Christening Dilemma

[TnaSM]

My little girl is due to be Christened next weekend. Unfortunately my MIL has discovered in the last week or so that she will need heart surgery to replace valves in heart and so will miss the Christening. My husband and I intended to go ahead with Christening as it is a very small affair and all arranged. My SIL has now said to my husband that it is unfair we are going ahead with it. My reason for going ahead is MIL op is not yet scheduled and she will have a two month recovery afterwards. Added to this that the priest has very limited availability we could be waiting another 3-4 months and we would have to arrange things at short notice as we don’t really know when she might be well enough to attend. My priority in this is my baby as I would like her to be Christened. I am very disappointed that not once was my little girl mentioned in all of this. Instead all of the talk is about upsetting my MIL. Of course I am very sorry that she cannot attend and that she is ill. I also lost my mother late last year and coincidentally the Christening is falling in her birthday, which I liked. Again I am hurt that that hasn’t come into it or even been considered. However, I don’t want to cause a family rift. Should I just postpone it indefinitely or go ahead? TIA

From another point of view the church will have made arrangements and it isn’t always easy to rearrange. Many vicars these days are voluntary and it’s polite to take this into consideration. I would go ahead with it. It’s not really about other people. It’s about your child.

What does DH think? He must have a view too. It’s irrelevant what SIL thinks, she doesn’t have to attend if she doesn’t want to. I’d FaceTime MIL and save her some cake if that’s not inappropriate given her health concerns.

My gran is waiting for a valve replacement. She goes on holiday and on daily dog walks.

a surgery that’s not scheduled yet. Surely she can go about by life as usual, or atleast be driven to sit on a church pew for 30 mins?

Some of this depends on whether you’re Catholic of other denomination to me. Catholics believe in purgatory for unbaptised babies if anything (god forbid) happened to them. Other branches are less strict. My husband (and our children) are Catholic and so therefore are baptised quickly. I wouldn’t be moving the date once arranged. If another branch then I’d consider it. But as others say she can join online perhaps instead?

Does anyone really believe nowadays that God sends babies to hell if they haven't been christened? Surely no one would worship such a sick God?

Just because people are successfully brainwashed, doesn’t mean it’s not a crock.

Religious people have either been brought up with religion so basically being brainwashed as kids, or are looking for something to solve their unhappiness in later life. I’ve never known anyone religious not be in one of those 2 camps.

Go ahead with the christening, don't change any plans for the yet to be scheduled operation, my DF has had his valve replacement scheduled and cancelled twice in 12 months, he's still waiting with now new date, he's been told it will be months rather than weeks

@OnTheInterstate I was brought up Church of England, but certainly not brainwashed. I later found the RC church for myself. And it was not to make up for anything missing!

I don’t know how old your little one is but some schools in our area require baptism to have happened within the first three months of life for entry into the school… potentially a minor point but worth pointing out to you in case you didn’t know.

If operation not scheduled I would just go ahead ( she ( MIL may be able to come or have I misunderstood ) If MIL misses it get loads of photos etc . This event is about DD , it's not a party etc or a family meal you can easily reschedule.

As far as I know, there is nothing in the new testament which states this, and I agree with you, this is not the act of the loving God I believe in - Jesus died so we would all be forgiven, we start our life as being forgiven. The christening is a promise by the parents and godparents to do their best to bring their child up in a way which follows christs teachings, no man/women (such as a vicar) has the power to forgive, only God has that, their role is one of a learned guide through their extensive study and dedication to the role

Christenings should happen as early as possible so YANBU

Go ahead.

I'd not postpone but I'd take baby across in christening gown to see MiL in morning before service. I'd keep her a piece of christening cake too. It's important for you to do it on what would have been your late Mum's birthday. Tell DH that

You get to choose you’re her parents, although I’d wait until she’s old enough to decide for herself anyway.

I agree with you.

Brainwashed people don’t tend to realise or consider themselves brainwashed whether that’s about religion or something else.

When it’s done from a child, it’s ingrained and hard to question. That’s the reason it’s introduced to children, it gets them early. If a child was brought up without religion, taught to think critically and then introduced to religion as an adult, there would be less people who would go along with it. Very few adults who haven’t been brought up without religion, who have full lives, find religion later in life. There’s a reason for that.

There are also people waiting for valves who are too sick to leave hospital until it’s done; some are in ICU. There’s a world of difference between a planned MV or AV replacement and one that is urgent.

OP it’s too late to cancel, I’d just take the baby to visit MIL afterwards in the gown if possible.

Yanbu. Weddings, christenings and funerals are all equally in the category of events that do not get postponed just because a key guest is ill. It's sad she can't be there but this is part of life and it's thoroughly inappropriate to postpone a christening indefinitely when there's not even a know date by which MIL will definitely be well enough to attend. It could be years and babies grow up so quickly.

Say that it's important to you to hold the ceremony which your baby is still a baby and you can't keep DD from growing so it's going ahead - getting a live feed to MIL is the best that can be managed.

I'd not postpone but I'd take baby across in christening gown to see MiL in morning before service.

and

I’d just take the baby to visit MIL afterwards in the gown if possible.

Who are all these babies wearing gowns ?
The only baby (well picture of a baby) I've seen being christened "in a gown" are royals. Every baby I've ever known has been Christened in normal clothes (well "nice" / "best" / "smart" clothes.

We've got a family christening gown that's almost 70. We're as common as muck.

We have a family christening gown.
My grandma handmade it for my Aunty nearly 80 years ago, and was worn by mum and siblings, myself my brother and all our cousins, my girls - I think at least 25 children have worn it. It's beautiful and very special to have this in the family. My mum grew up very poor and my grandma's friends each contributed bits of home made lace to help make it. Definitely not royalty!

I've been to numerous christenings (none of them posh or royal) and the baby nearly always wears a white christening gown. The only times I've seen children wear their own smart clothes is when they are christened slightly older and no longer babes in arms. Most people I know pass the gowns down the generations as a tradition.

That sounds lovely @Bushmillsbabe

Fair enough. Maybe its a denomination thing.
Can only speak for the babies whose Christenings I've been invited to, and the babies who have been Christened at the Churches I've attended over the last 60 years.

why is the baptism important to you? how old is DD? is she a babe in arms? or a toddler? is it about the religious aspect or is it about the celebration after?

i wonder if it were YOUR mum, would you still be happy to go ahead with your party?