Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Too soon to get engaged?

80 replies

SleepyHollowed84 · 02/04/2024 21:15

My younger sister is 28 and got out of a 7 year long relationship in December 2022. She met her new boyfriend (aged 25) on a dating app one year ago. As soon as they met they became exclusive and have just celebrated one year together.

They are talking about getting engaged next year.

We have just had a big argument because I have expressed concern that it is moving too fast and I was asking what's the rush? She argues that when you know it's right, it's right. I worry that they haven't known each other long enough to make that big decision, especially given it was only 3 months between a big break up and a new relationship starting.

AIBU to think knowing someone for 2 years is too quick to commit to marriage?

Or should I keep my nose out of it?

YABU - it's none of your business
YANBU - it seems to be moving quite fast

Grateful for any opinions. I don't want this to come between us but I only want what's best for her.

OP posts:

Cheeesus · 02/04/2024 21:17

Sounds average to me.

Row23 · 02/04/2024 21:18

I’d say you know pretty quickly if you want to marry someone. 2 years is fine.

Eloraa · 02/04/2024 21:18

II thought you were going to say 2 months. 2 years is fine!

Scarletttulips · 02/04/2024 21:18

I think you have a cheek telling a 28 year old what she can or can’t do. It’s none of your business.

Longer relationships don’t mean happier marriages!

Itloggedmeoutagain · 02/04/2024 21:20

2 years is perfectly fine

MegMarchHare · 02/04/2024 21:20

"Taking about getting engaged next year" means nothing much. Well, it means purposeful courtship, I suppose, and there's nothing wrong with that. She knows her own heart, and surely you'd rather this than have her questioning why the latest dickhead from Tinder hasn't texted?

WandaWonder · 02/04/2024 21:20

A year is fine but you are being controlling anyway

WimpoleHat · 02/04/2024 21:20

She’s 28! By that age, you know pretty quickly whether someone’s a keeper or not….

Createausername1970 · 02/04/2024 21:20

I think you have to respect her decision - unless there is anything you know about the boyfriend that rings alarm bells.

if you genuinely feel it's going to go pear shaped, then the best thing you can do is be around to support your sister when it does, but she isn't going to confide in you if you have upset her at this point.

Investinmyself · 02/04/2024 21:21

It sounds fine not rushed. So together a year, engaged next year after 2 years together and then a wedding probably a year or so after that. Your sister will be 30 at that point and if she’s wanting children it’s a pretty normal age to be thinking about a family.
7 years and not engaged or married if one party wants to be is a long time.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 02/04/2024 21:21

I was 17 and we’d been dating for 6 weeks when i got engaged, worked out ok

i think 2 years is fine..plus it might be a long engagement

Crazycatlady79 · 02/04/2024 21:21

If I were your sister, I would have felt hurt and angry by your response.

TheSnowyOwl · 02/04/2024 21:21

Your sister probably grew up a lot during her last relationship and now knows what she wants.

YABU. It’s not your place to decide upon a suitable length of time or make comments to her about your views. She’s happy. Isn’t that what most people want for their siblings?

BoohooWoohoo · 02/04/2024 21:22

I think you know by the 2 year mark whether or not you want the relationship to be long term or not.

How long is their engagement likely to be ?

BashfulClam · 02/04/2024 21:23

I moved in after 3 months, engaged at 6 months…still together 17 years later. Met my husband when we were 28. When you know, you know. 2 years is fine, I’d even say a year is perfect.

isitbananatimealready · 02/04/2024 21:24

DH and I got engaged after just 3 months together. We've managed a quarter of a century of marriage so far.

Imbackfor1timeonly · 02/04/2024 21:24

When you know, you know. We got married less than 2 years after dating. Been married 23 years now.

Original poster

SleepyHollowed84 · 02/04/2024 21:24

Thank you for all of your responses so far.

I feel jaded about the whole thing because I really haven't warmed to him. Amongst other things he keeps making jokes about her lack of intelligence, and has made comments before about the value of our house/car/etc (he comes from a very different class background to my family). I think he's immature, quite frankly, and this is his first 'proper' relationship.

So I think this is clouding my view but I appreciate she is old enough to make her own judgement.

OP posts:

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/04/2024 21:25

They've been together a year after talking about getting engaged after two, then there's usually at least a year before a wedding (3+ total), by which time your sister is in her thirties. Why on earth would you think this is too quick?

bakewellbride · 02/04/2024 21:27

My BIL got engaged to someone after knowing her for 2 weeks (yes really) so I guess you'd hate him 🤣that was over ten years ago and they are very happily married with 3 kids.

I got engaged at the 3 year mark but if he'd have asked at 2 years I would've been over the moon and said yes.

It's just a really personal thing. No way would I judge another couples decision.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/04/2024 21:28

Just read your update, so it's nothing to do with timeframe, you don't like him. Be honest about that, tell your sister is not the time frame, I don't like the way he makes fun at your expense and makes comments about our family not being as wealthy as his, I just want the best for you. TBH if your assessment of him is accurate it won't last until a wedding anyway.

Zanatdy · 02/04/2024 21:29

My best friend was engaged within 6 months, married at 18 months and celebrates 14yrs married this year. It’s actually none of your business and sounds pretty average to me

ViciousCurrentBun · 02/04/2024 21:29

I was engaged after 5 months, it’s our 25 year wedding anniversary in a couple of months.

I lost a friend I really cared about because I didn’t like her BF, he was very abusive though so I stand by that. If you really think he is abusive then say something but beware the risk.

CheshireCats · 02/04/2024 21:31

I got engaged after 6 months. Married 12 months after that. Been happily married 20 years now....
I think you need to butt out of your sister's relationship.

mitogoshi · 02/04/2024 21:38

My friend got engaged after 6 weeks. They stayed together until is death 42 years later

Flip

1 2 3 4