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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel like a failure. Somebody please talk sense into me

87 replies

AmIAFailure77 · 03/04/2024 20:50

I’m 27, I have absolutely no savings. I’m living with my parents, with the extremely unrealistic goal of buying a house. I can barely even rent at the moment. I will probably end up renting in a few months.

I have a decent career which I enjoy but I’m quite low down and my salary is only 30k. It’s not looking likely I’ll be promoted anytime soon.

I’ve had a boyfriend for two years, but he’s not in a great financial position either and we’d not even think about kids unless we lived somewhere together.
I feel I’m running out of time to have kids though, and I very much doubt I’ll have a house and a stable life by the time I’m 29.

I feel like a massive failure….

OP posts:
Youdontevengohere · 03/04/2024 21:51

stoptryingtomakefetchhappen · 03/04/2024 21:49

Lots of people focussing on the travelling expense but I did the same (a bit younger then you) and would not change those experiences for the world. You have to grab some chances in life when you can, and believe me when/if you do have kids you will not have the opportunity for a very long time. Just put your focus into saving now, reassess your outgoings, give yourself monthly goals etc..
I use Hyperjar for budgeting which I find very useful. For moral support the Broke Generation podcast is great.

Don’t overthink kids etc.. it doesn’t sound like you are emotionally ready anyway and 27 is still young. I wasn’t ready at 29, nor 30, nor 31. When I was 32 something just clicked. Oh, and my partner and I were renting at the time. We didn’t buy our first house until several years later. Wasn’t the way we planned it but it was absolutely fine. People get hung up on buying a house which is bloody difficult for this generation, no matter how many holidays you forgo, how many coffees you stop buying. You’ll get there I’m sure but you are most definitely NOT a failure.

And work, careers, promotions - again opportunities can come where you least expect it. You enjoy your job but if the money is below par talk to your employer about it (if it’s the kind of industry where you can do so). You never know. And keep an eye out for other opportunities - linkedin, catch up with ex-colleagues, register with agencies.

Life very rarely falls into place in the way that people plan it to (no matter what they may say). But if you know what you want (home, family, career etc..) you’ll find a way. It may not be the order you expected it to be, and there will be obstacles, some of them major. But keep going, have confidence and give yourself a bit of a break from time to time. You are not a failure - no matter what advice people give you on threads like this etc… life is bloody hard sometimes and that’s just the way it is.

I think people are only focussing on the travelling in the sense that the OP made that choice and all choices have consequences. No one has said she shouldn’t have done it, just that she’s acknowledged that it’s the reason she has no savings.

ButterflyKu · 03/04/2024 21:54

Howaboutthats · 03/04/2024 20:57

What's 30k like £2300 a month net? 🤔 what are work memberships? You should easily be able to save £1500 a month at least if you actually knuckle down. Same for your boyfriend. You have to really want it.

Who in the world could live on £800 a month? Presuming the OP would pay a certain amount of rent towards her parents alongside food, bills, car maintenance and other things. I don’t see £800 going for at all tbh

PeaPalRIDriots · 03/04/2024 21:57

But we don’t know if she is paying rent and bills though or how much that is.

In any case OP, as frustrating as it might be, it’s good to separate your feelings of self worth from these outward things.

TabbyMcTat2 · 03/04/2024 21:59

If you are on 30K and your boyfriend is on similar then you will easily be able to buy. I know people who have done it on a joint income of just over your salary and we are in one of the most expensive parts of the UK. They did have quite a large deposit though.

As for kids, most have them now in their mid thirties. Plenty of time if thats what you want.

You are young, earning a decent amount and have a partner. You are doing well. I wish I had all that.

stoptryingtomakefetchhappen · 03/04/2024 22:00

@Youdontevengohere Of course and I get that but it was just coming across a bit critical with the ‘that was your choice’ wording etc.. It wouldn’t be helpful for the OP to go away thinking she’d made a mistake and beating herself up over it.

NeedToChangeName · 03/04/2024 22:00

AmIAFailure77 · 03/04/2024 20:52

I went travelling recently which honestly blew all my money. Spending a lot on petrol, work memberships, my car etc. I am saving a bit now but wouldn’t exactly say it’s enough to call it savings

But it was your choice to go travelling, no?

Stormbornform · 03/04/2024 22:01

You earn more than enough to save and move out. You blew it travelling. Fair enough you're still young, but you now need to save for your next adventure. Home ownership. If you're serious about it then knuckle down, stop the nights out and save for that. It's a large amount of disposable income. You won't have anything near than amount with a mortgage and kids. Use it wisely.

Biggybigbiggles · 03/04/2024 22:04

If it helps, at 27 I was earning 40k a year, had no savings and was 15k in debt. I was single and pretty much suicidal due to the stress of money and the prospect of being alone forever.

3 years later I own a house, have no debt, a big chunk of savings and am with an amazing man.

Life will take you on fucking random ups and downs. You will be fine!!

JLT24 · 03/04/2024 22:05

Research potential properties you can buy and work out how much of a deposit you will need.

Do a budget based on your finances now and work out how much can you realistically save towards a deposit each month and how long it will take to save. Open a LISA to earn free money (govt bonus plus interest).

If you’re serious about buying then put a proper plan in place and you can make happen!

Personally I wouldn’t rent in your situation, I’d stay with your parents and save towards buying.

Mrbumpssmile · 03/04/2024 22:09

Completely normal in London. I'm 50 and most of my friends from childhood still live with their parents in London, just lucky enough to have parents who bought their homes in the 70s or 80s when people in ok jobs could afford them and so there's space to make a separate flat in the basement.

So nothing to feel a failure about. Your salary's quite good. It's just really difficult because homes are so expensive.

Twolittleloves · 03/04/2024 22:20

Sounds like you're aiming for unrealistic expectations!

DH and I were 28 and 29 respectively when DD was born in 2017.
He was on approx 25k at the time, me approx 18k.
We rented a 2-bed semi (we still rent a different 3-bed semi now)
DD never wanted for anything, she is a privelidged child who has always been doted on and very well provided for.
DD2 is the same, despite us still only having a 45k income.

Yes buying a house and having a higher income are the 'ideal' but don't be tricked into thinking that everything has to be 'perfect' before having a baby.As long as you have a stable and solid relationship, enough money for the essentials plus abit more, and lots of love to give a child, you will be fine.x

ConfrontationDoesntHaveToBeScarey · 03/04/2024 22:26

@ButterflyKu Who in the world could live on £800 a month?, oh come on, a lot of people do.

Youdontevengohere · 03/04/2024 22:27

Most of them? I’m 10 years younger and most of my friends in London own or rent their own place. I don’t know any who still live with their parents.

UnicornAndSparkles · 03/04/2024 22:27

Ah OP you're so young! Enjoy travelling, having minimal commitments and being free of a mortgage and bills. There's so much time for mortgages, marriage, kids etc in years to come. Save what you can and spend the rest on experiencing life.

pootlin · 03/04/2024 22:28

I don’t get this, OP. Are you paying your parents rent? How many years have you worked? I had saved enough for a deposit on a house in London by late 20s on a similar salary ten years ago. I paid mum £250pm and also paid the phone and broadband bill.

GettingStuffed · 03/04/2024 22:36

DS is older than you and still lives at home, I said still but he left home for a few years and had to move back home when the landlord put his rent up by £200 a month.

He has mental issues and finds it hard to stay in a job once the stress gets to him

He's currently unemployed and is looking to move with us to a town that has few opportunities other than seasonal jobs or retail, which he's too big to do

You life is much better than his, make a list of the things you're thankful for and try to add one a day

PinkFrogss · 03/04/2024 22:36

pootlin · 03/04/2024 22:28

I don’t get this, OP. Are you paying your parents rent? How many years have you worked? I had saved enough for a deposit on a house in London by late 20s on a similar salary ten years ago. I paid mum £250pm and also paid the phone and broadband bill.

A similar salary ten years ago is a little irrelevant, given how much everything has increased in price though

pootlin · 03/04/2024 22:37

PinkFrogss · 03/04/2024 22:36

A similar salary ten years ago is a little irrelevant, given how much everything has increased in price though

Show quote history

Not to the extent that OP has zero savings.

PinkFrogss · 03/04/2024 22:42

pootlin · 03/04/2024 22:37

Not to the extent that OP has zero savings.

Show quote history

If the OP went to university it’s possible she’s only been working 5 or 6 years.

If she didn’t start on the salary she’s on now, overspent a little bit (easy to do with a first proper income), and paid to go travelling I can definitely see how OP may not have any savings.

Plenty of people don’t have savings or are in debt. I’m don’t understand what there is not to get?

Mrbumpssmile · 04/04/2024 00:22

Youdontevengohere · 03/04/2024 22:27

Most of them? I’m 10 years younger and most of my friends in London own or rent their own place. I don’t know any who still live with their parents.

They must be very wealthy! Most Londoners I know can't afford to buy a home.

Youdontevengohere · 04/04/2024 07:23

Mrbumpssmile · 04/04/2024 00:22

They must be very wealthy! Most Londoners I know can't afford to buy a home.

Show quote history

Most have good salaries yes, in things like finance/law etc.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/04/2024 07:37

You been travelling - a lifetime experience so won't have savings

But now you can save

How much do you pay to parents ?

Whatever it is it's less then if renting alone so stay with then and save save save if went to buy with bf

Mn always says write down your expenses and people will help with reducing them

So what do you spend your 1800 a month on

ButterflyKu · 04/04/2024 09:42

ConfrontationDoesntHaveToBeScarey · 03/04/2024 22:26

@ButterflyKu Who in the world could live on £800 a month?, oh come on, a lot of people do.

Maybe once they’ve paid rent and some bills. £800 is not enough to live on if you also have to pay rent, car maintenance and bills out of it. Obviously I don’t know if the OP pays rent but I would assume she contributes towards the household

PotatoPudding · 04/04/2024 09:45

£30k is a decent salary. That’s all I earn and I am in my 40s. It may not be high by MN standards, but it’s more than I ever thought I could earn.

How are you blowing £2000 a month if you’re living at home? If you want all the things you say you do, you need to go through your finances and make sacrifices.

fratlife · 04/04/2024 09:47

AmIAFailure77 · 03/04/2024 20:50

I’m 27, I have absolutely no savings. I’m living with my parents, with the extremely unrealistic goal of buying a house. I can barely even rent at the moment. I will probably end up renting in a few months.

I have a decent career which I enjoy but I’m quite low down and my salary is only 30k. It’s not looking likely I’ll be promoted anytime soon.

I’ve had a boyfriend for two years, but he’s not in a great financial position either and we’d not even think about kids unless we lived somewhere together.
I feel I’m running out of time to have kids though, and I very much doubt I’ll have a house and a stable life by the time I’m 29.

I feel like a massive failure….

I’m 27, I have no savings. I rent with the same goal of house buying in mind - it’s good you get to live with your parents and save. I’m on a higher salary than you but your quality of life is probably comparable as my bills eat up the majority of my income. I’m also eternally single! So from my perspective you are definitely not a failure, you have some good things going on and definitely enviable aspects! You still have time to have kids, anything can happen in 2 years so you don’t need to put a time limit on anything. Completely get the pressure of turning 30 and having things in order though, but honestly you are doing fine