To not want my husband to record our conversation!

[OpalPoet]

My husband writes things down when we have minor disagreements and tonight he started recording our conversation on his phone during a disagreement, I told him to stop because I didn’t like it but he continued, he then said, ‘We’ll see if you talk now then!’
To make it clear, I said nothing abusive or unkind.

AIBU to not want him to do this?

Sounds annoying. Just refuse to engage when he does it

This is very alarming, absolutely abusive, and his little clever way of manipulating you to shut up.

Don't fucking stand for this shit. I would be livid.

WHAT?! Red flags OP! I don’t like the sound of this at all. Writes things down? Why? To quote word-for-word what you said in a small disagreement and use against you in the future?! What were you arguing about when he started recording you? The “we’ll see if you talk now then” sounds threatening to me

Is he recording it so he can use it in some way in the future? I don't like the sound of it to be honest and I would not be allowing anyone to record things I say. Weird behaviour.

I wish I had recorded my ex during his verbal attacks on me so I ciuld have had proof of his abuse.

This is true, often it's just a he said she said and the abuser is able to paint a false picture because there's no evidence.

It’s when we have disagreements over things, it’s mostly parenting disagreements. He has been writing stuff down for a while.
I would never do this, especially if he said he wanted me to stop.

He's a nutcase
Do you think he's planning on splitting and using these recordings in a custody battle?

It's abusive behaviour

I think it depends on the wider context.

Why is he recording it?

I recorded my ex admitting to being a pedophile. Didn't hold much value in court sadly

Have you asked him why he’s writes it down? It’s like he’s collecting ‘evidence’ for something. This very odd and alarming behaviour

Start recording on your own phone, stating clearly that you are only doing this because he is recording you. I'd also point out, while being recorded, that it is a form of abuse and that you won't be intimidated.

Once he gets his phone out, get yours out and start recording. It's a power and control thing.

I don’t know why he’s recording it, it’s the first time he’s done it, before he said he wrote things down, as he said he reads things back. Our marriage is very rocky.

I don't know about your marriage being 'very rocky' OP, if I were in your shoes, it would be over, and he would be OUT! As others have said, this is clearly abusive, and he's doing it to try and control you. Tell him to fuck right off, and offer to pack his bags for him, all while you're recording the conversation of course.

Every time he opens his mouth get your phone out and start videoing him. Every time.

I don’t want to get into disagreements infront of our children, we’re already having more arguments and I want to shield them from these as much as possible because I feel it’s unfair for them to witness it. I am really considering ending the marriage, I don’t feel myself anymore.

This is all very strange. I don’t understand why he would need to read things back. People (especially married couples) have disagreements and arguments, that’s normal. What’s not normal is writing down all the details and ‘reading it back.’ It’s like he’s building up a ‘case’ to use as ammo against you in the future for some reason. Either that or he’s very controlling and abusive and does it to have a hold over you. When you say your marriage is rocky, in what way? Does he show other controlling or abusive traits? Hope you’re ok @OpalPoet

It sounds like you're doing your best to be a good Mum OP, and I sincerely hope that you are able to get your 'ducks in a row' to leave this man, as sadly I think he will only get worse, and as you say, you don't want your children caught up in the middle.

I'd be wary of what else he's recording ,I'd also be checking for air tag's.

What are the parent arguments about?

If he's recording, then so should you. It would be very easy for him to take snippets of the conversation out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. But with your own recording to back you up you can counteract this.

But... I hate to say it, but if you've got to this level, where you have to record each other to protect yourself, then there isn't much hope for the relationship.

YANBU obviously. This is a vicious level of marital argument, and, in your shoes, I'd be planning my escape.

He sounds like a nutter