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Original poster

Christening Dilemma

78 replies

TnaSM · 30/03/2024 08:31

My little girl is due to be Christened next weekend. Unfortunately my MIL has discovered in the last week or so that she will need heart surgery to replace valves in heart and so will miss the Christening. My husband and I intended to go ahead with Christening as it is a very small affair and all arranged. My SIL has now said to my husband that it is unfair we are going ahead with it. My reason for going ahead is MIL op is not yet scheduled and she will have a two month recovery afterwards. Added to this that the priest has very limited availability we could be waiting another 3-4 months and we would have to arrange things at short notice as we don’t really know when she might be well enough to attend. My priority in this is my baby as I would like her to be Christened. I am very disappointed that not once was my little girl mentioned in all of this. Instead all of the talk is about upsetting my MIL. Of course I am very sorry that she cannot attend and that she is ill. I also lost my mother late last year and coincidentally the Christening is falling in her birthday, which I liked. Again I am hurt that that hasn’t come into it or even been considered. However, I don’t want to cause a family rift. Should I just postpone it indefinitely or go ahead? TIA

OP posts:
chocolategg · 30/03/2024 13:28

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 13:06

Yes, it matters to OP. That doesn't mean it really matters though in reality. She's a woman facing heart surgery, would it be so bad to do something nice for her?

There are literally no real world consequences to delaying a few months; it's just a preference.

There are. If something happens to OP's child in the in between time they won't be christened and that might be important to op

StormingNorman · 30/03/2024 13:35

id go ahead with the christening with a zoom link for MIL and take the baby round afterwards so she can do the proud grandma bit.

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 13:37

A statistically vanishingly unlikely situation @chocolategg

ColleenDonaghy · 30/03/2024 13:41

MoveOnTheCards · 30/03/2024 12:34

But it matters to OP. Are MIL’s wishes more important than the mother of the child being christened?

Show quote history

Not more important, no. But it is a family occasion for the baby and usually the grandparents are next in line after the parents with this stuff. Personally I wouldn't be having a family party for our DC on a date that all the grandparents couldn't make, especially if one wanted to come but couldn't due to illness. But every family is different, so I do think the DH should be making the call here based on his own family dynamics.

RafaistheKingofClay · 30/03/2024 13:51

But it’s a church family occasion so grandparents aren’t normally next in line. Even if it’s not taking place within a service the godparents would be before grandparents on this occasion.

Errorandtrial · 30/03/2024 13:54

Have your baby christened asap, that's the most important thing. Have a party whenever all family can make it.

TotalDramarama24 · 30/03/2024 14:07

I wouldn't be postponing a christening next weekend for a grandparent non attendance. It would be different if it was a godparent who was ill. The only people you need at a christening are the parents, godparents, priest and baby. Your MIL can watch it online and would be nice if you could take the baby to visit her in her christening gown.

Also in my DD's over subscribed catholic school you needed to be christened within weeks of birth to stand a chance of getting in.

chocolategg · 30/03/2024 14:35

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 13:37

A statistically vanishingly unlikely situation @chocolategg

No one knows when they'll be hit by a bus or whatever

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 16:59

Obviously @chocolategg which doesn't change the 'vanishingly unlikely' part.

Whatifthehokeycokey · 30/03/2024 17:07

Ask the priest to do a thanksgiving instead? Then do a Christening later. Or other way round.

chocolategg · 30/03/2024 17:09

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 16:59

Obviously @chocolategg which doesn't change the 'vanishingly unlikely' part.

OP wants her child christened you don't hang around with that

muggart · 30/03/2024 17:47

Screamingabdabz · 30/03/2024 08:37

A rather unchristian attitude for someone eager to introduce their child to the church and all that means.

I must admit I was thinking the same.

OP, your MIL is going through a scary time. Postponing it so she can come would be charitable and make her feel loved and valued. Assuming your MIL is generally kind to you, then I think you should prioritise her here as she is facing heart surgery and probably needs a lot of support right now.

toomuchfaff · 30/03/2024 18:03

Don't postpone, you can either get a live feed going so she can watch and then visit after.

It's a christening, it's unfortunate MIL can't attend.

Or can arrangements be made so she can be there? Wheelchair to reduc3le the walking etc? Can it be made possible for her to be there or is she in hospital or something?

EasterBunnny · 30/03/2024 18:07

Stick to your plans and DH should tell his sister to butt out.

Americano75 · 30/03/2024 18:16

If her op hasn't been booked then I definitely wouldn't postpone. My dad was told he needed the same op back in October and he's still waiting, even though he was told it would be mid February.

Also, if it's a Catholic baptism, there is no longer the same time crunch as back in the day. They got rid of the whole 'limbo' crap years ago.

Bushmillsbabe · 30/03/2024 18:23

Americano75 · 30/03/2024 18:16

If her op hasn't been booked then I definitely wouldn't postpone. My dad was told he needed the same op back in October and he's still waiting, even though he was told it would be mid February.

Also, if it's a Catholic baptism, there is no longer the same time crunch as back in the day. They got rid of the whole 'limbo' crap years ago.

Some Catholic schools are ridiculous though, the one we sent our daughter too (and then removed her from after 2 months as so so awful) had a rule had to be baptised within 6 minths of birth to get 'priority' for a place

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 18:27

Wow @Bushmillsbabe that is some cynical bullshit designed to increase the number of catholics. Organised religion is such a crock.

Toddlerteaplease · 30/03/2024 18:35

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 18:27

Wow @Bushmillsbabe that is some cynical bullshit designed to increase the number of catholics. Organised religion is such a crock.

It may be a crock to you. But to millions of people, it isn't.

Americano75 · 30/03/2024 18:36

Bushmillsbabe · 30/03/2024 18:23

Some Catholic schools are ridiculous though, the one we sent our daughter too (and then removed her from after 2 months as so so awful) had a rule had to be baptised within 6 minths of birth to get 'priority' for a place

Show quote history

Fucking hell, that's mad. At ours they only ask that your child is baptised at least a year before they make their first Confession.

Bushmillsbabe · 30/03/2024 18:52

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 18:27

Wow @Bushmillsbabe that is some cynical bullshit designed to increase the number of catholics. Organised religion is such a crock.

It had the opposite effect, both our girls have leaned towards the kind supportive nature of our local relaxed Methodist Church and away from the Catholic Church. So I'm not against organised religion, but I am against rules that are based on control for controls sake

MurderousCheekbones · 30/03/2024 18:55

Well exactly @Bushmillsbabe it's a numbers game; you're pushed into a religion to get the good school, and there's no way to formally 'renounce' your Catholicism. So they get to keep the numbers. It's power and money.

QueenOfHiraeth · 30/03/2024 19:07

Has your MIL actually said she would like you to postpone or is this just SIL sticking an oar in?
I would talk to MIL about this, if she is a woman of faith, she may actually want it to go ahead or she may be reassured by being able to watch online, etc.
Personally I would not change it but would ask for an extra prayer for her in the service and plan a celebration for after her op

maybeitsmaybellinebutmaybeitsme · 30/03/2024 19:30

There are so many things that can go wrong in this life - go through with it, it’s only a week away. Maybe next christening date your brother has the flu and can’t come - maybe your baby has norovirus and it needs postponing etc. I would just crack on. Sometimes people aren’t able to make things and she can receive photos and that’s fine. One of my children was christened during Covid and had stand in god parents as they couldn’t fly in for it. But then in my church christenings are done at circa 3 months old traditionally so I didn’t want to wait around.

NewName24 · 30/03/2024 19:37

If she doesn't have a date for her operation, why can't she still come ?
From what you say, there has been a recent diagnosis / plan made to help her, but it sounds like there hasn't been a sudden issue with her health that wasn't there at the start of the week ?
However, if she can't, then I would ask SiL to set up a video link for her.

I would go ahead. It is a shame if she can't be there, but you have to balance all sorts of things (your little one's age, the availability of you and dh, the availability of the God parents, the availability of the presbyter and Church, as well.

LiveLaughCryalot · 30/03/2024 19:40

Hang on, the op hasn't been booked? I would go ahead and MIL could watch online. I would take the baby to see her in the christening gown.
Sorry to hear about your mum OP, I understand why this date is important to you, it's a link to her.