I feel like a failure. Somebody please talk sense into me

[AmIAFailure77]

I’m 27, I have absolutely no savings. I’m living with my parents, with the extremely unrealistic goal of buying a house. I can barely even rent at the moment. I will probably end up renting in a few months.

I have a decent career which I enjoy but I’m quite low down and my salary is only 30k. It’s not looking likely I’ll be promoted anytime soon.

I’ve had a boyfriend for two years, but he’s not in a great financial position either and we’d not even think about kids unless we lived somewhere together.
I feel I’m running out of time to have kids though, and I very much doubt I’ll have a house and a stable life by the time I’m 29.

I feel like a massive failure….

I do, @ButterflyKu - All bills, council tax, utilities, food, insurance, running a car. And I manage to save a tiny bit each month.

I don’t think you’re a failure, but you need to own your choices, not make them and complain after. You chose to spend up , and that’s fine, but with that decision comes consequences.

There are some who do! My hairdresser’s younger sister who’s in her early to mid 40s lives with her parents in SE London and my other friend who’s 51 lives with her DM in SE London but she’s almost a part time carer as her DM is elderly and her older brother and sister don’t want to care for their DM.

I met a man recently who after his divorce moved in with his parents in his late 40s and cares for his dad who’s sick and old. This man does rent a flat with his DB but the DB and his partner live there now.

OP is 27. You are 17, and most 17 year olds you know own their own houses in London?? You don’t know any 17 year olds who live with their parents?

OP if you go travelling then yes that’s money which can go towards a deposit. As pp say though with you and your DP’s earnings you should be able to get a mortgage. Prioritise saving now maybe even get a second job to do it quicker.

How are you a victim or a failure? You could afford to save up and blew it on travel. Sounds amazing and I hope you enjoyed it but you’re pretty lucky in many ways.

Everyone makes choices. You chose travel over saving to move out. How did your parents feel about that? At least own it rather than pretending it was done to you somehow.

DH sister went travelling when she was about 30 for a year and blew all her savings. It was a choice. we are in our fifties now and this has been the pattern of her life, very poor financial decisions and indulging herself but then complaining.

Honestly depending on how much rent you give your parents you should be in a position to save a lot. DS and his GF end up with a bit less than you per month. They pay a small amount of rent to each set of parents. They have worked out they can each save 15k this year, they each run a small car and have gym membership. The one advantage DS had was we bought him a car outright as a gift.

What is your “good career” OP? £30k is quite a low wage. What are you opportunities for promotion? What can you expect to be earning in 5-10 years time?

If you earn £9600 per year (£800 per month), you should be entitled to UC and council tax credit, even if you are single with no children. You may be entitled to HB, depending on your living situation. Nobody should be living on £800 per month with no other top ups.

My ds is 29 and earns around the same amount, I think he’s on 28 or 29k. He rents in a shared house and manages to save about £100 most months. It’s really hard though, he has no hope of buying a property really, he’s single and unless he meets someone to buy with I can’t see him buying. To be honest I think he will leave the Country, he is a HCP so can take his qualification anywhere.

You aren't a failure. Despite what you might think, you are still young. You need to readjust your focus. You chose to go travelling and spend all your savings on that. Presumably having a fantastic time. Do you know how many don't do that before they are tied down with mortgages, kids etc and regret it? Loads! While you might be jealous of friends who've bought property, some of them will be jealous that while they were worrying about how they would pay for a new boiler you were off living your life and seeing the world!

OK, so you have no money because you spent it having a fabulous time - own it!
Now, you need to look at your finances and make a plan for saving. You should ab able to put a decent chunk aside. Then your job/career. Is it something you can advance in and get paid well? Or do you need to maybe retrain or get an additional qualification to advance? At a very basic level, I would say loyalty doesn't pay. People who move jobs always advance their pay packets quicker than people who stick.

Kids etc, don't even think about that now.

There’s nothing wrong with travelling; I did it for 6 years. What you can’t do is spend all your money on a luxury and then sulk that you have no savings.

Obviously not 🙄. I was posting in reply to the woman who said she’s 50 and most of her similarly aged friends in London live with their parents. I am 40.

You went travelling. I wanted to go travelling but didn’t because I prioritised buying a house (I was 26). Granted this was four years ago when interest rates were better but still, I don’t think you can have everything! It’s all down to priorities and what you choose to spend your money on. It sounds like you earn plenty enough to save every month tbh

You're not a failure. The thing is with savings, is that you can't spend them and have them. It's fine to choose to blow all your money on travelling, and gym memberships and beefy phone contracts , but then you haven't got it in the bank. You know this.

It should be totally doable while living at home to cut your outgoings drastically if your goal is to save up, but you have to actually do it, not just 'live at home to save money' and wonder why it's not happening.

Is there anything particular happening when you turn 29 that means that you have to have a baby by then?

Different people have different priorities, that’s fine. You prioritised travelling. Fine, but don’t now complain that you can’t afford to buy a house. I prioritised home ownership, I didn’t go travelling and didn’t have a gym membership, and bought when I was 27. I didn’t complain that I didn’t get to go travelling or to the gym, you can’t have everything.

I went to uni until I was 22. I lived with parents until I was 24, and used my savings to rent a place with a previous partner.
I moved back home when I was 26 and went travelling.

I spend £200 on petrol, £150 on my car, £150 on therapy and £200 rent a month.

Where I live is extortionate too!

It's not a low wage. It's about average for the UK, which is therefore quite a good wage considering OP's youth and the fact she took some time out travelling!

That’s £700, where’s the other £1200 going? Let’s say you need £200 for food (do you buy your own food?) and £100 spending money you should be able to save £900 a month?

It's all about priorities and choices OP.

You spend £700 a month (in your most recent post), you earn £1,900. So, where is £1,200 going? Even living a decent life with £100 a week spending money, you should easily save £800 a month. In a year, that's nearly £10K you could save.

I'm two years older than you and bought my house at 27. But, I chose to prioritise a house above all else. Every penny I earnt from the day I turned 16 (other than rent to my parents) went towards a house deposit - for example, when I earnt £1,600 a month, I saved £1000 a month (£400 towards my parents, £200 for all my other bills).

You can easily turn this around, you just need to make cuts and prioritise. You're not a failure, you've just made short-term choices when you have long-term goals - it's easily rectified, if you want to rectify it. 🙂

So how much can you save a month?

How much do you need for a deposit?

Make a concrete plan, you can make it happen! You can’t turn back time just move forward.

Lots of people earn that kind of salary in "good careers".

Obviously that's location dependent.

I think you are confused about what a LISA is and how much interest would he earned in two years

It’s not average. Average is £35k.

I didn’t say anything about interest.

£1,500 per month for two years = £36,000

A LISA open for 2 years with the maximum £4,000 contributed each year will give a government bonus of £2,000 (£1,000 per year). If OP and her boyfriend each open one and max it out that will be £4,000 government bonus between them, over the 2 years.

Added to the £36,000 saved that would be £40,000.

Interested to hear what I’m not understanding?