Found first baby holiday so stressful

[Gretnafrew]

Booked a short UK break in Lakes with 11 month old baby, DH and dog. First holiday together for all of us and really looked forward to it.

Planned out one activity and dog/ family friendly restaurant lunch per day but in the end plans just went out the window as we found it harder to do baby's routine in new place and it just wasn't enjoyable. We were both exhausted by 6pm and ready to go to bed at same time as baby.

We've ended up coming home early and I feel like a bit of a failure tbh. I wasn't expecting anything super relaxing but I feel like we struggled to adapt even though DH is very hands on and we brought all the items we could think of for baby.

We could manage things like a short walk in baby carrier or stroll around nearby town with pram but going a bit further to do something for several hours like a day trip just felt like too much. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations but I've seen/ heard of others doing similar without too much trouble.

I've probably seen too many travel Instagram accounts where they make travelling with a baby look like a breeze and just really wanted to start doing some trips together.

Maybe IBU and just don't know how to travel with baby or was I silly to try and plan too much? We're not planning anymore holidays for a while now as feels like a waste of money but I'm feeling like a bit of a rubbish mum for not being able to take baby on trips successfully and finding it all so stressful.

Yup, total waste of time and money

It's the same shit, but in a hotel, unreliable environment

Worst when they're toddlers tbh cos you're just constantly looking for somewhere for them to burn off the excess energy

Maybe I had unrealistic expectations but I've seen/ heard of others doing similar without too much trouble

^

Meh.

You have to keep things manageable for yourself, and not do what you think others are doing. Otherwise it's just stressful

So glad its not just me!

I think when it dawned on us it was just the same shit in a tiny holiday cottage, we realised we'd be better just going home early.

Not sure why I thought the routine would be any different on holiday. Lesson learned!

Yes I've definitely learned lesson. We'd not had any holidays since baby was born and I was desperate to book somewhere to travel as a family but once we were there just wanted to get home where routine is easier.

I have a 3yr and a 5month old and won’t be going on holiday until they are much older. We did exactly the same as you with our first and were completely exhausted. My friends and colleagues that go on holiday with toddlers have also experienced lack of sleep as the child can’t adjust to the different bed/space/time difference and then they pick up a bug from the plane or holiday location so they are unwell once they return. It all sounds so stressful and just not worth it for me. I’m sure some nice memories are made. We have stuck to my mum looking after my eldest and me and my husband have gone away for a 2 days and 1 night ourselves somewhere local and had a lovely time! Maybe try that next time!

It’s not just you!

It is just not fun to have to do the same shit in a new, unfamiliar location with unknown risks and equipment.

DH and I both loved travel prebaby. So we have tried more than once post baby.

First time, packed the car to the gills with pretty much everything we had at home. Our beautiful, chilled out baby cried nonstop for 3 hours while we took it in shifts to eat dinner at a restaurant. Eating alone isn’t fun on holiday. Especially when you can see your crying child being pushed in a pram in the other side of the street. Food does not taste good after that.

Next time, DC had a melt down on arrival to the hotel. I think DC was overdue a feed and tired and travel had messed up our routine. The pool was too cold to take a baby in. I couldn’t do the stuff I would usually do so I was bored to tears.

Last time, my now mobile toddler was playing in a cot with some toys because the hotel room was impossible to baby proof. My little genius decided to pile up the toys and climb out. I caught her just as she was tipping over the side. We co-slept that night and went home the next morning.

NEVER AGAIN!

And the downside is that we had finally figured out how to pack what we needed (a lot less than the first trip) in the car. 🙄

Oh god..its just the contrast of holidays pre baby and post baby. We hated our first one. It just takes a while for it to sink in that holidays will never be the same again (until they leave home!).
DH and I now have a pact that we never ever go away with a couple that are on their first holiday post baby as its just awful to watch the realization sink in.

The good news is that you do adjust and holidays become fun again, but they dont really become relaxing again!

Sorry you didn't have a good experience. I specifically wanted to address a point you made about travel Instagram accounts.

There's a mum in my baby group who is a travel influencer. And she finds travelling with a baby really really tough. You wouldn't know it from her Instagram though. There's also lots of routine she doesn't do with her baby whilst away. I always think how amazing she is to actually do it, but it does sound tough. Definitely don't believe all you see on social media. These people are paid to make certain places and products look good.

And my own personal experience of going away with a baby: it was ok but only because we barely planned to do anything that we would usually do with our baby. I also found feeding her quite tricky whilst away.

I've now got 2 and haven't bothered going abroad yet other than a short city break to visit friends - we are just about to do a sunny foreign holiday with a 3.5 and 7 month old but my standards for what constitutes a good holiday have totally shifted. We've done UK holidays only since the first was born and have just gone to places which suited him really (had a playground, beach for playing, eating out at lunchtime or not bothering, only booking accomodation which worked for his sleep etc). We've been to the lakes but really only done walks which are flat/a potter then been to a cafe etc. and trips with both sets of grandparents so we get some time off/a meal out.

I no longer follow anymore with a parenting focus on Instagram unless it's realistic and makes me feel better not worse! (So e.g. big little feelings and a few others). So much bullshit where people are just monetize their children and present a fake version of their lives.

I have friends who have done much more adventurous things with babies and either they just had a very chilled adaptable baby, or found the whole thing very stressful. Or were people where travel was really important to them. I did a lot of long haul travel before I had a baby but have realized that it's not actually that important to me and I like the easy life and am happy to go to Norfolk every summer!

This is where having routines lets you down, if there isn't a strict routine beloved of MN then a child is able to accept a different set of circumstances and all can enjoy a holiday. We lived abroad when our two were little and we travelled quite a lot with them.

Holidays with children are hard. Our two are little (both under 3) and DH refuses to waste money on holiday. Instead preferring to visit grandparents. This year we also have a group camping trip (so lots of other adults) and holiday with grandparents (so ditto). We also have access to a family owned holiday home at the seaside which we’ll probably go to for a long weekend or two, the benefit being we know it’s fully equipped, it’s a “known” entity so it’s easier to plan. You do need to be flexible and DH struggles with that, seeing it as a waste of time.

We went on a few holidays when our child was a baby and toddler we just stuck to the same routine as we did at home, so same bedtime so apart from not going on an evening it was just like home at weekends

Can't say it was hard or easy it just was what is was

But would people assume anything is easy because of instagram or whatever, it is what is on internet anyone's child is not going to be a saint because of some photos on the internet, that is just weird

Wow! Done loads with my son when he was tiny. Took him travelling for 6 months whilst I was on mat leave for starters! Then once I was back at work we carried on holidaying when I've had annual leave. I think you just have to change your expectations, be flexible and adapt. The change of scenery is marvellous for starters. Likewise not being a slave to routine. I found it much easier when my son was tiny as he was far more portable. We were never militant with nap times, so he'd nap in the sling or pushchair or car seat, because he had to. He was bottle fed, so it was a bit faffy making his formula up, but again, I adapted. Admittedly we don't take the types of holiday most would consider a holiday! We have a camper van and mainly self cater. We both cycle, walk and kayak. Lots of exploring! So our holidays are very active. My son has caused us to slow down a lot. But that's not been a bad thing! We spend longer in places now rather than moving on after a few nights. I've actually found that more relaxing. We take long coffee and picnic stops at park, rivers, lakes, beaches etc too for my son's benefit. That's rather relaxing! Previously we were just constantly on the go. My son now loves travelling. I had to take various forms of public transport back from France to home with him when he was 4. Most people I told looked horrified- it was genuinely an enjoyable experience. He just took it in his stride. Part of that is his personality, but I'm sure part of it was down to him being so used to travelling. On holidays we often tag team childcare, so the other goes off cycling or whatever. I'm sure that could be adapted for a beach holiday or whatever! Move goal posts, adjust expectations and enjoy experiencing new things through your child's eyes!

Planning 1 activity a day is a lot with a baby that age, plus a lunch out every day.

This is why the first few holidays we did was to all inclusive places so just swim and sit by pool and baby naps in the pushchair.

If you're doing holidays in UKjust dont plan too much, and go somewhere kid friendly with softplay type things.you want to tire them outso you can then sit and have some relaxing time. We would always pick a nice lodge or something so oncw baby was asleep we could sit ourside if weather was nice

I should add, I found being at home with a toddler/ pre-schooler sole destroying (I worked part time). You've got the same old activities, same old boring places, same old shops, same old parks... yawwwwn! It got repetitive and dull. Now my son is at school, he tends to find the same old stuff at home boring and routine, so he's ready to adventure!! On holiday there's this whole new world of possibility! So refreshing. I think that's why we've always loved our holidays, it's the different places and the excitement of the unexpected!

No such thing as a holiday with young children, it's a change of scene. If you remember that you won't be disappointed in the future.

We did a 3 week road trip around Europe with a 14 month old (wasn’t walking yet), it is just as much work as home but at least you’re seeing new places. It’s never going to be relaxing and recharging but it’s a change of scenery. You just have to reframe the ‘holiday’ in your mind.

Anything city break-ish is really hard work babies of that age. Wandering around towns with a buggy and trying to have a pub lunch is just a more intense version what you are doing at home without all the comforts. I can’t imagine the weather was great either.

Sun holidays were honestly more enjoyable at that age, even if it isn’t your bag now.

Nice sunny walk in the mornings, stop for a coffee and juice.
Back to the villa for a play or a swim.
Usually a pushchair nap for mid morning then I’d wheel them into a dark room- still in pram.
DH and me could then have time together before tag teaming in the afternoon so we each got some relaxation time. It felt like an actual break for us.
Dinner out, home, drinks on the balcony, peeping in on the baby.

It’s different- but there honestly is a way to have a nice holiday with a baby of that age. But it needs to be something more relaxing and at a slower pace.

If you like to holiday in the UK- then holiday/caravan parks with pools and soft plays will allow you to tire them out a bit in the morning, get the nap out of the way, and then hopefully they are more refreshed for some exploring in the afternoon

I think 11 months is an awkward age as they want to be on the move / are cruising, but are a danger to themselves / outdoors difficult if weather not perfect. We went on a holiday at this age and I remember it being incredibly frustrating as I was having to watch the baby every second, and nothing was really suitable for cruising.

We have travelled quite a bit with ours, and the most important ‘adaptation’ for us has been disrupting the routine a bit.

Sleep schedules: sleeping in a carrier (allowing us to be out and about eg hiking in lakes), sleeping in pram (allowing lunch / dinner out), pushing bedtime so we can go for dinner / to pub (this hasn’t always been successful).

Food: accepting they’ll probably eat at the wrong time, loads of snacks etc

I find the best trips are:

• Basically pottering about
• Low expectation
• Often accommodation with a bar/restaurant so we can feel like we have a ‘night out’ after bed time (with video baby monitor on).

Our most successful small kid holidays have been beach trips where they can play in sand, back home for a nap / sunbathing for grown ups / late lunch when they wake up / more beach or park in afternoon / Tea / Bed / Evening dinner for grown ups (or - taking them out for dinner and falling asleep in pram). No expectations, no commitments, just easy.

I still find travelling with the children stressful although they are school age so it's much easier in terms of what stuff we need. I suspect having the dog with you does make it harder as you are restricted in terms of indoor places which would make it trickier esp if weather not good. But as toddlers it was basically still spending hours at a play park, just a different play park... And as babies still the naps, feeding, broken sleep in a different location....

We did holidays with friends with children of a similar age and relaxed by doing very little and cooking in the holiday accommodation each night. Best tip was to avoid any accommodation with its own pool and instead took a small paddling pool for the toddlers to use in the garden. Babysat for each other for one meal out in the week we were there.

I agree op, it's not worth it

The 'I just stuck my baby in a backpack and travelled round the world' is the equivalent of the Mumsnet chicken feeding 4 people for a fortnight.

I think it depends on the baby to some extent. We have a 2.5yr old and have been away 10 times since they were about 3m.

I love holidays, and we really wanted to make the most of travelling in term time. We started off with mostly city breaks. Like a previous poster said, we never had a routine and we were also blessed with a great night sleeper.

We always book an air B&B with a cot and a washing machine so we can take the minimum amount. We go out in the day, go out for lunch, then have dinner in the apartment when the child is in bed. We’ve always had a great time. We’ve done more beach type holidays recently and they’ve been brilliant (not usually our cup of tea), our child loves playing in the sand. We hired a car and tend to do at least one activity a day, and dinner as usual in the villa. We had our own pool and this was brilliant, our child loved swimming and was so relaxing without other people splashing about!

Currently planning another holiday, after our winter sun break, really looking forward to it!!

I have never had a routine but it is hard on holiday.
When I had one child I was constantly going away. I’ve now got two. I think I’d go more though if it wasn’t so expensive post covid.
generally I only do short trips