How to appear rich?

[happyasharry]

I know this is crazy and it's a million miles away from how I normally think but I have a reunion coming up soon and I don't want to be the 'poor' one.
We have a 3 bed semi, a 3 year old Volvo and we're really strapped at the moment. I have a college reunion soon and most of my friends have travelled the globe, found rich spouses and live the dream.
Anyway, for one night only I want to appear like them. I love my life and I am proud of what we have achieved as a family but this is playing on my mind. Any idea how I can achieve this and just fit in a bit?

I only know two wealthy people and neither would spend money trying to look rich. They both dress a bit scruffy and have old cars but amazing holidays. One tends to spend his money on things that will make him more money the other is more measured so has bought a nice home but certainly wouldn't waste money trying to look wealthy. He's been quite critical in the last of people who make themselves poor trying to look rich.

If it was me though, I'd get my nails, eyebrows and hair done. I'd get an expensive watch and bag second hand (no massive labels though), hire an outfit above my usual price point and get an Uber there.

I don’t think anyone spends money trying to look rich, who is rich. The idea is ludicrous.

i think the point is most truly wealthy people, and I don’t mean house millionaires or business ones with relatively average salaries from it, I mean the truly wealthy are seldom walking round in old primark or tu clothes.

I find the concept they all look scruffy quite bemusing. Scruffy is about th individual, not the wealth, you can be scruffy irrelevant of your income bracket.

I’m really surprised “So what do you do?” is asked as much as it is. I knew it was a bit of a social faux pas even as a teenager.

Having said that, I’m always a little glad when the question is put out there early in things like NCT and baby groups. It always struck me that my suitability as a potential friend - or parent of their child’s potential friend - was quickly being assessed before deciding if I was worth having a proper conversation with. It made me realise they were unlikely to be my cup of tea for all the reasons you’ve mentioned.

I also got asked “So what does your husband do?” a few times.

People can be very transparent.

Yes, exactly. If anyone asked me that, I’d be very clear on what signals the questioner was giving off about their worldview. And probably become slightly deaf.

@Gia6

It always struck me that my suitability as a potential friend - or parent of their child’s potential friend - was quickly being assessed before deciding if I was worth having a proper conversation with. It made me realise they were unlikely to be my cup of tea for all the reasons you’ve mentioned.

It's awful. So, so tacky.

My parents were like this and it scarred me for life. They were only motivated to speak to people if they thought they had sufficiently "interesting" jobs (ie jobs which would pass muster at a smart dinner party).

I remember conversations with them where I'd say "who are you having dinner with on Saturday?" expecting them to say "Bob and Sue from down the road", and it would be "Bob, he's a consultant immunologist, and Sue, she's an anthropologist". As if their jobs defined them. It didn't matter if Bob beat Sue black and blue or if he was a roaring alcoholic, he had an impressive job so that was that.

I can smell people like this at 50 paces and I want nothing to do with them.

I came here to say the same. Proper rich people don’t give two hoots what anyone thinks (unless they are senior royals). Also. several of my loaded friends are actually deeply unhappy. I’m not rich but I look at our life choices and think I made the better ones for overall happiness. If you’re genuinely happy in life, you’re richer than many others.

I completely agree.

I know plenty of 'wealthy' people (DH's family is wealthy from generations ago) and I rarely see anyone dressed like they've been shopping at jumble sales. Unless perhaps it was DH's dad popping out to the garden centre in his scruffs to pick up something he needs (he's 80+ but likes to grow vegetables and doesn't get the gardener involved in that).

I suppose we are relatively well off ourselves - very well paid professionals, not family money - and tend to dress conservatively (certainly nothing overtly branded) but we do buy quality items, such as DH's handmade shirts and some of my dresses.

It makes me wonder if people are either occasionally seeing wealthy people going about their normal business without changing into something fancy (because of course they wouldn't - who would?!) or are expecting the overt, branded 'show-off' clothing, but are actually seeing them in 'quietly high quality' outfits and not realising.

Why on earth would want to pretend you are rich. There is nothing wrong with your life. It's dull to pretend otherwise.

@CagneyAndLazy

It depends on where you live and your attitude: there is a strain of "country rich" (aristocracy and landed gentry) which really is scruffy or at least studiedly unfashionable. The Barbour brigade, where it's all about dressing for hunting and shooting and it not mattering if you get mud in the Land Rover. There's another variation of this which is not mega rich but affluent upper middle class people in academia and other similar circles who also go out of their way not to dress in an obviously fashionable way because it seems a bit common to them.

But hedge fund rich people would certainly not dress like this. My boss's husband is a mega rich banker (they're worth collectively double digit millions) and they dress very well, conservatively but immaculately.

I think the biggest mistake to assume that your attitude to dress is solely dictated by your wealth: there are masses of other parameters that come into play.

Which is why it's daft to think you can "dress" your way into blending in with rich people. There's so much more to it than this.

So many weird, tired, lazy tropes on this thread 🙄

as someone else alluded to, no one is buying unbranded luxury on credit

That was my point- I’m not probing for status, I’m just looking for things that people will talk about.

Im not good with social stuff, I get bored/tired very easily so I’ve learned to get people talking about themselves (their job/kids/ pets whatever) then I can just nod and interject occasionally, and don’t have to do too much eye contact!

@nojudge

Wow. You seem a bit quick to take offence.

I like talking to people. I find them interesting. What they like, what they enjoy, and for many of us, work is part of that. I don't understand why chatting with someone and saying, oh, that's interesting, that you moved countries for your job, is your husband a coal miner too? implies any assumption that the DH is the higher earner? I out earned my husband for quite a while and would literally never occur to me to make that assumption.

I don't think I'm quick to take offence at all, I'm pretty chilled and open. I also like talking to people and I'm very happy to talk about my job or their job as part of that discussion. Of course it will come up, that's absolutely natural.

But there's a bit difference between chatting about your job in the course of a "getting to know you" discussion because it comes up and those very pointed "status fishing" questions you get when you first meet someone who is trying to "place" you, socially. I can always tell the difference.

And anyone in this day and age who asks you what your husband does the first time they meet needs to have a word with themselves. It definitely carries with it a ton of assumptions. Why on earth would it be relevant if you're meeting someone without your spouse or partner to ask what they do for a living other than to establish how much money or status your household has?

I think you need to be thin with good teeth

That rules out the king and queen then

@Comedycook No! I think this too.

Be yourself OP. Nothing screams 'I've got my shit together' more than someone comfortable in their own skin.

@nojudge

I'm hardly talking about barging up to someone, elbowing others out of the way and bellowing "and what does your husband do, little lady?" in their face. I'm talking about standing around and chatting with someone you've recently met, or sitting next to someone at a dinner party, and talking. I mean, nothing's really strictly relevant. Unless it's a work event, in which case, it's pretty clear what you're there to talk about, it's all just chitchat.

And why would their spouse's occupation be any more of an indicator of money or status than their own? I'm still a little baffled on how it's misogynistic or automatically carrying the assumption that the husband is the breadwinner? I mean, I've sat next to many a man at a dinner party (which is usually how it works) and asked if his wife is in the same profession. What do you make of that? That I'm running a wealth screening service?

You can just tell, trust me. Someone who is respectful and genuinely interested in someone won't drop in "what does your husband do" into the first half hour of a dinner party conversation.

They might, if for example you have mentioned your husband works away a lot, or you have said he was supposed to be here but something came up at work, or mentioned you are going to his work Christmas do tomorrow.

Where does he work/what does he do are normal responses to this type of thing.

There are hundreds of reasons it would come up in conversation quickly. Many people talk about their spouse a lot.

People who ask this question to make an estimation of your worth as a potential friend or even someone to simply have a conversation with are usually pretty transparent as I said above. So it’s quite easy to work out what they’re getting at. You’ll sometimes catch them looking at your engagement ring or handbag, for instance.

If I sense someone enjoys talking about their partner, I tend to ask the story of how they met. Sure, work might come up then but most of the time it doesn’t, in my experience anyway. I might also ask “Does he/she share your interest in hiking?” or cooking or travelling - or whatever. Hobbies make for far more interesting conversations if you ask me.

Btw, I do actually have an interesting career which I enjoy very much and is a big part of who I am but I find those who talk too much about work - especially when we’ve only just met - quite dull at best, if I’m being honest, so I try to veer away from conversations about work.

You can't appear "like them" unless you intend to not speak to anyone or to lie about your life.

You can look well-dressed and groomed. No-one's going to ask how many bedrooms you have in your house or what car you drive.

You love your life! Isn't that enough?

True. Im on a decent wage but i dont give a hoot about shoes, watches bags. Practicality is more me. If it serves purpose. Personally, anything outwardly showing a brand is cheap.

Jesus, this "searching for social status" stuff tells us a lot about the people bringing it up, I think. I might often ask what someone's partner does if they are talking about them. It's such an obvious natural question, isn't it?

"Yes, the kids do a lot of swimming. They train every day."

"That must take a lot of organising."

"Well, my husband is more responsible for that - he's a lot more available to take them to training and galas, what with all my impressive global travel and seeing as I earn much more than him."

"Oh, what does he do?"

"How dare you probe his social status!"

We probably meet different types of people!

Jesus, this "searching for social status" stuff tells us a lot about the people bringing it up, I think.

Pray, do tell since it’s about me. It’s only fair. 😂

Of course but I have been asked it a lot in the last few years, from NCT and then baby classes mainly.