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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny holidays

88 replies

FrayedAndConfused · 31/03/2024 03:48

So my nanny has 20 days holiday a year excluding Christmas break which is a free holiday. I am away quite a bit (with my son) and as I’m separated from his father my son (5yo) is also away quite a bit at his dads. So these weeks, at least 6-8 a year, are then free holidays for the nanny. I don’t have a problem with that except she always asks for my dates well I’m advance and then I think makes her own holiday plans. She then gives me her holiday dates (which NEVER coincide funnily enough) a month in advance so I end up then having to find another nanny. I’ve tried to talk to her about this but basically I feel she’s manufacturing a way to get double the amount of holiday. I’ve thought about making her come in when my son isn’t here to do nursery duty type activities but I don’t really need them as I have a cleaner and like to do them myself - I only really need her to look after my son. Is it reasonable to put in my contract that I want 4 months notice for her holiday dates? Or do I make her just come in when my son is away so she figures out she can’t make holiday plans for free and does need to actually take holiday when she wants to take holiday. I am a generous employer, pay above market rate, and don’t mind her having time off for free as such but I work long hours sporadically so when I need her I really really need her and don’t have time to find a temporary nanny or frankly want to as having someone my son knows is important, so when she then chooses the most inconvenient and busy times on purpose to take holiday despite having about 12 weeks paid leave anyway It puts me in a really difficult spot. AIBU? Is there a reasonable solution to this?? I have tried talking to her about this but she says to me ‘I don’t want to take holiday that week you guys are away as I don’t need to’. It seems she just wants to take holiday when in fact I really need her.

OP posts:

MBappse · 31/03/2024 03:53

I think it is pretty standard for the employer to be able to dictate the timing of some (maybe half?) of the annual leave in nanny contracts.

TakeOnFlea · 31/03/2024 03:57

Paragraphs would be helpful in any contract you set up.

But no, it's not unreasonable to ask for 4 weeks notice.

Yellowroseblooms · 31/03/2024 03:58

It sounds a very cushy number for her and I would want to know in advance. Given your son's age though will you be keeping on her on much longer? Will you be swapping to an after school carer and some holiday cover? My children had a lot of fun at some school holoday programs - good quality things with plenty of activities and outings.

BoxOfCats · 31/03/2024 03:59

You can dictate when she takes her holiday, just like any other employer can. If you want to accommodate her then perhaps you can compromise and she can choose when to take 50% of her leave and you can choose the remaining dates.

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 31/03/2024 04:01

Legally, as her employer you can tell her when to take her annual leave as long as you give her enough notice.

If you don’t go down that route, requiring 4 months notice for leave is unreasonable though.

JMSA · 31/03/2024 04:05

YANBU.

PeloMom · 31/03/2024 05:05

She may be arranging jobs for when you’re away and that’s why she needs to know in advance? Give her duties while you’re away- she gets paid for the time anyway

Netaporter · 31/03/2024 05:34

YANBU.

I think in your shoes I’d be looking for a new Nanny. She’s exploiting the fact you are busy and taking advantage of that. Nanny’s/cleaners etc are supposed to be making your life easier not more difficult. If you are paying above market rate and she’s getting 12 weeks paid leave it is ridiculous you are having to get another nanny in to cover more than 2 weeks during the year. It is normal for any job to have a month or so paid leave and most nanny’s are allowed to choose half of that. The fact your circumstances regarding coparenting are unique is irrelevant.

I’d quietly contact an agency and put feelers out for who is in the market and interview to see how you feel about a fresh start with someone happy to have the role. Then I’d sit her down and explain that you feel the current arrangement is not working for you and that Moving forward, like most nanny’s she can choose any two weeks she wants for the year plus Christmas but that will be it, the rest will be at your discretion and you will endeavour to give her as much notice as possible but as your schedule is dictated by work that is not always possible. If you have someone waiting in the wings, this conversation will be easier for you.

Because a nanny is in your home and looking after your child the situation has to be based on mutual respect to work. I think given your description of how the relationship is at present, it doesn’t seem salvageable without one party feeling aggrieved. However don’t lose sight of the fact that a lot of nanny’s out there would love a role which gives 12 weeks paid leave with an above market salary.

ParsonsPont · 31/03/2024 05:42

What you’re saying isn’t unreasonable but four months notice is.

When do you have the dates for your son being away at his dad’s? To give her time flexibility around her own holidays, you could make her take, say, 10 days on those dates and the other 10 dates whenever she wants.

Phillipa12 · 31/03/2024 05:51

When I was a Nanny 50% of my holiday entitlement was at my employers discretion. I also used to get extra weeks when they were away but during this time I was given a list of jobs, like gutting kids bedrooms/playroom, decluttering kids toys/clothes, batch cooking and freezing, labelling new school uniform etc. It didn't matter if the jobs only took a couple of days or if I went in everyday for 2 hrs, as long as they were done, what I did with the rest of the time while they were away was a perk of the job. Your nanny is taking the piss, her primary role is childcare and making your life easier....she isn't doing that.

ThisTealZebra · 31/03/2024 05:51

YANBU

IAmAnIdiot123 · 31/03/2024 05:57

Lol I couldn't think of a worse job than being a nanny but under her current terms I'll take the job! 🤣 she is massively taking the piss OP.

Whatsnormalhere · 31/03/2024 06:14

Stop telling her in advance of your holidays and just let her know a month in advance. Have her do some jobs in the time you are off.

4 months notice is too much but perhaps you can ask for 2 months notice?

VestibuleVirgin · 31/03/2024 07:11

TakeOnFlea · 31/03/2024 03:57

Paragraphs would be helpful in any contract you set up.

But no, it's not unreasonable to ask for 4 weeks notice.

The OP asked for 4 months notice!
Which is beyond the bounds of ridiculousness; no-one should have to give 4 months notice of holiday

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 31/03/2024 07:14

FOUR MONTHS! No. That's absolutely ridiculous

Autienotnaughtie · 31/03/2024 07:21

No you can't ask for four months notice reasonably

But you add to the contract that 50% of her holidays must be when you are off. So she gets two weeks of choice, two weeks dictated by you. Xmas and any other time off you give her.

You could also ask her to come in and do jobs on her 'extra' hols such as clean the toys or deep clean playroom.

olympicsrock · 31/03/2024 07:34

She should be working when paid. I’m sure you can find work to do.
buying and wrapping party gifts
sorting out yours son’s clothes
Organising the toys
cleaning his bedroom

You are being a mug

Tel12 · 31/03/2024 07:42

I think that you are being rather unreasonable assuming that she's a good carer for your son. Generally speaking employees should give double the notice of the length of leave requested as a minimum.

Autumnleaves27 · 31/03/2024 07:43

I don't have any experience with nannies, but are you not able to have as part of her contract when she has to take holidays?

Surely it's no different to eg.school staff who have to have school holidays (they can't just decide to have a day/week off in term time?

CrispieCake · 31/03/2024 08:05

I'd stop telling her the dates that your son is going to be away until the week before and ask for 4 weeks notice of her holidays.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 31/03/2024 08:11

Technically you can stipulate when she takes all of her holiday. I think it would be fair to dictate half - and ask for a minimum of 4 weeks notice for the other 2 weeks.

Also, given how much you are away - I would see if I could reduce what the cleaner did for the "childs" areas - and get her to do it on your weeks away.

ittakes2 · 31/03/2024 08:14

does your ex live nearby - does he need a nanny? maybe she should go work for him when your son goes there.

fashionqueen1183 · 31/03/2024 08:20

Half and half choice is standard with nanny contracts. So I’d change that.
Four months isn’t reasonable though. I also wouldn’t make her come in to do other jobs for the sake of it.

mitogoshi · 31/03/2024 08:21

Perfectly normal for employers to ask for annual leave dates at the beginning of the year bar 5 days for odds and ends.

Levithecat · 31/03/2024 08:22

In our contract we agreed we’d choose 50% of holiday dates and our nanny chooses 50%.
think that, or having to clear hol dates with you, is standard. She’s taking the mickey imo

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