Christening Dilemma

[TnaSM]

My little girl is due to be Christened next weekend. Unfortunately my MIL has discovered in the last week or so that she will need heart surgery to replace valves in heart and so will miss the Christening. My husband and I intended to go ahead with Christening as it is a very small affair and all arranged. My SIL has now said to my husband that it is unfair we are going ahead with it. My reason for going ahead is MIL op is not yet scheduled and she will have a two month recovery afterwards. Added to this that the priest has very limited availability we could be waiting another 3-4 months and we would have to arrange things at short notice as we don’t really know when she might be well enough to attend. My priority in this is my baby as I would like her to be Christened. I am very disappointed that not once was my little girl mentioned in all of this. Instead all of the talk is about upsetting my MIL. Of course I am very sorry that she cannot attend and that she is ill. I also lost my mother late last year and coincidentally the Christening is falling in her birthday, which I liked. Again I am hurt that that hasn’t come into it or even been considered. However, I don’t want to cause a family rift. Should I just postpone it indefinitely or go ahead? TIA

Get your SIL to video call your MIL so she can watch it, then take your baby in her christening gown next time you go to visit so you can get photos.

I wouldn't be postponing it.

I agree, in the days of FaceTime, WhatsApp video and Zoom she can participate or witness the christening in the way that suits her. I wouldn't postpone.

A rather unchristian attitude for someone eager to introduce their child to the church and all that means.

A Christening is a religious event that is supposed to take place as soon as possible. So I think YANBU.

What does your DH think? Your daughter isn’t at a disadvantage if she’s waiting an extra 3-4 months, I’d wait if it’s important to your MIL. I can appreciate both sides though.

Go ahead with it. You are bringing your child before the Lord and that is important to you. Don't delay or something else will come up.

Why can't MIL come? Is it because she is in hospital or is she just not well enough?

If she's just not well enough, surely that's been the case for a while so it's no surprise.

Exactly this. Anything could happen to your child and you want them christened

In these circumstances I probably would postpone. If your daughter is a baby she will have no idea what is happening anyway and it will make no difference to her if she is christened next weekend or in 3 or 4 months' time. Whilst it would have been lovely to have the christening on your mum's birthday I would prioritise allowing your little girl's living grandmother to attend over doing it on a date which commemorates someone who is sadly no longer with us. Perhaps when your little girl is older and sees photos of her christening she would like to see her paternal grandmother in the photos and know that she was there, especially if she has also passed away by that point.

I totally understand why you are disappointed but I think that if your own mum's passing and your MIL's health issues tell us anything, it's that life is short and fragile and precarious and we should make the most of our loved ones and share special moments with them while they are still with us, which your MIL is.

Sorry for the loss of your mum. 🌹

Regarding christenings taking place as soon as possible, this is completely cultural. From researching my family tree I've found a few branches of my family where it was clearly customary to baptise children within 24 hours of them being born, if possible. But I also know practising Christians who don't believe in baptising children at all and think people should be baptised as adults when they are old enough to decide for themselves.

My children are 3 and 1 and we are preparing for their baptism at the moment. The minister who is helping us to prepare actually asked if we were sure we wanted to baptise them now rather than waiting until they are teenagers and seeing if they want to do it. So there is really no right or wrong way, I think.

I think I'd postpone it.

I'm not too surprised your daughter wasn't mentioned she is, presumably, only little and won't care or be aware either way.

You've not mentioned what your husband would like to do.

I'm so sorry about your Mum

Is MIL on complete bed rest until her op?

Is there a reason she can’t come for just the service in a wheelchair etc?

i would go and see MIL and ask what she feels you should do? Explain about the date and your reasons for wanting to go ahead and suggest the video link and see what she thinks?

Its a tough one-operations are being cancelled all the time.What are the chances that your MIL surgery will be moved to a few weeks ahead?I'd personally wing it.Imagine postponing the Christening,the surgery is also delayed for what ever reason,and you find your self in the position again,just a few weeks ahead?

Sorry I just re read and saw the operation isn't even booked in yet.Definitely go ahead.

Go ahead with the christening it’s far too close to cancel.

Most chuches/chapels have a live webcam on their website for family to watch from home. Take baby to visit her afterwards or before so she can see the baby in his/her christening clothes

Why can't mil come in wheelchair or does she need total bed rest so therefore can zoom/FaceTime video it

If needs total bed rest and no op date this could go on for months

So get dd christened

Carry on with the christening. It isnt about mil.

what has your husband said?

Ours aren't christened but I'd happily postpone a family occasion so MIL could come.

What does DH want? His mum so he has the deciding vote IMO.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your mum, it must have been very difficult when you were pregnant.

@TnaSM Is she currently in hospital? if she is not then there is nothing to stop her coming to the christening. if she is in hospital, perhaps you can rig up a live cam on someone's mobile so she can watch the proceeding from hospital bed. if possible, you can even give her a half hour visit with baby in her christening gown.

Not understanding why MIL couldn't attend if the surgery isn’t even scheduled yet?

Is SIL getting her up on her behalf, when MIL is happy to still go and take it easy?

I would postpone. It obviously matters to your MIL and it doesn't matter a jot to your daughter. Give her something to look forward to, it'd be a kind thing to do.

This

But it matters to OP. Are MIL’s wishes more important than the mother of the child being christened?

Yes, it matters to OP. That doesn't mean it really matters though in reality. She's a woman facing heart surgery, would it be so bad to do something nice for her?

There are literally no real world consequences to delaying a few months; it's just a preference.