Found first baby holiday so stressful

[Gretnafrew]

Booked a short UK break in Lakes with 11 month old baby, DH and dog. First holiday together for all of us and really looked forward to it.

Planned out one activity and dog/ family friendly restaurant lunch per day but in the end plans just went out the window as we found it harder to do baby's routine in new place and it just wasn't enjoyable. We were both exhausted by 6pm and ready to go to bed at same time as baby.

We've ended up coming home early and I feel like a bit of a failure tbh. I wasn't expecting anything super relaxing but I feel like we struggled to adapt even though DH is very hands on and we brought all the items we could think of for baby.

We could manage things like a short walk in baby carrier or stroll around nearby town with pram but going a bit further to do something for several hours like a day trip just felt like too much. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations but I've seen/ heard of others doing similar without too much trouble.

I've probably seen too many travel Instagram accounts where they make travelling with a baby look like a breeze and just really wanted to start doing some trips together.

Maybe IBU and just don't know how to travel with baby or was I silly to try and plan too much? We're not planning anymore holidays for a while now as feels like a waste of money but I'm feeling like a bit of a rubbish mum for not being able to take baby on trips successfully and finding it all so stressful.

This is a bit negative IMO.

No it’s not the same as pre-kids. We aren’t going kite surfing or to fine dining establishments, out in bars.

But we have travelled loads with ours and it’s been fine! Fun!

My only caveat to that is no self-catering. I do not want to be cooking, tidying and doing washing up.

You’re not alone. Some babies are extremely portable, others not. My twins are 6 and we’ve not just started to do proper holidays now as it just wasn’t worth it when they were younger.

I loved travelling with mine when they were little.

i always felt like a shit mum because mine had no routine so adapted pretty well.

i think whatever we do we think we're crap when actually we're all doing our best and a pretty good job!

so holidays don't suit you at the moment? So what? Don't worry about it, you can plan some lovely stuff when he's older.

I took dd on lots of short breaks and abroad when she was a baby. I think if helped that I was fairly young and didn't overthink it.

Dd wasn't an easy baby but in my head I thought I'd rather be out and about somewhere nice with her crying than at home going mad!

It's not a holiday for you with young kids, it's basically uprooting your daily routine and putting it into a hostile environment.

We had quite a few years where we just didn't bother and had nice days out instead. Once we did start it, we stopped booking cottages and stayed at places like Haven or Centre Parcs where there was always something to occupy the kids. Our idea of hell but it was just a phase.

What was the issue? I travelled with mine extensively from birth, and it was never a problem. Perhaps I'm just a really chilled out parent style wise (cosleeping, extended breastfeeding, fed them our food not baby food) but I found it far easier pre school age as they didn't have an opinion on everything!

If you describe the issues perhaps I can give you specific advice but in general the key is to do things you enjoy and the kids adapt eg ours would be out hiking all day at that age, stopping every couple of hours to feed, and let them toddle about (early walkers) by 3 dd1 was walking 6 miles herself, with shoulder rides if needed. Dd2 was a bit lazier preferring the back pack until 4. I always took a buggy, then double buggy for evenings so we could head out but I never had strict bedtimes so often they would be awake, they always loved eating out

I've personally always preferred to be out and about than indoors with my daughter and whilst we've a looseish routine we've always been far from strict with our routine preferring to take the consequences of her being overly tired or stimulated occasionally in return for freedom I couldn't do it at home and definitely won't do it on holiday.

When we went abroad the most difficult part was the coach transfer she hated it.

When we were there we just pottered around the complex and into the local towns downside was we were in an hotel room so when she went to bed at night although we made her bedtime later than usual there was a limit on how much later and we had to go to bed at the same time.

So true!

I agree travel with children is not relaxing, but I did appreciate the change of scene. You have to base the holiday around the same activities you would do at home - pottering to the ducks, playgrounds - but at least they are different playgrounds!

We travelled to Denmark when our eldest was 6 months old and it was great. During the older baby/ toddler years I refused to go abroad - the thought of entertaining an energetic toddler on a plane - no thank you.

Even though we try to keep the routine on one holiday, the excitement and change of sleeping arrangements used to disrupt our child's sleep so much. I remember one where our toddler couldn't get to sleep before 10pm and was up at 4am every day- obviously then tired and grumpy.

Don't believe everything you see on Instagram they are selling you a lifestyle.

Some children will be placid, flexible children happy to go along with parents plans others will not. Parent the way your child needs you too.

Sympathies @Gretnafrew

We went to the Lakes when our son was a similar age. We absolutely love the lakes and it wasn't too far from home. Stayed in a cottage we had stayed in before.
It was absolutely hideous. DS hated everything - didn't sleep well and just whinged all week. I came home thinking we would never go on holiday again 😂

We went back a year later when he was almost 2 and it was so much easier and we did have a good time. He was walking by then and fully weaned which made things far easier. We spent lots of time outside where he could run around etc. He slept well.

I found holidays from age 3+ great. We did UK holidays when he was young - Devon/Cornwall usually (with an Autumn/Winter week in the Lakes). Always stayed in self catering cottages so he could have his own room and there was usually a small garden.

Last year, we finally got abroad (covid had stopped us going earlier). We went to Austria (he was 9), flew and stayed in a hotel, all in one room. It was amazing from start to finish and we are going back this year.

Basically, I found holidays with a baby stressful and not at all enjoyable but it will get better!

With small children it's best to go with very few expectations and plans that don't go beyond a walk and a meal out. I love both so I'd be happy but for others it wouldn't be much of a holiday.

We tried to take dd on a city break to Brussels Christmas markets, where we'd been regularly for the past few years. We took both sets of grandparents (paid for them) and it was so awful I swore off holidays like it and still swerve them a decade later.

I go for families friendly sites where we can all have our own room in self catering accommodation so it's as flexible as we need it to be. We went to Butlins tots weeks where there's loads included, Parkdean, Haven etc. We could park outside the caravan and enjoy an easy day out or use the facilities on site. Most other people had children too (in fact it's a condition of some Butlins tots weeks that you have an under 5 year old everyone is in the same boat. We've had some lovely breaks but needed to completely change the way we did things.

We're trying again now dd is older and can enjoy things with us (or at least keep her mits off the artwork 😂).

I’m with you op. We didn’t do any holidays with DS until he was nearly 4 (and that first holiday was lovely!)

Before that even a simple day out would end up with one of us in tears, lots of arguing and wondering why we wasted the money. So there was no way we were booking holidays. I know people say you have to change your expectations but it’s just stressful and not enjoyable.

It is so stressful! We did 2 weeks in Devon and Cornwall with a 4m old and it was very much try and time the drive out of accommodation for first nap then make sure your drive back was for afternoon nap. Very rigid we tried eating out for dinner once and ended up in a lovely restaurant overlooking Cornish Beach one of us shoveling food in whilst the other walked round with a grumpy baby.

We were going to go on holiday when she was about 20m and decided couldn't be asked with the hassle and again have cancelled this year the thought if having to lug her small selection of food she does it through customs was too much, coupled with the fact trying to find somewhere we would want to go and catered for DC was 4k+

It's bloody depressing as pre covid going away on trips and planning holidays was what kept me going through daily motions.

I would try and go with a weekend away in a premier inn type place we did Chicester and visited local place over long weekend

I remember our first holiday with DS1 when he was 9 months old. We went to a villa in Italy, I was looking forward to it so much. Turns out there was an unfenced pool, DS couldn't walk yet but he could crawl really fast and obviously he kept crawling towards the pool. He didn't sleep well in an unfamiliar place so we were all tired. Really not as relaxing as I'd hoped!

Don't feel like a failure OP. It will be easier in a couple of years.

The only holidays I would do (I a lone parent) with my daughter until she was about 8 were really good hotels/apartmenthotels with kids clubs. Self catering is shite, it's all the same crap like at home but harder.

My advice, save up and go somewhere with Scott Dunn. Amazing kids clubs.

We always went on holidays and yes they were different from pre DC holidays but were still fun
I was rubbish at getting them into a routine though
Currently on an Easter break with 2 of mine ,now in early 20s

Really glad you managed to travel successfully with young children.

I think you also have to take the child's temperament into account. I EBF, did BLW used slings and am very laid back, but even with all this my children struggled to settle in new environments. My eldest would become hyperactive if she wasn't in bed for 6.30pm until about the age of 5. The times we let her stay up late we regretted and even friends they could see why we stuck to 6.30pm bedtime. My youngest wasn't like this. We could have stuck her in a buggy and she would have nodded off.

They are now both school age and travel is far easier

It can be done but obviously you have to completely adjust your expectations compared to the sort of holidays you had pre kids. We've managed long weekends away in France and Belgium. Basically you need to plan your day around the baby's naps and eat out at lunchtime if you are going to. Then cook at home or get a takeaway in the evening. Obviously you need a holiday apartment with a separate bedroom rather than a hotel room because no one wants to sit in the dark from 7pm while their baby sleeps in the same bedroom. This summer we are planning our first proper family holiday and our kids will be 3 and 18 months. Even then, all the above still applies. I am glad we've never tried to do anything expensive or long haul with toddlers because it doesn't look worth it.

Whenever we travelled we did one major outing (say four hours including lunch) then the afternoon a more chilled activity of just relaxing/reading or one stay with baby if the other went to the shops or whatever. Baby slept in the pushchair when out if needed. An airbnb was easier than a hotel as we could set our own schedule.
Maybe we had chilled kids but it was not hard. We travelled first when my son was six weeks old.

We didn’t travel with young children. I know plenty of people do, but mentally I was struggling when DC1 was small and there is only 23 months between them; I just couldn’t hack it. We did do a few UK things once DC2 arrived, first time was good old midweek at center parcs, with a 2.5yo and a 9mo - that was ok, as it is well set up for that kind of thing, but we ended up heading home on our final night because the baby had a nasty virus. We then did holiday cottages etc. just as the kids were getting big enough to explore more then covid hit.

we did our first overseas trip last year with them aged 6&8 and went for a resort holiday - that was a dream, enough to keep everyone occupied and the first truly enjoyable holiday for me post kids. We have since been skiing (pretty good) and as I type I’m back at a pretty slick resort overlooking the sea. We are doing ok but DH is doing lots of cycling and the kids are rejecting kids club so we are finding the balance hard this time. They would like to be on their iPads all day if allowed.

I am entertained by the families who have travelled with very young children; I flit between taking my hat off to them because they are brave and out there doing it, and feeling a bit sad that we missed those moments with young kids. At the same time I can see that they are experiencing the same crap in a different location and it does not look easy.

Completely agree about self-catering.

I appreciate it’s nice to have the space of an apartment / villa, but having to cook and tidy up… no thanks.

@Eyeballpaula

I agree, think it’s down to the child. We did mixed feeding, never coslept and our child was a dream child to travel with. Always slept a solid 12 hrs at night with no waking, adaptable to most situations, good in restaurants. I doubt this is anything to do with our parenting or how laid back we were or not!

I always liked going away with my baby and didn’t find it more difficult than being at home. But my baby was an awful sleeper who coslept more than he slept in his cot, an unpredictable eater who liked breastmilk but was super hit and miss with everything else for a long time, and he preferred napping in his pushchair to just about any other place. For me it far more soul destroying sitting in his room all afternoon trying to get him to nap in his cot than it was spending the afternoon walking round somewhere pleasant knowing he’d likely drop off to sleep in his pushchair when he felt tired.

Sorry you had a rough time op but this is parenting. Not all babies and children like changes in their routine. Holidays with a young family can have their fun moments but basically it's the same shit but in an unfamiliar place which means it's hard work.