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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny holidays

88 replies

FrayedAndConfused · 31/03/2024 03:48

So my nanny has 20 days holiday a year excluding Christmas break which is a free holiday. I am away quite a bit (with my son) and as I’m separated from his father my son (5yo) is also away quite a bit at his dads. So these weeks, at least 6-8 a year, are then free holidays for the nanny. I don’t have a problem with that except she always asks for my dates well I’m advance and then I think makes her own holiday plans. She then gives me her holiday dates (which NEVER coincide funnily enough) a month in advance so I end up then having to find another nanny. I’ve tried to talk to her about this but basically I feel she’s manufacturing a way to get double the amount of holiday. I’ve thought about making her come in when my son isn’t here to do nursery duty type activities but I don’t really need them as I have a cleaner and like to do them myself - I only really need her to look after my son. Is it reasonable to put in my contract that I want 4 months notice for her holiday dates? Or do I make her just come in when my son is away so she figures out she can’t make holiday plans for free and does need to actually take holiday when she wants to take holiday. I am a generous employer, pay above market rate, and don’t mind her having time off for free as such but I work long hours sporadically so when I need her I really really need her and don’t have time to find a temporary nanny or frankly want to as having someone my son knows is important, so when she then chooses the most inconvenient and busy times on purpose to take holiday despite having about 12 weeks paid leave anyway It puts me in a really difficult spot. AIBU? Is there a reasonable solution to this?? I have tried talking to her about this but she says to me ‘I don’t want to take holiday that week you guys are away as I don’t need to’. It seems she just wants to take holiday when in fact I really need her.

OP posts:

backinthebox · 31/03/2024 08:35

Leave requests and allocation should be set out in your nanny’s T&Cs, and what she does when you are away but she is not should form part of the agreed job description. You now want to change things because you didn’t make this clear to start with and you don’t like how it’s going.

Fwiw, it is quite normal to ask a nanny to take 50% of their leave when you say, and the remaining 50% at their choice. It is also normal to ask a nanny to do child-related tasks while you are away. I would ask mine to sort through clothes and toys to check which were outgrown or damaged, and to give the children’s bedrooms a good tidy up, making sure everything was put in the right place. It would generally only take her one day out of the week I’d be away, then she could have the other 4 days off as bonus time, but it kept on top of a job that would grow into a bigger task if we didn’t keep on top of it.

It is not unreasonable to ask for 4 months notice of holidays. My employer has just told me and my colleagues which weeks leave we have for the period Oct 24-Apr25. This is miles away. However, once again it is in the T&Cs that this is the way it is done. Any other days off at shorter notice are by agreement with my employer subject to need. Otherwise you work the days you are told. As long as this is agreed and understood, this is fine.

MrsKwazi · 31/03/2024 08:40

You need a new nanny.

Morph22010 · 31/03/2024 08:40

Don’t tell her your dates in advance as she should be working on those dates anyway she doesn’t need advance notice, if she wants to plan something then she needs to book the date regardless

Morph22010 · 31/03/2024 08:43

What happens if your son’s dad was ill so he suddenly can’t go over when planned? Would your nanny then not be able to cover that time either?

MillieIou · 31/03/2024 08:50

4 months notice? No that's wild.

Just stop telling her your dates that she's getting free holidays. Let her know the week before and then it's just time off that if she wants to she can arrange something last minute. If you're giving her paid time off you don't get to control what she does with that time off. Either utilise her during those dates, or accept that you don't need her and she can do what she likes.

She should be able to take her annual leave whenever she wants providing she has given you suitable notice (4 weeks). Although if I was in a job where I needed to give 4 weeks notice for a day off I'd be pissed off, but I suppose nanny's know and accept this it its in their contract.

Panicmode1 · 31/03/2024 09:05

When I had a nanny, as others have said, 50% of her holidays were taken as her choice, 50% ours. I think 4 months notice is too much but a month is reasonable.

toomanyy · 31/03/2024 09:08

She needs to abide by her contract or sack her. What a cheek! Get rid if you can.

Dewdilly · 31/03/2024 09:08

As the employer, you can dictate when she takes leave - just like any other employer. Your nanny is taking the piss here.

AThousandStarlings · 31/03/2024 09:15

This

MzHz · 31/03/2024 09:29

What a load of rubbish. This nanny is doing the job she’s paid for, she’s entitled to holiday and books it. If she’s not needed and @FrayedAndConfused likes to do the ‘nursery duties’ AND has other help in the form of a cleaner etc, there’s no actual impact whatsoever on the employer

if you like your nanny @FrayedAndConfused, if she’s good at what she does, you trust her and your child likes her, she’s worth gold dust AND YOU KNOW IT.

if you want to stipulate 2 weeks of her holiday, legally you can, but she’s entitled to a holiday no matter what job she’s doing and you DO have to make alternative arrangements as any other employer might have to.

tell her that this year’s holiday is agreed, but as of next holiday year 2 weeks out of the 4 will be stipulated by you.

Original poster

FrayedAndConfused · 31/03/2024 09:34

Thank you everyone! Really helpful to have some perspective.

OP posts:

Original poster

FrayedAndConfused · 31/03/2024 09:37

Yes that’s my plan… last time she booked holiday and then when she found out I was going away that week with my son cancelled the leave as said she didn’t need to take leave after all as I’d be away. Struggled to rationalise that this isn’t really working together in partnership…

OP posts:

PlanningTowns · 31/03/2024 10:05

What does your contact say? That’s the starting point and you can’t change it unilaterally without consultation with her. That’s why I say YABU. If you are employing her you have responsibilities. If you plan to change her contract you need to do it in writing with the required notice. She can leave if she is not happy or you can terminate in accordance with her contract. What you can’t do is make it up as you go along. It almost doesn’t matter if you think she is being unreasonable because if that’s what her contact allows then that’s what it allows

Bushmillsbabe · 31/03/2024 10:08

Isn't he in school? So she only has him a bit before and after school? Could you use breakfast clubs and after school clubs instead? Then he gets to socialise with his class mates and build those friendships too

Morph22010 · 31/03/2024 11:00

FrayedAndConfused · 31/03/2024 09:37

That’s a total piss take, she still needs to be available at times you are planned to be away/child with father in case your plans change. If she can’t be available that week she needs to book the time off as holiday . What would have happened if your holiday had been cancelled or he was going to his dads but his dad was unexpectedly ill so he couldn’t go would she have been able to come in anyway

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 31/03/2024 11:51

Wow she's taking the royal piss!

In a job, you are paid for work, or you're on holiday pay.

She gets 6-8 weeks off when you're on holiday, does no work in that time, gets full pay, and cancels any leave she's booked if announce you're away, with the absolute brass neck of "well I don't need it as leave now, do I?". Fine, but you need to be doing some work then.

You've created this dynamic that she gets a full 8 weeks of your "holiday" off on full pay and she then gets a full holiday entitlement to book around it. The awkward thing is you've let it run like this, and she already sounds like a cheeky fucker with how she announces it like it's her entitlement, so now, if you try and move to what is fair and right, she'll act like you've screwed her over.

I can see this unfortunately being a get rid of this one, because the ship has long sailed and her personality type, and get it right with the next.

TruthorDie · 31/03/2024 11:54

Time to change her contract. It’s a shame she’s taking the piss, time to limit that going forward

cherish123 · 31/03/2024 11:57

I can see why you are frustrated. It sounds as though you need a part-time nanny. Does she look after other children? If so, could you negotiate a part-time contract? (Apologies if this is not how it works. I've not used nannies.) I don't think you can ask her to do other duties not associated with the job, such as admin or cleaning. If I was a trained nanny, I'd be a bit miffed if someone as me to clean.

twitternotx · 31/03/2024 11:58

You choose half, she chooses half. 6 notice. This is basic stuff, if you don't know this are you doing the more complicated tax and payroll and pension correctly?

Viviennemary · 31/03/2024 12:00

I agree it sounds a cushy number for her. I would think about getting a new nanny. She is taking advantage of your generosity.

budgiegirl · 31/03/2024 12:10

The 6-8 weeks per year that you don't need her to look after your son, I'd tell her that she needs to be on 'stand-by' even if she doesn't actually have to come in to work. You're presumably paying her in full for these days, so she needs to be available if needed. What if your DS dad was poorly and couldn't have his son at short notice? Or your plans change last minute?

Then if she wants to take holiday during this time, that will need to come out of her holiday allowance.

The alternative is to get her in to do 'nursery duties' even if it's only a few hours a week during this time.

Netaporter · 31/03/2024 12:23

FrayedAndConfused · 31/03/2024 09:37

This is the red flag for me. I’d seriously reevaluate the relationship you currently have. There is something else going on and I’d suspect she is taking other paid work.

Hankunamatata · 31/03/2024 12:30

I'd change her contract telling her holidays must be taken when you are away or dc is at dad's- you will give her these dates at the start of the leave year. She has been taking the piss

Igmum · 31/03/2024 14:08

Agree. Holidays to coincide with yours. As it stands she is getting Christmas, 20 days plus 6 - 8 weeks. It is totally normal for some occupations not to have any choice about holidays (teachers for example). I'm sure you'd be sympathetic to the odd special occasion but this is Christmas plus 50 - 60 days. She's a total CF

TakeOnFlea · 31/03/2024 14:13

"no-one should have to give 4 months notice of holiday"

Don't join any of the emergency services then. 17 months in advance for leave sheets going in. Nightmare 🤣

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