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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and ironing issue

66 replies

Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 10:51

4th day of DH and I being off together and as usual when we spend too much time around each other we have been bickering and arguing abit.

This morning he is doing the ironing.He independently decided to get on with it, which is great compared to some blokes, yes, but don't think he deserves brownie points for that really as it should be the case anyway.

I went upstairs to get something and he walked through with one of DD's dresses, which was still full of creases, so mentioned to him that I noticed it still had creases in it.
He was slightly defensive but went to iron it again, and said the iron hadn't been hot enough the first time- fine.
When he told me that, I then responded that 'hopefully everything else already ironed doesn't have creases in it then' (as the iron was on too low before) he then gets all stroppy saying I can do it all myself if I'm going to say funny comments and he is not good enough, then slams the door crossly.

He is now up there, still getting on with it, clearly in a mood.

I think he is being over-sensitive and told him so, but AIBU?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 01/04/2024 10:53

If he did this to you would it have been fine?

User79853257976 · 01/04/2024 10:53

Things need to be done well, not just ‘done’, so I get it.

ErrolTheDragon · 01/04/2024 10:54

Sounds like you're both BU . If this is a normal pattern maybe you need to plan to do some things separately over long weekends?

DoYouSmokePaul · 01/04/2024 10:55

Ugh! This is so annoying. What a waste of time to iron but still a have creases. You need to be firm! You asked him to iron them, not pretend to. If there re creases, he hasn’t done it! Just like if the dinner was raw you haven’t really cooked it have you.

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2024 10:55

Do you usually argue over nothing like that?

Original poster
Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 10:57

WandaWonder · 01/04/2024 10:53

If he did this to you would it have been fine?

Possibly not....but then I would never have put an item of clothing away that badly creased :-/

OP posts:
NCA24 · 01/04/2024 10:58

I think you're bloody rude and have asked you to do it yourself then.

If you needed to say something I would have said "think this one has been missed, shout when you're done and I'll redo it".

I assume he's ironing his own clothes so a bit of an own goal if he's done it badly?

exerciseshmexercise · 01/04/2024 10:58

I would never iron anything for anyone but myself after that comment. You would be doing all the kids ironing going forward.

Original poster
Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 10:58

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2024 10:55

Do you usually argue over nothing like that?

Yep....all the time 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Rosestulips · 01/04/2024 10:59

I iron as I need, no issue

it’s a bank holiday, it’s not worth getting g stressed over

WarshipRocinante · 01/04/2024 10:59

If it’s just his stuff, he can do what he likes. But if he is doing this chore for the family then he needs to do it properly. I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy if you volunteered to cook dinner and then served raw chicken coz you couldn’t be bothered heating the pan.

Stuff needs to be done properly and he sounds like an idiot to have seen it was ironing out flat but just carried on without fixing the heat.

Original poster
Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 11:02

NCA24 · 01/04/2024 10:58

I think you're bloody rude and have asked you to do it yourself then.

If you needed to say something I would have said "think this one has been missed, shout when you're done and I'll redo it".

I assume he's ironing his own clothes so a bit of an own goal if he's done it badly?

Not his own- it was our daughters dress.
Trouble is I don't know why I should re-do something he should have done properly to begin with.

OP posts:
exerciseshmexercise · 01/04/2024 11:03

Why are you with someone who when you spend time around each other you are bickering and arguing?

That's what jumps out at me.

KreedKafer · 01/04/2024 11:04

If someone critiqued my ironing I’d tell them to do bloody well do it themselves if they weren’t happy with it, so I’m Team DH

Notimeforaname · 01/04/2024 11:09

You were rude and wouldn't like a comment like that from him. If you're both always bickering, you're 50% of the problem. Sort yourself out.

KreedKafer · 01/04/2024 11:13

Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 11:02

Not his own- it was our daughters dress.
Trouble is I don't know why I should re-do something he should have done properly to begin with.

Show quote history

Your idea of ‘properly’ is obviously different from his and you sound hyper picky to me, so yes, if you’re fussy enough to stress about a crease in a child’s dress, a crease that will probably fall out when it’s hung up anyway, then do the ironing yourself.

My DP has issues with the way I do laundry. Therefore he does the laundry. I have issues with the way he cleans the bathroom, therefore I clean the bathroom.

WarshipRocinante · 01/04/2024 11:19

KreedKafer · 01/04/2024 11:13

Your idea of ‘properly’ is obviously different from his and you sound hyper picky to me, so yes, if you’re fussy enough to stress about a crease in a child’s dress, a crease that will probably fall out when it’s hung up anyway, then do the ironing yourself.

My DP has issues with the way I do laundry. Therefore he does the laundry. I have issues with the way he cleans the bathroom, therefore I clean the bathroom.

Show quote history

Their ideas of properly aren’t different through. The guy new is was still creased and not actually ironed, he even said he has the iron turned down too low so the creases didn’t come out. He knew it… looked at it… then decided “fuck it” because he couldn’t be bothered doing it properly. If he genuinely thought it was fine, then that’s a different issue. But he knew he hasn’t done the ironing, and was hanging up the clothes anyway rather than fix his mistake. And it didn’t just affect him; his kids have to look unkempt because of him? No. Do your job properly.

Corinthiana · 01/04/2024 11:22

You were rude.
The ironing isn't the issue, though, is it?
Why do you argue all the time when you're off together, instead of enjoying each other's company?
That's what you need to talk about.

goldfriarsbabby · 01/04/2024 11:27

Both BU for owning an iron.

I haven't ironed anything since 2011, absolute waste of time, especially for children's clothes.

BIossomtoes · 01/04/2024 11:29

DoYouSmokePaul · 01/04/2024 10:55

Ugh! This is so annoying. What a waste of time to iron but still a have creases. You need to be firm! You asked him to iron them, not pretend to. If there re creases, he hasn’t done it! Just like if the dinner was raw you haven’t really cooked it have you.

It’s his time he’s wasting. He wasn’t even asked to do the ironing. I’d be so pissed off if someone did what OP did.

Original poster
Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 11:31

exerciseshmexercise · 01/04/2024 11:03

Why are you with someone who when you spend time around each other you are bickering and arguing?

That's what jumps out at me.

Its usually just low level stuff.We have a good solid relationship in general.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 11:32

goldfriarsbabby · 01/04/2024 11:27

Both BU for owning an iron.

I haven't ironed anything since 2011, absolute waste of time, especially for children's clothes.

Haha! Please enlighten me how you avoid the arduous bloody task 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 11:33

Corinthiana · 01/04/2024 11:22

You were rude.
The ironing isn't the issue, though, is it?
Why do you argue all the time when you're off together, instead of enjoying each other's company?
That's what you need to talk about.

It's just stressful having so much stuff to do around the house and for the kids....we don't really get any time to enjoy ourselves/do our own thing/spend time together.

OP posts:
VainAbigail · 01/04/2024 11:33

Mummyof287 · 01/04/2024 11:32

Haha! Please enlighten me how you avoid the arduous bloody task 😅

Show quote history

Fold straight from the tumble drier. Job done.

Magnastorm · 01/04/2024 11:35

Just sounds like one of those little squabbles that people have.

You didn't mean anything much by what you said, he took it slightly the wrong way. It's no big deal.

That said, stop ironing. It's pointless.