you.

Please ignore this if its unhelpful, and I'm not trying to be patronising I'm just saying this helped me a little bit during hard times.

Advise as others- leave the house - break up the die. Can you go to the charity shops and find some new shoes and your son can choose a new toy or book too?

You definitely need to get out of the house ! Soft play ?! Or a furniture shop he can toddle around in , pet shop and he can look at the fish , ikea ?
Then home for nap and like previous suggestions , a long bath after nap time .
Cushions and duvet covers on the floor and jumping from the couch will burn off some energy!
Not sure if he will sit and watch tv - mine wouldn’t at that age but if he does then let him at it!

I feel for you. You are not alone. My children are older and everyday of this Easter holidays has been hell. They just fight constantly. If it helps, I’ve totally lost it by 8am too.

It's so hard op. Sending solidarity

Aww bless I feel for you, some fabulous ideas here - I particularly love the porridge one. Hope your day improves. When DH comes home I think you need some time to yourself too!

I was also going to suggest TV! I know it's supposed to be the devil but it works to calm them and you down. We always try to choose something not too overstimulating.

I remember this phase well - it's thankless and exhausting but it is finite - when my DC were this age - the thing that kept me sane was leaving the house!
Charity shops and pet shops were good entertainment!!
Break the day into chunks so it doesn't feel as if it's so long?

When Dd was like this it was either softplay or she liked going to the garden centre which she could toddle round slowly and had fish/animals to look at and a cafe for me!

Good luck!

Yes to a long bath with ALL the things. You can sit on the floor of the bathroom with tea and a book. Or get in.

In the kitchen, I replaced everything in the bottom drawer for plastic tupperware, cutlery, paper plates, wooden spoons, sieves etc. Nothing breakable.
Then, when I had to stand at the sink / worktop, he had a drawer to open and play with. Kept him quiet for ages (well, not quiet, but occupied 😂).
Keep going, you're doing great even asking for help. Most of us have done it and many felt like you. You're ok.

What does he want to do that he can't? Are you sure he can't?

Solidarity. I have a just two year old and a four week old, and I’m right here feeling the same. Break the day up. Take it hour by hour. Yesterday toddler and I baked cookies. Do you have a play cafe near you? There are loads where I live and they are great. Much less full on than soft play and better suited to toddlers.

Thank you all so much for every reply, each one has genuinely helped me feel a little bit less like I'm drowning.

Also given me some good ideas of how to fill our time. He loves bath time but for some reason it had never occurred to me that I can give him a bath other than bed time.

To answer a few questions, he's nearly 18 months. So like a few said, wants to be independent but also can't, so he gets so frustrated.

This morning we've had slamming toys around on any hard surface while I tried to get breakfast, etc sorted. (not sure my neighbours appreciate that at 7am.
Wiping spoonfulls of Weetabix in his hair.
Throwing fruit around everywhere.
Pulling any cables he can find - especially the one with my laptop attached to the other end of it.
Climbing under tables then crying because he can't get out, then doing it again.
Kicking me repeatedly while I change his nappy/get him dressed.
Throw his water cup around to get everything wet.
Throw toys around just because.
Have a hissy fit each time I stop him doing those things.
Pinching me because I want to wipe his nose.

I've just spend the past 45 minutes upstairs getting ready, sorting washing, etc. He spent his time emptying all the clothes out of his drawers. I chose to not make that one a battle as at least he was leaving me to get on with things.

He's also not a child who will watch the TV for long, although by good fortune Twirlywoos was on when we came back downstairs and that's the one thing he will just stare at. Normally he will play happily on his own for a little bit but today he just seems to want my attention every second. He keeps choosing to play with his wooden train, which comes apart then repeatedly brings it to me to put back together - like seconds later. Then gets upset at me if I don't instantly do it.

We have some errands to run this morning so I think I'll see if I can book soft play for this afternoon, or maybe swimming if not. Then I'll be studying all your replies again to see what else we can do. (sadly live about 1.5 hour from Ikea).

Thank you again all so much again - you really have helped.

You're not alone OP. I think most of us who have or had toddlers felt this way at some point.
I totally agree with the TV suggestions. Don't feel bad about it. Get through the day how you can for today.
There are some great ideas in this thread. It DOES pass. I've currently got two late teens still in bed and I remember the toddler frustrations like they were yesterday.

We spent a lot of time in our local garden centre. It had fish. And garden water features. And a cafe.
Do you have one nearby?

Sofa cushions off the sofa (or pillows off the beds) and do make shift soft play
Make a den with a blanket, give him a torch to shine lights on it
Supermarket, let him ride round in the trolley, go to the cafe for a cake
TV - even if it only works for 10 mins, that's better than nothing
Got any balloons - blow up a few and there's at least 30 minutes of fun chucking them round

Just accept this is a crap day and roll with it. Tomorrow will be better.

The bath is a great shout. We didn’t stop at toys - I used to round up every random waterproof item I could find and play the ‘floaty/sinky’ game which kept DD occupied for hours.

I’m sorry OP but your description of what your toddler had done so far made me smile. It’s just so relatable. And it’s bloody relentless. I remember the clock watching & the feeling that I had no idea how I’d get through the day. Does he nap? My DD dropped her naps early & never napped for long but I know that’s a break for some people. And definitely yes to screen time (when he’ll watch it) & choosing your battles. It does get easier I promise but my main aim at that stage was just to survive the day!

Also check out YouTube for extra episodes of his favourite TV programme - needs must!