Ds won’t sit at the table

[Atthefarmnow]

Has one mouthful of food jumps down and just runs round. It’s doing my head in. He doesn’t seem to notice he’s hungry but must be … help.

You've posted twenty two times but you haven't said if you eat with him or sit with him at the table. Or what you say or he says when he runs off.

This is sad to hear. Parenting can be lonely and stressful. We put so much pressure on ourselves and compare with other families. My daughter wasn't interested in weaning, she often turned down food as a toddler and it was a miserable time. I decided not to fight it, to very slowly increase her foods but make eating a happy time. She's now almost a teenager, she eats what we eat, at the table for dinner and we chat about our days. My mantra, 'everything's a phase', do what works for you, but make it a happy time.

But I thought it was obvious as he won’t sit at the table … it’s not me trying to be awkward. I have tried that but it was so stressful.

in fairness he will sit in cafes etc.

But you didn't say that. You said he has one mouthful of food and then he jumps down.

Are you sitting at the table with him and eating your meals with him?

What does he say when he jumps down?

What do you say when he jumps down?

Do you suspect additional needs if you are struggling parenting him?

I'm asking because you need different strategies if you do.

However at the moment it sounds like you have to enforce the sitting at the table boundary. Start with an amount of time he must sit for and pick him up and put him back there every time. Say 5 minutes to start with and gradually increase it. Mega praise if he manages 5 minutes and then increase (perhaps without telling him, depending on his concept of numbers/time) and praise the next time he sits "for long enough". Make it about the sitting not the eating.

Also sit with him, try to eat together as often as possible. Put everything else down(phone etc) and focus on him. Chat about the day, tell stories, rhyme words, anything tbh!

Both my DDs were still using the highchair at 3. It was a wooden cube highchair and we had taken the tray off it. They couldn't reach the table otherwise; although our dining table and chairs were bought as a set, the chairs are low compared to the table.

He has probably got into a pattern of running off. Perhaps he also senses your stress about how much he eats? I used to challenge mine to eat a certain amount of mouthfuls. It can be hard work but it will only be a phase I'm sure.

Mine had his own little table and chair and would only eat in front of the TV. It's not a big deal. We don't always eat at the table tbh.

Some children are grazers and don’t eat well if they have to eat a whole meal in one to. Do you leave the food in his reach/ where he can return to it for a couple of hours whilst he plays so that he can graze instead of having to eat a whole meal at once?

I don’t think it’s additional needs … it’s possible but more likely my crap parenting tbf

It’s just really hard because I feel like everything is a battle. I feel like our whole house is just dominated by him at the moment which isn’t healthy but I feel really powerless as so many things I’ve read just have no effect whatsoever!

Have you tried the things like letting him get more involved in food prep , make his own sandwich .

go shopping buy the pasta . Serving himself a portion .
or even things like making meals with pictures .

trying to engage at meal times so it’s not so dull .

i spy with my little eye something the colour yellow - he finds the cheese on his plate etc .

Also he probably is getting enough even if he stocks up at nursery otherwise he would be losing weight

That’s Sarah Ockwell Smith, isn’t it? Your job to provide the food, your child’s job to eat it. But if they don’t eat it then that has a knock on effect on a lot of stuff, including sleep and behaviour. Ds just isn’t one of those kids who appears to realise actually … I’m a bit peckish, better eat something. He just gets steadily more horrible until you encourage him to eat and then he’s much nicer to be around. Same with sleep; he’s actually a good sleeper but he’s never been the sort of child who just nods off anywhere.

He is pretty lean to be fair @Starlightstarbright3

This is probably the wrong thing but my son is now 9 and sits at the table so worked well here, when he was little and eating dinner (alone usually as we ate later)
I would bring a heap of books and he could pick them and I would read while he ate. He sat nicely, ate well and was read to. He's now an avid reader. May be no link but you never know! Worth a try maybe?

I think that’s a really good idea actually.

I also tried listening to the Yoto player once but stopped .., should probably try that again.

I just tried to thank my post instead of yours by mistake and got told off by MN

I used to do that with my eldest. We actually had a long picture book that we would read a chapter or so each evening. It worked quite well.

Is he growing at an OK rate?

You're not at his nursery so you don't know for sure exactly what he's eating there and how much. Meal times in a busy nursery are generally very full on. What they say he's eating and how much might not be totally accurate just because they can't monitor every child that closely.

Have you tried a selection of little finger foods ie tiny bite sized pieces of sandwich, sliced up fruit, a few crisps etc? Little bits he go up to the table and help himself to.

My DD was like this and she is now diagnosed ADHD. I used to leave a selection of food on a low level coffee table and she would eat a little bit every time she went past. My main objective was her not starving rather than table manners. She sat a little better at nursery because she enjoyed being with the other children, but was still on the go 90% of the time.

What about just throwing the rule book out the table? I know everyone says oh he should be sitting at the table blah blah but what about letting him eat near his toys? Let him discover food as he's playing (safely obviously to avoid choking). Build the manners after but focus on getting him fed and getting nutrition first, the rest can come after.

If you find he is constantly endless energy, strict with types of food and unable to sit still you may want to look into other Sen type situations but it's worth trying first.

My DS is the same. Sometimes we’d have to trick / distract food into him (with the TV on). He’s 4 now & better. But he’s very active anyway, sitting isn’t something he does much, anyway…

@Lindy2 … I know there have been reports of fictitious diaries by nurseries and it’s true I don’t know for absolute certainty but I did go in a few weeks ago for a Mother’s Day special occasion and witnessed the impossible and like I say he does eat at the table in cafes and so on, and I’ve seen himnsit and eat happily with other children at parties and so on. it’s probably me not enforcing it (and also tbf the dining room table is a bit of a crap magnet!)

He’s a nightmare with finger foods. Just doesn’t eat them. Far better with meals although sometimes I do have to encourage ie feed him. I absolutely hate it if I ever have to do a packed lunch as he just doesn’t eat it.

Yes I feel your pain!

A tea plate for teddy and one for ds? Everybody sat at the table listening to a story cd or such like?