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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister ruins every event/occasion

71 replies

Radiatorsprings11 · 31/03/2024 10:13

There's either some argument between her and her partner, she causes an argument with another family member or like today on our family Easter hunt tradition she goes away and leaves her children at the last min and therefore the easter egg hunt is ruined.

I'm so angry. My DC is getting old and I prob have this year and maybe 1 more before he realises.

Christmas time she got so drunk she went off to another room at my parents and napped whilst her fiance drunk and played pool. So me and DM weren't left to look after all the children.

Went on holiday all together last year. Our parents left early because she started a fight with them. She started a fight with her fiance and it was majorly awkward for everyone.

Parents birthdays she argues for no reason. Why does she do this?

OP posts:
Changingplace · 31/03/2024 10:16

What do you mean she’s gone away and left her children? Left them where? With who? Sounds like you’ll have a much better day without her anyway!

Dishwashersaurous · 31/03/2024 10:17

She just left the children? Did she say anything?

This is really confused. Why did you go on holiday with someone who you know is difficult and argumentative?

concernedchild · 31/03/2024 10:18

You both sound a bit insufferable, her for being a drama queen and you for insisting all the traditions are followed

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2024 10:18

Why does she do this?

Because she gets away with it.

Prioritise your child and stop including her in things. You’re doing the same thing again and again while expecting a different outcome - the definition of madness. Stop.

toomanyy · 31/03/2024 10:20

You all need to stop enabling her. Stop inviting her to Christmas, Easter and holidays.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

WarshipRocinante · 31/03/2024 10:20

She does it because she is a narcissist and those special days aren’t about her. I bet she doesn’t do it on her birthday (unless she feels that people haven’t properly shown her the respect and spoiling she thinks she deserves).

I have a sister like this too. Her social days have to be perfect with the fake veneer of happiness etc. Any special day which doesn’t centre her is ruined by her. So she no longer gets invited. Pretty simple.

DelphiniumBlue · 31/03/2024 10:21

Does she have a drinking problem? Because that inappropriate arguing and causing fights, and getting so drunk in the middle of the day that she has to sleep it off sounds like the behaviour of alcoholics I have known.

Crumpleton · 31/03/2024 10:21

Bad enough her behaviour at home but
you actually go on holiday with her?

I'd rather not invite her and if it's because your mum wants her there then unfortunately your sister will thinks her behaviour is exceptable because you're all allowing her to ruin every occasion.

PoppyFleur · 31/03/2024 10:21

Unfortunately some people don’t develop sufficient emotional maturity to look beyond themselves and their needs. Your sister sounds like one of these people, she creates her own problems and drama.

It doesn’t make things easy for you but just think how much harder it is for her children who have to live with this drama.

I suspect she would take badly to any criticism so instead your only option is to minimise your exposure.

Hoardasurass · 31/03/2024 10:22

Stop inviting her to things, and don't go on holiday with her ffs

RampantIvy · 31/03/2024 10:23

Stop inviting her to things and don't go on holiday with her.

BronzeAge · 31/03/2024 10:23

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2024 10:18

Why does she do this?

Because she gets away with it.

Prioritise your child and stop including her in things. You’re doing the same thing again and again while expecting a different outcome - the definition of madness. Stop.

This, exactly.

OP, you’re going to have to make your thinking less rigid about automatically including her — surely the holiday was an obvious disaster waiting to happen? Just do your own thing. Who cares why she does it? Just don’t give her the opportunity by not inviting her.

Eyesopenwideawake · 31/03/2024 10:24

She's very unhappy about something. Try asking her?

Createausername1970 · 31/03/2024 10:25

Stop socialising with her. You can invite your parents over, or go for a meal with them but without including your sister and family. It's quite normal.

Don't go on family holidays.

DarkForces · 31/03/2024 10:26

Why is the Easter Egg hunt ruined? Surely you just do it without her and get her kids to join in?

FloofCloud · 31/03/2024 10:26

We do our own egg hunt without family, kids 12&15
I'd just not invite her

candgen625 · 31/03/2024 10:29

My mother behaves like this. Such a shame we now she only ruins it for herself.

nadine90 · 31/03/2024 10:33

I get on really well with my siblings and we don’t spend all occasions and holidays together! You don’t have to invite her to things you know she’ll spoil.
It doesn’t really matter why she does it, she just does, you don’t have to allow it to happen on your time though.

KreedKafer · 31/03/2024 10:35

Eyesopenwideawake · 31/03/2024 10:24

She's very unhappy about something. Try asking her?

Plenty of people are able to be unhappy without behaving like cunts.

Dishwashersaurous · 31/03/2024 10:37

Also why are the rest of the family enabling her?

How was the egg hunt ruined?
Surely everyone just did it?
Or did she actually disappear and you thought that she was missing. Police etc

KreedKafer · 31/03/2024 10:40

Went on holiday all together last year

Why on earth would you do that?

You really don’t have to do everything with your entire family, you know. Your sister is a difficult, disruptive attention-seeker who sounds somewhat unstable and possibly has a drink problem. I wouldn’t be inviting her to Easter egg hunts or going on family holidays with her.

Original poster
Radiatorsprings11 · 31/03/2024 11:47

Ruined because only one of her DC is here at grandparents. The other is at another family members. Her trip to a rave type thing was arranged for a few weeks. She's brought them easter stuff but didn't bring it so her DC hasn't got anything to open.

We were invited to go on holiday by parents. Haven't been away all together. That will definitely be the last time we do it. Learnt that lesson!

Yes definitely enabling behaviour. Any form of suggestion or criticism is met with an argument and threats of not seeing her children. Our mum will do anything for her because of grandchildren .

I have a birthday meal next week and I just feel she's going to ruin it somehow

OP posts:
Original poster
Radiatorsprings11 · 31/03/2024 11:48

I don't think she's got a drink problem but can't be sure.

I feel sorry for my nephews. She regularly talks and argues in front of them and they hear stuff they shouldn't hear or see

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 31/03/2024 11:49

Can't you have a birthday meal and not invite her?
Just go out with your parents instead.

Loopytiles · 31/03/2024 11:51

Your posts are confusing but at this point given her past behaviour YABU for inviting her and her DP to family events and especially booking holidays together!

would nip out and buy your DNs (the one there and the one elsewhere) some chocolate and try to enjoy the day.

appreciate that you want to see the DNs and it sounds like they could benefit from benevolent adults around. Your sister sounds the type to want ad hoc childcare, so perhaps ‘grey rock’ with her could work OK, also quietly phasing out the family gatherings, invitations etc.