I feel like a failure. Somebody please talk sense into me

[AmIAFailure77]

I’m 27, I have absolutely no savings. I’m living with my parents, with the extremely unrealistic goal of buying a house. I can barely even rent at the moment. I will probably end up renting in a few months.

I have a decent career which I enjoy but I’m quite low down and my salary is only 30k. It’s not looking likely I’ll be promoted anytime soon.

I’ve had a boyfriend for two years, but he’s not in a great financial position either and we’d not even think about kids unless we lived somewhere together.
I feel I’m running out of time to have kids though, and I very much doubt I’ll have a house and a stable life by the time I’m 29.

I feel like a massive failure….

Where's your money going?

I went travelling recently which honestly blew all my money. Spending a lot on petrol, work memberships, my car etc. I am saving a bit now but wouldn’t exactly say it’s enough to call it savings

If you earn £30k and live at home with your parents, where is the money being spent?
Why do you think you need to have kids by 29? I have 3, and hadn’t had any by 29. We bought our first house when I was 34 (had 2 kids by then).

By the sounds of it travelling must have been quite expensive? I think you have to accept you made a sacrifice, and only you can decide if it was worth it.

If you saved enough to go travelling your savings will start to accumulate again. Are you in a job with good career potential? Training and upskilling for a higher paid job would be sensible (obvious, I know!).

Have you looked into shared ownership? If your boyfriend is on a similar salary then unless you live in an extortionate area that may very well be affordable.

Also how long were you travelling for and when did you come back? You might have an extended version of back to reality holiday blues

What's 30k like £2300 a month net? 🤔 what are work memberships? You should easily be able to save £1500 a month at least if you actually knuckle down. Same for your boyfriend. You have to really want it.

I get £1900 a month

In fairness I'm 31, solo parent, overweight, no friends, no hobbies, earn about £12k a year and haven't been in a relationship for years. I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be by now so I'm probably not the best person to be giving you a pep talk on what it is to be a failure 😂

You have to decide what it is you really want from life and go from there. Set yourself some goals and break them down into achievable chunks! No one has it all but you're still very young to make some changes. In my opinion, as long as you're kind and good and friendly and put good vibes out into the world, you're not failing.

Travelling was a choice, you will be making other choices about where your money goes.
Years ago I had a conversation with a colleague, she was complaining about how she couldn't possibly afford to move out of parents house, and I was so lucky. She had just come back from a 3 week holiday in India, I hadn't been on holiday for several years.

Go through everything and think carefully about what your priorities are, then take it from there.

What are your actual outgoings? What car are you driving? What mobile phone contract?

With all respect, you chose to go travelling. Not saying that was the wrong choice, or a bad choice, but it was a choice. And that’s why you’re in the financial situation you’re currently in. Was it worth it?
All you can do now is knuckle down and build your savings back up.

Also the median age for a first time mother is now 32 so the majority of 29 year olds don't have children either. You aren't far behind everyone else.

£1900, where’s that going? If you’re living at parents your rent must be cheap, you should be able to save at least £1k a month.

If you and your boyfriend save £1,500 between you a month, and open a LISA each, contribute the max £4k a year, then you’d have a £40k deposit in 2 years.

Time to get strict with your spending.

Draw up a budget, absolutely all of your incomings and outgoings. Highlight all necessary spends like bills. Out of the rest work out what you can cut out and go without, 2 years isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. Then return to what you have highlighted and see if there’s anything you can downgrade or get a better deal on. Get your boyfriend to do the same.

I think you need to take a long hard look at your priorities.

Travelling is great and to do it while young and without responsibilities must be fab. However, the toss up is that you now have no deposit. Doesn't mean you're a failure, just that your priorities were not home ownership at that time.

How much did you spend travelling and how long did it take to save?

How much are you paying rent to parents?

Is the car necessary?

On your salary, on say paying 400 a month to parents you should be able to save between 750- a grand a month if you really put your mind to it and cut out all non essentials.

You are 27. You are earning 30k a year
You have been travelling.
I think you are doing OK. Chin up. You are doing just fine. All the things you are aiming for will come. Just enjoy it. I'm saying this because I look back on being 27 and wish I hadn't worried so much. I wasn't earning as much as you and I missed out on travelling. You are doing great, honestly.

Are you worrying about not having more ‘life stuff’ sorted before turning 30? 30k is a good salary, after tax? You can do this! If you’re serious about buying a house, did you start looking at mortgage options yet? You can consider lots of options, speak to an advisor, even if you don’t have enough saved yet, it’s good to know what’s out there and have a savings goal that’s realistic. There are more property options out there than you might imagine, and your first property doesn’t need to be a forever home, it’s an investment. Could you take an extra job in the evenings to boost income? You did travel at the perfect time - old enough to know better and young enough to really have a blast :) I’m 39, still single, still renting, BUT the 8k I had saved from living at home with my dad in early 30s went on saving my dog’s life (he developed a rare and complicated disease which has needed years of treatment), and because I couldn’t buy a house when I thought I would, it meant that when dad developed (and sadly died from) cancer, I was able to drop everything and move in with him and care for him for 2 years, up until the day he died, last year. I felt like you once, but a decade later I realise, it’s a state of mind. Kids were never my agenda, but you can do the things you want. You can take some practical steps, budgeting, finance control, house research, if you can live at home for another year or two to help you save, but also, life has a way of throwing curve balls at you. Your goal isn’t unrealistic, pennies make pounds and small steps get you up the mountain - you just need to be methodical and practical about the route to get there, and don’t beat yourself up if you get blown off course sometimes, life is wild :)

Is 30k a year really only £1900 a month. That's way less than I thought.

No one quotes their salary as after tax 😄 it's obviously 30k gross which is how everyone describes their salary.

🤣🤦🏻‍♀️😅

Travelling is both expensive and priceless

You can at least save money now that you don’t have to pay rent. I know plenty of people in your situation except they have to pay rent as well.

You need to focus on enjoying life while you’re young. You have plenty of time to have kids and once you eventually do you’ll regret not making the most of being free and single.

I don't think OP has said whether she pays rent to parents or not.

If not, you'll be able to save up tons of money (a grand a month EASILY) if you live frugally with the aim of buying a house.

If OP is paying rent to parents then might as well move out if that makes her feel better. That’s just my perspective…

Can you break it all down?

Lots of people focussing on the travelling expense but I did the same (a bit younger then you) and would not change those experiences for the world. You have to grab some chances in life when you can, and believe me when/if you do have kids you will not have the opportunity for a very long time. Just put your focus into saving now, reassess your outgoings, give yourself monthly goals etc..
I use Hyperjar for budgeting which I find very useful. For moral support the Broke Generation podcast is great.

Don’t overthink kids etc.. it doesn’t sound like you are emotionally ready anyway and 27 is still young. I wasn’t ready at 29, nor 30, nor 31. When I was 32 something just clicked. Oh, and my partner and I were renting at the time. We didn’t buy our first house until several years later. Wasn’t the way we planned it but it was absolutely fine. People get hung up on buying a house which is bloody difficult for this generation, no matter how many holidays you forgo, how many coffees you stop buying. You’ll get there I’m sure but you are most definitely NOT a failure.

And work, careers, promotions - again opportunities can come where you least expect it. You enjoy your job but if the money is below par talk to your employer about it (if it’s the kind of industry where you can do so). You never know. And keep an eye out for other opportunities - linkedin, catch up with ex-colleagues, register with agencies.

Life very rarely falls into place in the way that people plan it to (no matter what they may say). But if you know what you want (home, family, career etc..) you’ll find a way. It may not be the order you expected it to be, and there will be obstacles, some of them major. But keep going, have confidence and give yourself a bit of a break from time to time. You are not a failure - no matter what advice people give you on threads like this etc… life is bloody hard sometimes and that’s just the way it is.