DH and ironing issue

[Mummyof287]

4th day of DH and I being off together and as usual when we spend too much time around each other we have been bickering and arguing abit.

This morning he is doing the ironing.He independently decided to get on with it, which is great compared to some blokes, yes, but don't think he deserves brownie points for that really as it should be the case anyway.

I went upstairs to get something and he walked through with one of DD's dresses, which was still full of creases, so mentioned to him that I noticed it still had creases in it.
He was slightly defensive but went to iron it again, and said the iron hadn't been hot enough the first time- fine.
When he told me that, I then responded that 'hopefully everything else already ironed doesn't have creases in it then' (as the iron was on too low before) he then gets all stroppy saying I can do it all myself if I'm going to say funny comments and he is not good enough, then slams the door crossly.

He is now up there, still getting on with it, clearly in a mood.

I think he is being over-sensitive and told him so, but AIBU?

Sometimes the clothes come out of the TD fine, other times creased.Maybe I need to look at which setting it is on, or get some of those spiky balls.

Yabu. Who wants someone to backseat iron for them.
Ironing isn't even a nessiccary job - I only iron smart occasionall clothes. If there's a few creases in something the world won't end. I would have put the iron down and told you to do it yourself if you were that bothered.

Honestly it's unhealthy to nit pick at each other like this. It's not normal to be bickering so much after a few days at home together. Your relationship is going to fall apart over very pointless tasks like ironing in the long run

You're both being unreasonable for arguing over a totally pointless job.

But it's not nice to pick at someone for not doing something to your standards. DH complained about how I did his washing once - I haven't touched it since and that was 4+ years ago

Yes my first thought was 'you iron'?

I think it should become a thing of the past. I can't remember the last time I ironed anything.

But then I suppose you'll be bickering about the dishwasher or similar.

I agree you both need to get out of the house individually or together

Or just don't bother? Creases fall out after a bit of wear.

The only thing I iron is on the very, very rare occasion I need to dress smartly.

Other than that, nope. Life is too short.

I think you have highlighted the bigger issue. I am another non ironer - I couldn’t care less if a dress had some creases and wouldn’t buy one that creased easily. You aren’t getting time together and are irritating each other - what can you do to change that? Outsource something, lower standards, timetable your fun time? Do something!

This sounds frustrating for both of you. It’s hard when dc are young and the chores feel never ending.

I think this is one of those situations where, if the roles were reversed and you were posting about your dh criticising your ironing, the responses would be quite different.

If I was in his shoes, I would just refuse to iron anything other than his own clothes from that point forward

I believe that people should do what they’re better at. I’m better at ironing than DH. He’s way better at cooking and washing the floors and cleaning the car and mostly gardening. As well as tech stuff. I’m better at bathrooms and noticing dust.

Any story that includes ironing is unreasonable. I didn’t realise people under 80 still ironed.
someone nitpicking at me over a completely pointless task would piss me off too. Why argue when there’s so many nicer things to do?!

You didn't realise people under 80 still ironed @Solocup ? How strange. Stranger still is the implicit criticism, and weird age reference.
Some of us don't wfh or don't spend all day in leggings and sweatshirts, or wear drip dry polyester.
I have to look smart for work and like natural fabrics, so I will iron my clothes so that I am neat and presentable.

Sod the ironing and your nitpicking for a sec.

Four days together and you're bickering and arguing? That's not normal. Why are you married to someone you don't get on with to the extent that four measly days in each other's company is enough for you to be actually falling out over something as innocuous as ironing?

Exactly, @MonsteraMama - that was my question upthread.
It's not the ironing, it's the relationship.

You were both unreasonable

DH was unreasonable for doing a poor job

You were unreasonable for your second comment about hoping everything else isn't creased- it sounds like you hadn't seen the rest of the ironing at this point and is passive aggressive

DH was unreasonable to huff off after this comment (though I can understand why he did)

However, this all largely insignificant when you mention this is only an example of ongoing bickering between between you two, and points to larger relationship problems that need working out

My ex never ironed because it was a woman's work, so I stopped ironing his stuff and he was happy to go around looking like he'd just got out of bed.
The worst of this was that after a long period of unemployment during which I had to pay for everything, he went to the interview in a horribly crumpled shirt and a suit that looked like he has been keeping it screwed up under the mattress.
He didn't get the job. I said what do you expect looking like that. You haven't brushed your hair or cleaned your teeth and you look like you slept in your clothes. He thought this was quite normal.

DP and I don't live together yet.
But I spend ages ironing my family's clothes.
On the other hand, he does his washing on a 30 min quick wash-spins hangs all the hangable clothes on hangers and dries with a dehumidifier. Very few creases.

We do differ on how to vacuum though but it's not an argument or a bicker. More of an observation. sharing a technique.

It's pretty easy.

1. Sell or give away your iron and ironing board.
2. Don't buy another one.
3. Put notes all over your house saying "I must not buy, borrow or steal an iron. I must not buy, borrow or steal an iron."
4. Get hypnotherapy to help you through if the above doesn't work.

I have a handheld steamer just in case I might need to get creases out of a clothing item, but I can also use it as a household cleaner so I use it more for that so it doesn't go to waste. Bonus because it cleans naturally, no artificial chemicals to be spraying around your home.

We do get on okay most of the time, but are just quite a bickery sort of couple, always have been.
Both quite stubborn and sensitive.
Things are much better than in lockdown when we were having actual rows because we were together 24/7 for months.We got relationship therapy for that and now the arguments are low level and blow over quite quickly.

We have got on with the day now and got out to the park with the girls for abit which helped.
He did half the ironing I'm doing some more later on.

For some reason our clothes just creaS alot, but in future, I am going to try and change the tumble dryer settings to cut down the ironing pile as tbh it's a PITA.

It doesn’t sound like something worth arguing over - pick your battles. I’ve never ironed my kids clothes and it’s never been a problem. They spend a lot of time in the park or playing out at school/nursery anyway, getting mud on themselves. I doubt teachers are interested in whether kids have a few creases in their clothes or not!

Why are you in a relationship which results in arguments if you spend too much time together you argue - it's only been a 4 day weekend! This sounds dreadful, for you and your children 😬

Edited to add I just saw @MonsteraMama post. Glad I'm not the only one thinking this.

Yo be honest, I'd be annoyed if DH was critiquing my ironing and would probably snap at him too

I mean ok, if you want to be in a bickery relationship that's your prerogative I suppose, but there are better ways of communicating which marriage counselling should have taught you. I'm very stubborn and sensitive too but I don't bicker or argue with my husband about ironing.

I'll just say I hope you're not doing it in front of your kids. I grew up with bickery parents who were constantly picking and sniping at eachother over stupid shit that doesn't matter and it's bloody horrible and exhausting as a child.

I'm probably very petty, but I'm afraid I would tell you to do it yourself and possibly never iron anything again. If it's not done how you want it, you fix it.

A relationship with constant bickering sounds horrible. I had this with an ex and we only lasted about six months living together.

I genuinely don't know where my iron is.

Honestly I'd have been annoyed as well - a crease in a child's dress isn't going to make any difference, and if you're fussy about these things then you need to learn to let it go without comment, or do it yourself.

I think it is rather tragic that you can't spend time together without bickering or arguing.