Alternative to PIL Dorset suggestion for my birthday?

[pandarific]

I have a milestone birthday coming up. Context is I asked PIL as well as my mum did they want to come on hols with us with our 3 and 5 to - really fancy all inc, Mallorca. They declined, as it’s just not their kind of holiday - no problem at all, they enjoy self catering, I despise it (as for me it’s just same shit different location with kids). So we’re going with my mum, looking forward to it.

PIL have a holiday house in Dorset which we have been to when we still lived in the uk - we live in Europe now. Tonight they suggested that perhaps ‘for my birthday’ they could pay for flights for us to come over and we all go and stay in their holiday home and they could babysit while we go out for a meal. This sounds nice for everyone else involved, but I am so very not keen, for the reasons that the holiday home has no outside space at all, it’s in Dorset and it was pretty boring last time and I’m sure it will be boring this time too, I’m sure the kids will enjoy it but it’s my actual birthday and a milestone one at that so in my heart of hearts I don’t really want to go to alllllll the effort of getting a flight to travel to somewhere I find bloody boring, then traipse around doing kids activities / dispensing snacks etc. This sounds very much like my normal life but with more inconvenience. Its also complicated by 5 yo DS being a handful (he’s on the diagnostic list for ASD).

I think I’m also a bit hurt at this being dressed up as something ‘for me’ when it’s actually just a nice break for them to spend time with the kids - they know I hate self catering, they know why. They know I would love eg… a spa night away, tickets to see a show in London, to visit somewhere I’ve not been before - they know I don’t really enjoy a lot of the drudgery of having small children and that I’m in that phase at the moment, they’re not short of a few bob… so why suggest something they must know I wont actually enjoy myself?

So - MN, I am trying to think of an alternative that they and I would both enjoy and would be nice and allow them to spend time with the kids. I’m conscious they miss them. Any suggestions? DH is being no help and seems to think I’m being U, but I don’t actually like the garden-less holiday home and the (imo) dull location much. I’m sure there are better alternatives.

@rainyskylight Dorset is currently a mud covered, rainy muzzle fest. Sea glimpses don't do it for me.
Once it does clear up the locals go nuts and I don't feel my teen daughters are safe. Did you see the news reports about the Mayor of Caster bridge - sold his wife to a bloke in a beer tent.

@pandarific glad to hear you are getting DH to step up. Good on you for politely putting your foot down here.

I don't understand the angst over this.

Your PIL declined an all inclusive holiday with you because "it's not their kind of thing."

You, a grown adult, can decline a self catering holiday with them because "it's not your kind of thing."

If they push back, you just ask why it's ok for them to have a preference on holidays, but not you?

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

You are not being unreasonable in hating this idea and I probably wouldn't do it.
You are unreasonable in saying Dorset is boring.

If they're as bad as that, the sulking is unavoidable. So it comes down to whether you'd prefer a holiday you hate on your birthday and no sulking, or doing something you'd like plus sulking. Personally I'd pick Option B.

Sorry if I read this wrong, but you invited them to celebrate your birthday in Mallorca they declined that's the end really

If you feel bad and want them to spend time with your children my mum used to drive us down and we would stay with family and then she would stay nearby and have a break. - obviously depends on childrens ages and GP ability.

Or you come over do a few days in the Dorset place and then go on somewhere else for a few days

Or your husband says we've decided to rent a place in e.g. Bath would you guys like to come and stay we going to do some day trips to see xyz

I personally wouldn't change my birthday plans for someone else unless it was serious

They have offered to look after the kids though so you and your husband can go and do what you want. I think it’s very nice of them and tbh I think you are being ungrateful!

Dear PIL
Thank you for the invitation however as this is a significant birthday I would like to do something new to celebrate therefore I'm going to decline your offer.
DH birthday is in Xmonth - this would be great for his present.

Book stuff for your birthday where you live.
Job done.

Hahaha @WogansHen very good

It’s so frustrating! If your PIL’s follow their suggestions up with “won’t that be nice for you?” then you and I may actually be related by marriage 😂

This is an interesting thread. Do the PIL also keep saying things like “We’ve got that lovely house in Dorset but you never come there! It’s such a shame, you’d have a really nice time!”?

They’ve offered her a type of holiday they know she doesn’t want, in a place she they know she doesn’t like. And dressed it up as something that’s ’for her’.

What should she be grateful for, exactly?

If it isn't too late, do you have any U.K. friends who could spa with you and DH and his parents can take the kids? Then you get to luxuriate and your DH can't really argue that you're not taking PIL up on their kind offer!!

Why not come at this from a completely different angle, DH rings them and says "hey panda has thought what she wants for her birthday, she's really keen to see <show> in London would you be up for getting her theatre vouchers?"

Then they have control over how much to spend and you get a present you can actually use.

If they go on about Dorset then sure DH can agree to that too but actually what panda wants for her birthday is to go out in London. So that is the present they are giving you. Hopefully he can pull it off as they would have to have a truly thick hide to insist that they get to overrule your choice of present!!