Page 4 | Drunk friend

GingerIsBest · 03/04/2024 23:22

Copperoliverbear · 03/04/2024 23:15

That's why her husband is an alcoholic prick, because she doesn't address his problems and minimises his behaviour, stay away from all of them.

Blaming the wife for the husband's behaviour is completely unreasonable.

Well done for drawing a line under it OP. at the end of the day, she's not ready to truly see his behaviour because it would mean really tough decisions for herself and her dd. It's hard. But you are 100% right to protect yourself and your family.

Original poster

Spencer0220 · 03/04/2024 23:40

Thank you @GingerIsBest 🙃

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Original poster

Spencer0220 · 03/04/2024 23:45

I think my husband and I need more friends

How does one go about making friends irl?

We have a number of acquaintances, but nobody living locally who we'd consider a friend. At least not connected to this couple.

We can't do sport, or join any local walking groups etc.

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SleepPrettyDarling · 03/04/2024 23:48

I thought reading this thread that his wife was asking you to be part of an intervention ie telling him factually what had happened so that she would have an ally in getting him to face up to it. But if she is minimising and dialling it down, she has either lost her nerve and changed her mind, or was always seeking to play it down. You’ve done as much as you can. I’m very sorry this dreadful thing happened you and your husband. Your neighbour is a menace, and his behaviour vile.

Northernsouloldies · 04/04/2024 00:10

Hopefully there are community groups, hobbies you and your husband could join to hopefully expand both your friendship groups... good luck to you both.

Original poster

Spencer0220 · 07/04/2024 03:16

Update in case anyone is still watching:

DH and I were at Tesco tonight. We ran into our ex-friend. He said hello to me, and I said hello back before I clocked who it was. (I was busy searching a shelf.) He saw my husband and his demeanour totally shifted. He put his head RIGHT down, didn't make eye contact and scurried away VERY fast without looking up.

I feel much better now, I was worried he'd try and come round in a few weeks. But I don't think he will now.

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Josette77 · 07/04/2024 04:11

I'm glad he feels shame.

He SHOULD feel shame.

AnxiousRabbit · 07/04/2024 04:24

Spencer0220 · 03/04/2024 03:21

A friend who is alcoholic came to visit us unexpectedly this evening. We didn't realise until he turned up that he was very drunk. He continued to drink (we didn't supply alcohol, neither of us drink).

As he was unable to walk, I phoned his wife as they live in walking distance.

She drove round, and whilst my husband tried to get him out to meet his wife, he first said some VERY vile things about my husband being partially blind (and using a white stick). When my husband didn't leave, he then attempted to punch him and run away. Luckily my husband dodged the blow and managed to get friend to wife's car.

Wife would like me to phone friend tomorrow and explain poor behaviour, as apparently her husband is like this all the time and won't accept the truth.

Honestly, I want to cut the friend out totally. His behaviour was completely unacceptable. My husband was shaking like a leaf all evening. It terrified him as he couldn't really see what was going on.

AIBU to not phone and just cut him out? How would you handle situation? I don't think it's on me to explain to a man 20 years my senior why he can't go around trying to punch people who can't see.

I think YABU
You and your husband need to make it clear how unacceptable it was and what happened.
You can still cut tellies but unless you tell.him.why he won't change

learieonthewildmoor · 07/04/2024 05:34

My dad was an alcoholic. He never tried to punch anyone when he was drunk.
Your ex-friend is a nasty man, even without the drink in him.

Original poster

Spencer0220 · 07/04/2024 05:35

learieonthewildmoor · 07/04/2024 05:34

My dad was an alcoholic. He never tried to punch anyone when he was drunk.
Your ex-friend is a nasty man, even without the drink in him.

I'm sorry you had to live with this. I hope you are okay now.

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UncleHerbie · 07/04/2024 05:39

Josette77 · 03/04/2024 03:37

I personally would show up and tear a strip off him.

I tend to lose my shit though when someone threatens my family. I get a little reactive. 😉

Same. I’d be tearing him a new one with a sit down lawnmower 😡

UncleHerbie · 07/04/2024 05:41

Spencer0220 · 03/04/2024 05:02

I know this is what NEEDS to happen.

But I hate the thought of his wife and daughter struggling alone.

Show quote history

It’s not your circus, and he’s not your monkey

EmmaSummerHat · 07/04/2024 07:33

Sounds like a cry for help from the wife. I’d call him out of support for her, really lay into him and have a right go. Tell him he’s like it whenever he’s drunk and he’d better believe it, no matter who is telling him. Then say you’re both done with him now, and have no choice but to cut him out.

ManchesterBeatrice · 07/04/2024 07:35

Can't believe you lost it AT HER though for his behaviour.

RampantIvy · 07/04/2024 07:47

Spencer0220 · 03/04/2024 23:45

I think my husband and I need more friends

How does one go about making friends irl?

We have a number of acquaintances, but nobody living locally who we'd consider a friend. At least not connected to this couple.

We can't do sport, or join any local walking groups etc.

How about joining a book group? Your husband can listen to audio books if his sight isn't good enough to read.

Original poster

Spencer0220 · 07/04/2024 07:49

EmmaSummerHat · 07/04/2024 07:33

Sounds like a cry for help from the wife. I’d call him out of support for her, really lay into him and have a right go. Tell him he’s like it whenever he’s drunk and he’d better believe it, no matter who is telling him. Then say you’re both done with him now, and have no choice but to cut him out.

It's a bit late for this now. Re: update, I think he knows he behaved wrongly.

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Original poster

Spencer0220 · 07/04/2024 07:51

@RampantIvy, great idea. Thanks. I didn't think about my husband using audiobooks as an alternative medium.

He LOVES audiobooks and I love reading

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coronafiona · 07/04/2024 08:49

@Spencer0220 there is an app called be my eyes it FaceTimes volunteers when someone with low vision can't see something. Might be worth a try.

I think you've handled it really well. Alcoholism is a disease and he'll never get better. You are better off without him. For friends try groups like WI or siroptimists, or set up a super group with your eye department maybe?

learieonthewildmoor · 07/04/2024 11:45

Spencer0220: Thanks for your kind thoughts. Yes, it was difficult but I was at least spared the spectacle of violence and abuse. I am okay now.

catgirl1976 · 07/04/2024 11:49

I feel very sorry for his wife and she’s obviously hoping you telling
Him about his behaviour will get him to accept a problem as he won’t hear it from her but it’s not your mess to sort out.

I would maybe encourage the wife to contact some support organisations (and leave him if she can) but it’s not your problem to fix and he’s not going to have a road to Damascus revelation and change on the back of you speaking to him sadly

Original poster

Spencer0220 · 07/04/2024 14:35

coronafiona · 07/04/2024 08:49

@Spencer0220 there is an app called be my eyes it FaceTimes volunteers when someone with low vision can't see something. Might be worth a try.

I think you've handled it really well. Alcoholism is a disease and he'll never get better. You are better off without him. For friends try groups like WI or siroptimists, or set up a super group with your eye department maybe?

I'm actually on Be My Eyes as a volunteer. Great project.

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UncleHerbie · 08/04/2024 14:30

Spencer0220 · 03/04/2024 19:50

Thanks everyone

Onwards and upwards.

Looks like daughter has blocked me too.

The rubbish took itself out. Good riddance to bad rubbish 😉