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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say no to unwanted visitors?

84 replies

SammyTheDog · 03/04/2024 10:44

Met this family on holidays abroad a few years back. Invited the three of them to come and stay with us (we don't live in the UK) as their dd got on really well with ours. So they came and stayed with us last summer for about 5 days. Problem is, when they came to stay, they didn't bring as much as a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine. Neither did they spend a single penny for the whole time they were here. We took them out to dinner almost every night; paid for boats trips, trips to museums etc. Neither parent put their hand in their pocket for the entire trip. They're not wealthy people, but we felt it wouldn't have killed them to bring a small gift, or at least pay for one of the meals out!
Now, the mum has been in touch to say they want to come again this summer, this time for a week!! Would it be really mean of me to say no? And what exactly will I say? Help!!

OP posts:
cheddercherry · 03/04/2024 11:46

Why on earth would you pay for everything?!

Thats utterly bizarre if that’s actually true, regardless either say quite simply you’re already booked up for this summer, or be blunter and say finances won’t allow you to host in the manner you did last summer so you aren’t having guests.

They don’t sound like particularly nice friends if they allowed you to lavish them in the way you did and the fact they didn’t even give as much as a thank you card.

AhNowTed · 03/04/2024 11:48

OP don't feel bad about saying no.

They will be used to it.

Because you're not the first target and they'll just move on to the next.

People like this have absolutely no shame.

madmumofteens · 03/04/2024 11:49

No is a complete sentence OP sounds like you are a lovely person and they are CFs

TinySmol · 03/04/2024 12:03

"No, we are not able to host you".

Do not say the word sorry.

Cheeky c**ts.

ZebraD · 03/04/2024 12:06

Say yes that would be lovely, here is a list of local hotels for you to stay in. And don’t pay for anything for them!

Ryegait · 03/04/2024 12:09

"How lovely to hear from you!

Unfortunately we aren't in the position to host guests this year. However, if you are visiting the area we'd love to meet up with you one day during your break.
All the best, SammyTheDog"

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2024 12:10

I’m afraid we can’t this year. All the best x

AhNowTed · 03/04/2024 12:12

Honestly, people who will sit on their hands when the bill comes, 5 days on the trot, won't be in the least offended.

Hides of a fucking elephant.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/04/2024 12:13

I think you could have them over again if it works for you, OP, but just be clear that this time it would be every family pays for themselves. Tell them upfront and clearly then they can decide if that's still viable for them and if it is, hold fast - don't pay for them.

If you wanted a preamble you could say that you paid for them this time as a treat but now it's each family paying for themselves. No reason given, no excuses. Includes meals, boat trips, museums... anything that costs money.

That's what I'd do anyway if you liked having them to stay.

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2024 12:15

AhNowTed · 03/04/2024 12:12

Honestly, people who will sit on their hands when the bill comes, 5 days on the trot, won't be in the least offended.

Hides of a fucking elephant.

In fact, they’ll probably turn up on OP’s doorstep anyway.

Roastiesarethebestbit · 03/04/2024 12:16

You don’t have to dress it up and be polite, just say no! These people are piss-takers! And to be honest I think you have to do a bit of self reflection and think how you allowed that to happen! Paying for all their meals and trips out for 5 days is ridiculous and it’s crazy that you allowed it to happen. After 2 days of that maximum, you should have shut up shop and stayed at home serving toast!

MissBPotter · 03/04/2024 12:17

Unfortunately we aren’t prepared to host again last year as you didn’t even bring a gift or pay for your own family activities, which we thought was poor form.

wish you would send something like that op, you are probably too nice to but they deserve to be pulled up on their cheekiness!!

Mirandawrongs · 03/04/2024 12:19

Nu Fone, who dis?

0sm0nthus · 03/04/2024 12:27

MissBPotter · 03/04/2024 12:17

Unfortunately we aren’t prepared to host again last year as you didn’t even bring a gift or pay for your own family activities, which we thought was poor form.

wish you would send something like that op, you are probably too nice to but they deserve to be pulled up on their cheekiness!!

My guess is that on receipt of such a message they will respond by promising to pay their way this time, but this will all only be in service of getting their feet under the table for another free holiday.
#Freeloaders gonna freeload

hottchocolatte · 03/04/2024 12:29

OP, did you intend to pay for everything last time they came and are annoyed they didn't reciprocate your generosity by bringing a gift or offering to pay for a dinner? Or are you annoyed because you had not intended to pay for everything but somehow ended up doing so?

Either way, I would not have them stay again as it sounds like they were not grateful.

Why don't they offer to have you over?

Or if the children get along you could say you're happy to meet up for a day trip if they're staying nearby but not able to host them again this year.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/04/2024 12:32

Or if the children get along you could say you're happy to meet up for a day trip if they're staying nearby but not able to host them again this year.

Yes, this is better.

I assumed that you were in two minds, OP, that was the basis of my post. If it was a definite 'No', you'd just tell them that, surely?

JJathome · 03/04/2024 12:34

Wow, I can’t believe you treated them so much, and paid for everything, and now think it’s mean if you don’t provide them with a free full weeks holiday.

im lost for words.

Molonty · 03/04/2024 12:35

Honestly op, you are an utter mug for allowing this and then on top of that asking if you're mean to say no. Go on then, repeat the same if you don't want to be mean. Or have some respect for yourself and think about what's reasonable.

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/04/2024 12:37

I'd reply with something like. 'We can't afford for you to visit again, last time you didn't spend a penny. I appreciate I should have said something at the time but really you should never have put me in that position'. Then see what they say.

JJathome · 03/04/2024 12:41

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/04/2024 12:37

I'd reply with something like. 'We can't afford for you to visit again, last time you didn't spend a penny. I appreciate I should have said something at the time but really you should never have put me in that position'. Then see what they say.

To be fair I think that’s not ok. The op and her husband didn’t have to pay foe everything. They could easily have said shall we split the bill or we will get this if uou get that. So they bear some responsibility for this.

Nonewclothes2024 · 03/04/2024 12:50

I can't believe you paid for everything for 5 days 😳

Aquamarine1029 · 03/04/2024 13:11

We took them out to dinner almost every night; paid for boats trips, trips to museums etc.

Why. The. Fuck would you do this. It's beyond comprehension. Sorry, but this is all on you. All you had to do was not do any of that.

CoffeeCantata · 03/04/2024 13:29

Yes - suggest it's your turn to come to them!

You don't need this relationship, so I'd just say no (and I'm not good at that, but these aren't people you have to see in your everyday life). They clearly want a free holiday - and what's in it for you?

Autienotnaughtie · 03/04/2024 13:32

Why would you pay for everything? If we were eating out I'd assume the bill is split ditto day trips. Food in the house I'd pay for but that's all. And I would hope to get a thank you gift as they are getting a free break !!

If you like them and want them to come I would be clear and say "I know we treated last time you were here and we were happy to do so but I'm afraid we can't offer that this year everything would need to be split"
Or say no we are busy

Workawayxx · 03/04/2024 13:33

That's crazy that they had a completely free holiday (other than travel to you). Is there some cultural expectation for you or them for that level of hospitality? I'm just trying to wrap my head around who would do that!

I'd either say "Sorry, we have family visiting all this summer" or "sorry, our living situation has changed and we no longer have room for visitors" if you want a more permanent solution.

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