Found first baby holiday so stressful

[Gretnafrew]

Booked a short UK break in Lakes with 11 month old baby, DH and dog. First holiday together for all of us and really looked forward to it.

Planned out one activity and dog/ family friendly restaurant lunch per day but in the end plans just went out the window as we found it harder to do baby's routine in new place and it just wasn't enjoyable. We were both exhausted by 6pm and ready to go to bed at same time as baby.

We've ended up coming home early and I feel like a bit of a failure tbh. I wasn't expecting anything super relaxing but I feel like we struggled to adapt even though DH is very hands on and we brought all the items we could think of for baby.

We could manage things like a short walk in baby carrier or stroll around nearby town with pram but going a bit further to do something for several hours like a day trip just felt like too much. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations but I've seen/ heard of others doing similar without too much trouble.

I've probably seen too many travel Instagram accounts where they make travelling with a baby look like a breeze and just really wanted to start doing some trips together.

Maybe IBU and just don't know how to travel with baby or was I silly to try and plan too much? We're not planning anymore holidays for a while now as feels like a waste of money but I'm feeling like a bit of a rubbish mum for not being able to take baby on trips successfully and finding it all so stressful.

We find holidays with our DS quite stressful too. And the worst time was between 8 - 13 months as he crawled, climbed and pulled on everything in sight. We have to remove everything from his reach so hate places with ornaments and decor etc. He hasn't been in a carrier since 4 months he screams the street down in it. He needs to be moving all day long other than naps. We can't eat out with him etc. It's totally dependent on the child (sorry superior mums who think you've smashed it...).

We are braving another holiday with him but this time have booked somewhere specifically for pre-school children with a farm, soft play and ride on toys. We don't ever plan days out anymore but will aim to leave early to do something in the morning and get home for lunchtime nap. Then there's a hot tub we can relax in during his nap. We usually book places with a hot tub now because it makes us feel relaxed and it's a special treat! We get in during his nap and after 7pm when he's asleep.

Maybe booking a specific toddler friendly place would help? Look on Kiddie Holidays, we found our one there x

In fairness it was my routine that saved our holidays ! So we knew for eg that they would take a 2 hour nap in the buggy in the shade, that was our chance to have a sunbathe, swim etc (separately!). Likewise our babies slept in the buggy at night while we ate then transferred to the dark room while we chatted on the balcony. Routine was key for me...

I might be unusual but I never bothered with holidays until my DCs were school age. It was too stressful. My ex never helped with parenting so I would just be doing the same shit in a different (unfamiliar) place. It was easier to stay at home.

I'd say holidays have only started to become enjoyable with my 3 year old twins in the last 6 months or so but still requires a bit of planning and adapting depending on weather and moods and excess energy - it's not a holiday for me though and I don't think it will be for many years to come 😂

They are stressful. I'd either not bother or do self catering close to a beach or park.

The one upside I found is that I couldn't look around and think 'I must put the washing away' or 'look at that cobweb' .

Same here. We just went for one night away in the UK with baby and it took longer to pack and unpack than the time spent away 😂 not worth it. Then there's the added stress of finding somewhere suitable to eat/pram friendly walks/planning around nap times and feeding times. Definitely not relaxing!

We didn't go abroad until ds was 3 as I didn't want to have to worry about cots, nappies, and pushchairs. Before that, we stayed in self-catering cottages/flats. Generally, uk seaside resorts. We had a great time. Lots do do in walking distance, trips to the farm, beach, play park or a trip on a boat. We took our own travel cot. Mostly took picnic lunches with us out. Ds slept through from 6 weeks so no night wake ups, even on holiday. Don't give up holidaying.

Good way of looking at it.

In many ways, it’s harder due to changed routines, tiredness etc.

People post on instagram literally the best 'moment' of their day. In any one day we probably all have a picture perfect moment (or one we could manufacture) to take a picture of. The other 23 hours, 59 minutes could be a total shit show. This is what I try to remember - if I posted the 'best' second of my day what would it be, and what assumptions would my audience make?!

I agreee re holidays. I also found the Lakes different with a baby of a very similar age. We used to do a lot of walking and I was worried about just putting her in a back pack and walking without doing something to actively entertain her.

We're going back to lakes next week actuallly. We've decided to take it slowly, and pace activities. So a bit of her walking up a hill and then a bit of a carry, lots of stops for nature pottering, snacks. But yeh holidays with a toddler are not relaxing by any stretch! But these are the days, and one day the relaxation holidays will be back and will probably miss the small kid days.

But take heart. I don't know anyone who finds holidays with small children easy. Expectation management is key.

Because DH was a farmer I took the DCs on holiday with my parents, self catering in Wales, Devon, Hampshire, Cornwall. Because I had realistic expectations it actually went really well and I even took my nephew as well a couple of times.
I always planned to be near a beach, local shop and ensured there was an enclosed garden.
I never considered going abroad although my DS and his family have been doing it since the DGCs were tiny babies and they seem to have managed without too much trouble.
I think it’s all down to your expectations.

I think it depends on the dc as we’ve done all sorts with ours and it’s been fine - cottages, sun holidays, theme parks etc. I wouldn’t take little ones on long flights in case they screamed the plane down for hours or for cultural city breaks except London (because the museums are free so if they kick off you don’t feel like it’s cost you 40 euros to look at one statue).

We’ve tended to fit our activities around what the dc like, so if they like trains we go on a train, animals we go to a farm or zoo etc. Once they’re crawling and walking we avoided quiet restaurants you sit down in for a long time but that doesn’t mean you can’t eat nice food. Also we don’t expect late nights on the cocktails anymore but I can’t do that myself now anyway 😁

Nothing on social media is accurate so there is literally no point comparing yourself to someone’s fake version of a life that doesn’t exist. I’m sure you will have enjoyable holidays in the future 😊

I fell for this.
A holiday is not a holiday if I'm cooking.

I'm feeling like a bit of a rubbish mum for not being able to take baby on trips successfully and finding it all so stressful you are totally normal. Babies are easiest at home, in routine with everything you need around you. Don't even think of staying a hotel where you haven't got anywhere to retreat (apart from possibly the bathroom) once your baby is asleep. And even a one hour time difference if you try to go further afield will take ages to adjust to. We adapted by prioritising lovely self catering accommodation so we didn't feel the need to be out all the time, staying somewhere where we could easily strap the kids in a pushchair and go straight out of the door for a stroll and adapting activities to their schedule - which can work in your favour in some busy places! Getting out on the streets at 6am for a bit of sightseeing in busy tourist cities means you miss the crowds. I remember some young German's offering to take a family photo of us in front of the Brandenburg Gate at 7am on a bright morning and asking them why they were up so early - they replied that they were still up from the night before which I felt perfectly exemplified the adjustment that needed to be made. We had a relaxed breakfast in an empty cafe and then went home for a snooze.

It depends on the child, circumstances and what you find fun /a good holiday.

We always had good holidays/mini breaks and DD was the baby/toddler that wouldn't eat or sleep . I even took her by myself to visit friend/family abroad and all over the UK. But my idea of a good holiday is seen as pure hell by some people and I have low standards/I'm easily entertained.

My first one will have been abroad five times before age three and the second baby is about to fly at 4 months for the first time.

I found the first trip abroad exhausting but that had nothing to do with us being abroad, he was a difficult sleeper at home, too. The other trips went really well and I definitely prefer traveling with kids to staying at home.

The key is to know what you want to do, broadly speaking, but not plan too much. We were in a local bazaar in Turkey and he kicked off in the pram so got a new toy from the stalls asap, bribing him intensely for a couple of days won’t ruin his character :D Most of the time he liked watching what was going on in the bazaars. Then his dad took him to run around a local park when I sat down enjoying a take away coffee, or we bought ice cream. We popped back in the hotel for naps if he didn’t like the pram but usually he dozed off there eventually. NONE of this was planned or scheduled, the only thing was that we wanted to see x area, and then were very flexible there. It was a lovely day.

Never book resorts for heavens sake lol they’re miles away so what will you do if you’ve pre-paid to eat at certain times there (traveling back and forth), or need to pop into your room quickly (but can’t because too far)? Nightmare! Better to stay in city centre or old town and return for naps or quiet time when needed. It means you can conveniently return to that same bazaar later on or another day, instead of losing out if you needed to leave early. City centre also allows you to eat/snack out immediately when needed with a lot of places to choose from.

We’re already planning ahead how to entertain him in the next flight. He’ll get a few of these felt activity books or books with pop out features, he’ll be bored with normal old books. Need to find some new sweet snacks he’s never tried before to keep him quiet and interested. Dad walks around airport whilst I stand in baggage queue and comes when I call him. Hula hoops will be rationed one by one when he’s strapped in the pram in the long security queue, and we might just make it without hissy fits. Download two movie in advance so you can swap to another one after losing interest in five mins. It is relentless proactive entertaining and eating when needed but it’s worth it for us as life is too short to sit at home.

And before anyone says it, yes I know this might not work with kids who have neurodiversity, or those who have a routine down to half an hour slots. We have an approximate routine at home in that he eats and naps at some point during maybe a two hour window, depending on what he needs. Night sleep is set at home, so hotels are easy when he’s ready knock out anyways.

We first took a ‘proper’ holiday with Dds when they were 3 and 3 months.
Beach holiday, it was fine. Baby was a reasonable sleeper and spent a fair bit of time in her pram under a shady tree - when I wasn’t sitting with her by the pool. 3 year old could already swim, and wore herself out by spending most of the day in the pool.

Couldn’t get 3 year old in the sea at all, so dh and I took turns by the pool, so we could enjoy sea swims/water-skiing.

It was your first holiday with a child so yes it's quite a reality check.

With every holiday you have you will learn what to do differently for the next one, and maybe one day in the distant future holidays will become relaxing and carefree again 😆

I have a 3 and 1 year old. My husband is talking about a holiday abroad. It's filling me with dread just thinking about it.

It depends on what you like from a holiday! I'd say 'never book in the old town for God's sake' as you're too far from the beach / pool to cool down. We reared water babies who liked sandcastles and water and to this day hate all shopping and markets. But I think if you do a rough version of what you like it'll be fine with loads of breaks. And a definite YES to any pet farms / playgrounds / kid centred places. One of our best hotels had a playground beside the bar where the kids could play after dark when it was cool and the parents had a drink and a chat. Everyone tired and home at 10pm.

Yeah it depends where you’re going, we stayed in a city centre hotel with a small outdoor pool in Antalya so convenient to pop out to the main streets but could swim, too. Day trips to the beach were easy anyway because it’s a sea side town. I like mixing beaches with seeing local culture, all doable with kids. I hate playcentres, plus can do that at home.

Not to side track the thread, but I genuinely felt baffled when another couple we met on a bus on route back to town said it was the first and only time they’d been to the actual city on their seven day holiday. They’d been in the resort the whole time! Never seen the actual country! I’ve got to say I like doing it all and it’s all doable with kids. Other people just like the beach but I feel it gets boring after a couple of days.

We went for a weekend away when my now 5 year old DS was 7 weeks old. We hired an air b and b and it was lovely - probably because he was so tiny it didn't make any difference to him!

We then did a couple more holidays before covid hit (he was 14 months then)

We then went abroad when he was just over 3 and then the following year at 4. They were both lovely holidays and he was well behaved, maybe we were just lucky! Number 2 is due any day now and we are booked in to an air b and b for a week beginning of August, let's hope this baby is as easy as DS! Lol

It sounds like maybe your babies routine is a bit too rigid....which is fine but makes it very hard to flex it.
Try and work on a less rigid routine with cues rather than fixed sequence of events.
But yes you have to plan your days around the baby....I wouldnt really plan a full day out unless it was essential. And would always do shorter trips.

A lot of people are talking about disruptions to routine. Yes, that can be an issue (sleeping in the car and not at the destination, for example) but for me, the issues were more about feeding and baby proofing. It was just a faff to sort out bottles in a tiny hotel sink. In some ways, it was even worse when DH insisted on lugging the steam sterilizer and perfect prep machine with us.

But babyproofing was an absolute nightmare! A mobile toddler is understandable curious and wants to explore. Especially when you are lugging tonnes of crap in from the car and need to leave the door open. Power outlets and cables are exposed. Knives are within reach in the kitchenette. The shower is too slippery for a toddler but too small for an adult to join the toddler. Walking around barefoot, your feet get dirty from the carpet and then you start to wonder about the hygiene of everything! And, to top it all off, you can’t find Bluey on the TV!

Thanks for all the comments.

To answer some Qs Baby is generally a good sleeper/ eater and we try not to be too rigid with routine but I'm finding the transition into mostly solid food and less formula tough as sometimes it feels like a guessing game of when and how much milk to give. Also been teething so that didn't help at night.

Dog was also a bit unsettled being in new place

We took our 4&6 year olds abroad this summer for the first time and glad we waited until no naps/no prams/both eat food/ can swim age!

Maybe leave the dog at home.
Also go away with friends. It's easier.
Stay in a villa or apartment.
Abroad where it's warm is better.