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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parent and child spaces should be for those with children 5 and under

755 replies

seize · 03/04/2024 16:41

Parent-child parking spaces at supermarkets should be reserved primarily for those with children aged 5 and under, aside from older children with special needs (although a blue badge might be more appropriate where they meet the criteria, in these cases).

I was alone with my 4 month old today, the trolleys with the baby seats are kept next to these spaces. The spaces which have the easiest access to the trolleys had all been taken with the last taken by someone just before me, I reversed into a space around the corner and the driver was shaking their head at me, presumedly because their space only had extra room on one side and my space came up to them (see picture). I was surprised to then see them get out with a child of about 13. I saw multiple other people using these spaces with children looking like teenagers. I was able to get a space which still had fairly easy access to the trolleys, albeit by needing to walk on the road and inbetween the other cars, multiple people had parked in the spaces with the easiest access with much older children. I was lucky to get a space at all, had I not I would have had to walk across the busy carpark holding my baby.

YANBU- Just because someone has a child under 16 doesn’t mean they should take up these spaces, they should save them for people who need them the most.

YABU- first come first served, who cares if someone with a baby is having to traipse across a busy car park holding a baby to get to the baby trolleys.

Parent and child spaces should be for those with children 5 and under
OP posts:
Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 18:51

DimpseyDaiquiri · 04/04/2024 18:47

@Flopsy145 my DM had a hidden disability and hated parking in a parent and child bay with her blue badge when there were no disabled spaces. However, she physically could not walk the distance to the door of the supermarket unaided. If someone like you approached her challenging her parking and I had been there, I am pretty sure they would have regretted it.

Edited

But with a blue badge I completely agree that those users should take precedent, and tbh I disagree that it's a bb rule to not use P&C spaces when all are taken

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 18:53

DimpseyDaiquiri · 04/04/2024 18:42

Did you read @Wills post? How do you think you would make them feel if you accosted them challenging why they were parking where they were? Maybe you should think about that kind of thing before acting next time?

I did, she was her child, even if he was a teenager and didn't visibly look disabled, she was still with her child.

DimpseyDaiquiri · 04/04/2024 18:55

So are you saying you wouldn't have challenged her? I don't know how old her DS looked but my DS was six foot two at fifteen. Presumably he might have fallen into your 'healthy looking young man' category? Appearances can be deceptive.

Sirzy · 04/04/2024 18:56

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 18:53

I did, she was her child, even if he was a teenager and didn't visibly look disabled, she was still with her child.

you do realise that the children and teens with additional needs grow into adults who still have those needs? They don’t disappear on someone’s 16th birthday!

Stareysheep · 04/04/2024 18:58

"I did say she's fully entitled to but she said it was in her BB rule book, I didn't realise that was a rule but there we go."

This "rule" is not in the BB rule book.

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 19:02

DimpseyDaiquiri · 04/04/2024 18:55

So are you saying you wouldn't have challenged her? I don't know how old her DS looked but my DS was six foot two at fifteen. Presumably he might have fallen into your 'healthy looking young man' category? Appearances can be deceptive.

No I wouldn't have, it's clear when a mother is with their child and it's not a couple for instance.
Also, can I clarify, I have simply asked people a question, I haven't shouted or been aggressive because I'm not like that. I just personally think they should be for parents and children and disabled badge holders when those spaces are full, and in general I think more should be done to get people with invisible disabilities a blue badge because those that need it should have it.

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 19:03

Stareysheep · 04/04/2024 18:58

"I did say she's fully entitled to but she said it was in her BB rule book, I didn't realise that was a rule but there we go."

This "rule" is not in the BB rule book.

I've never seen one myself, like I said just an anecdote I was told not saying it's a fact

BooBooDoodle · 04/04/2024 19:04

I’ve had 2 kids and never been so precious about this. If they weren’t available, not a big deal, I’d drive somewhere with more space and hope I had space when I returned and basically walk the length of the car park to the entrance. It’s all about space, I get it. Plenty of space on the outskirts of the car parks usually. Put said child in a sling and just walk? I had severe mobility issues when pregnant both times but never got a pass to park in a designated area. Again, I’d park further out and walk because I needed the doors open fully to get out of the car.

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 19:05

Sirzy · 04/04/2024 18:56

you do realise that the children and teens with additional needs grow into adults who still have those needs? They don’t disappear on someone’s 16th birthday!

Like I've said, I think more should be done to get anyone who needs a closer/accessible space a blue badge and it shouldn't be as hard to get as it is.

Jeannie88 · 04/04/2024 19:06

Yanbu, now my dc are a bit older I only park in child reserved spaces if there are plenty. This is mostly because getting out of the car they tend to open the doors right out so avoids damage to other vehicles! When younger and babies the extra space is an advantage. Xx

Sirzy · 04/04/2024 19:06

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 19:05

Like I've said, I think more should be done to get anyone who needs a closer/accessible space a blue badge and it shouldn't be as hard to get as it is.

But your challenging people won’t change the system. It won’t make going out any easier for them it just adds to the stress.

HawkeyePierce · 04/04/2024 19:08

StevieNicksWannabe · 03/04/2024 16:52

Parent & Child spaces should be at the far side of the car park, with wide spaces and baby trolleys close-by. Then others wouldn't want to use them unnecessarily.

And to counter the expected cries of "Oh, but then you have children walking miles through the M25-like carpark to get to the supermarket door"...realistically, a lot of car parks have clearly labelled pedestrian paths painted through the car park. If you can't control your child for a 90 second walk across a car park, you have bigger issues than a parking space.

Totally agree, but them at the back with a proper path to the store and watch this debate end immediately. Coincidentally my local supermarket used to have two doors at opposite ends, so two set of baby spaces. Since COVID they’ve only used one door and the spaces at the opposite end are always totally empty.

Jeannie88 · 04/04/2024 19:09

RebeccaCloud9 · 03/04/2024 16:56

I've just come back from the supermarket. One p&c space was taken by an elderly woman with a stick but no blue badge. So a perfectly justified and genuine use of the space by someone not technically allowed but who would actually benefit from it.

Another space was taken by a woman waiting in the car for her teenage son to head into the shop! He strode back to her, definitely capable of managing the walk and the space by himself 😆

That's the problem and I can't believe how selfish some humans are to do this. I've observed so many just swing in, park over the lines, go on their phones and not be aware of or care about anyone else. 😳

jcsc · 04/04/2024 19:13

I’ve got 6 year old twins and a 7 year old. Our parent and child spaces are next to the walkway and crossing into the store, so I will still use them. Getting across a busy car park with all 3 when I have 3 kids and 2 hands is dangerous. My 7 year old has the mentality of a toddler. It’s not safe. Not sure you can really state under 5 in the one year of them turning 6 their road sense hasn’t improved and with cars coming and going into spaces, it’s actually more hazardous than crossing a road.

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 19:13

Sirzy · 04/04/2024 19:06

But your challenging people won’t change the system. It won’t make going out any easier for them it just adds to the stress.

I've been forced to think about this issue far too much in the last few days and tbh regret ever commenting on this thread, but should have guessed with Mumsnet the kind of responses there would be 😅 although there are plenty of posters and people in real life who agree with me. If it makes you all feel better I'll never ask anyone even if it's a boy racer with all their mates ever ever again what their doing, and in fact will give up my space just for them to get their beer a bit quicker.

M2B19 · 04/04/2024 19:21

There is an age limit on these spaces, it’s 12 I believe. However, my 4 year old looks like she’s 6 so I think it’s unreasonable to judge people on the ages of their children when you don’t actually know.

DimpseyDaiquiri · 04/04/2024 19:27

@Flopsy145 after giving you a hard time, I just remembered there was one time I did challenge someone in a parent and child bay!!!! It was nearly twenty years ago and I was about 38 weeks pregnant with my second and had my two year-old in tow who was particularly boisterous that day and I felt like an exhausted and breathless whale. I had him by the hand in a vice-grip and had just walked from the far end of a large car park when I saw a lady who lunches type elegantly skipping back alone to a huge 4x4 that was neatly straddled over two of the four parent and child bays. I was furious but I think it was more the two bay thing than anything else, possibly peppered with a bit of a hormonal surge. I went over and politely asked her if it had been really necessary to take those two bays as it would have made my life a whole lot easier if she hadn't. She was truly mortified and so apologetic that I felt quite bad. Then I thought if it stopped her doing next time it had probably been okay.

piccola15 · 04/04/2024 19:30

I think they should be used by people who have children coming into the shop with them who cannot safely see themselves across a road. It's hard to get a blue badge for disabled kids unless you are claiming benefits which some people don't qualify for, yet their kids may still not be at the level of independence to enable them to be safe around cars. I have an autistic 11 year old who will literally run straight into a car park without looking yet if you spoke to him you would assume he was your average child. Also if someone has multiple kids to take out that makes a difference. We do have a blue badge but if I am not getting out with my husband and they are then we need to use the parent and child bays. Because of nuance I think we can't really judge others with kids. Your baby can't run off so some people may think you don't need it. That said, the whole village uses our parent and child bays with or without kids and I think that's really bad.

Galdos · 04/04/2024 19:46

Over 20 years ago now, but I rarely found a child friendly car space, and used to carry my baby twins across carparks to shops where I could thankfully dump - (carefully place) - them in a trolley. As I recall, parent and child bays were always occupied, often seemingly by folks with no sign of a child, or with one who was clearly able to talk and walk. I took it as a challenge/exercise, and mused on the workings of the human mind. People can be just weird.

Needanewname42 · 04/04/2024 19:47

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 03/04/2024 16:49

Parent and child spaces are to allow enough space to fasten and unfasten a child car seat. They’re not to make to make it a shorter walk. I wish they would put them all at the far side of the car park to put off people who don’t need to use them.

Totally agree put them as far away from the shop door as possible and they won't be abused.

But actually half the problem is UK cars have got bigger but spaces are still 5m x 2m lots of cars completely fill the space. Two wide cars next to each other and nobody can get out the car.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 04/04/2024 19:49

EIBU - everyone is being unreasonable.

AgentJohnson · 04/04/2024 19:52

I don’t drive and have always used public transport and I’m always amused by parents who do drive expecting the world to stop for them.

Allfur · 04/04/2024 19:53

Sirzy · 04/04/2024 19:06

But your challenging people won’t change the system. It won’t make going out any easier for them it just adds to the stress.

Stress goes both ways, if supermarket shopping is so stressful, why do it

Sirzy · 04/04/2024 20:12

Allfur · 04/04/2024 19:53

Stress goes both ways, if supermarket shopping is so stressful, why do it

In my case I generally don’t, mostly it is done via delivery.

but there are times we do need to go to the shops, and it is a massive challenge for my son but he can’t be left home alone safely so he has to come. People challenging parking can be enough to tip him over the edge.

Flopsy145 · 04/04/2024 20:12

DimpseyDaiquiri · 04/04/2024 19:27

@Flopsy145 after giving you a hard time, I just remembered there was one time I did challenge someone in a parent and child bay!!!! It was nearly twenty years ago and I was about 38 weeks pregnant with my second and had my two year-old in tow who was particularly boisterous that day and I felt like an exhausted and breathless whale. I had him by the hand in a vice-grip and had just walked from the far end of a large car park when I saw a lady who lunches type elegantly skipping back alone to a huge 4x4 that was neatly straddled over two of the four parent and child bays. I was furious but I think it was more the two bay thing than anything else, possibly peppered with a bit of a hormonal surge. I went over and politely asked her if it had been really necessary to take those two bays as it would have made my life a whole lot easier if she hadn't. She was truly mortified and so apologetic that I felt quite bad. Then I thought if it stopped her doing next time it had probably been okay.

Edited

Thank you for sharing that, you didn't have to so appreciate it. I'm also pregnant and have a toddler and time before was when she was a newborn so maybe it's the hormones making me get so riled by it 😂